Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
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 Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 6:57 pm Post subject: Birthday forgotten, return the "favour"? |
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A friend of mine..one of my few, if not the only one(family excluded), forgot my birthday this year, and did not mention it when we met a month later. He didn't congratulate me on facebook, or text message, or tried to call me.
His birthday is coming up. Should I act like I forgot his birthday too? Is that the way he wants that part of our relationship to work now? It hurt when he forgot me, and I wouldn't want to hurt him in the same way, but at the same time I don't think it will, since he has many many friends. If this is a social hint of sorts I should understand, I would sure appreciate some feedback on this matter.
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Zinia
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2011
Age: 30
Posts: 344
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 7:10 pm Post subject: |
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How you act depends on what kind of person you want to be.
Do you want to be the kind of considerate person who remembers friends' birthdays? If so, then go ahead.
I admire people like that, but not everyone remembers birthdays well. He probably just forgot and I'm pretty sure it's not a social signal. |
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cathylynn
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 25, 2011
Posts: 2003
Location: northeastern US
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 7:52 pm Post subject: |
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| be the bigger person. remember his birthday. |
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redrobin62
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 3821
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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Hmm. Funny you should mention FB. FB automatically reminds it's members when someone from their network has a birthday coming up. They do it right on FB or to your email. This person would've been reminded - unless he closed his FB account like I did. If he really did know when your birthday was, but chose to ignore it, I say forget about him. Obviously you weren't that important in his eyes.
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CuriousKitten
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 20, 2012
Age: 53
Posts: 487
Location: Deep South USA
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:16 pm Post subject: |
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| redrobin62 wrote: | | Hmm. Funny you should mention FB. FB automatically reminds it's members when someone from their network has a birthday coming up. They do it right on FB or to your email. This person would've been reminded - unless he closed his FB account like I did. If he really did know when your birthday was, but chose to ignore it, I say forget about him. Obviously you weren't that important in his eyes. |
That assumes he logged into FB that day
Not everyone remembers birthdays. I've been known to forget my own.
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If it don't come easy . . . .
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10498
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:48 pm Post subject: |
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That's like saying,
"Someone accidentally stood on my foot, should I kick him?"
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2130
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:51 pm Post subject: |
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| There are many reasons why he might have forgot; give the benefit of the doubt. |
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Ria1989
Deinonychus
Joined: Feb 19, 2011
Posts: 336
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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It was my birthday a while back and one friend didn't tell me happy birthday. I looked at his facebook page and realized I forgot his birthday that was a few weeks before mine! I didn't even realize it.
Moral of the story: we're all imperfect. |
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Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:03 pm Post subject: |
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If he didn't log onto facebook that day, or checked his email that week, he wouldn't have gotten that automatic reminder, thats true.
I don't really see the "got stepped on foot, kick?"-analogy. Wouldn't "got stepped on foot, cut off own leg?"-be more accurate?
Thanks for the feedback. I will give him the benefit of the doubt then, and text/fb him on the big day.
The reason I asked, is because I've experienced first hand how some relatives have used that method to get a point across. But I realize now that it has made me extra sensitive to that matter, and therefore also perhaps read too much into it when others do/don't do it.
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Who_Am_I
almost human
Joined: Aug 28, 2005
Age: 29
Posts: 10498
Location: My body is in Brisbane and my mind is in the gutter. :D
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:06 pm Post subject: |
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| Blownmind wrote: | If he didn't log onto facebook that day, or checked his email that week, he wouldn't have gotten that automatic reminder, thats true.
I don't really see the "got stepped on foot, kick?"-analogy. Wouldn't "got stepped on foot, cut off own leg?"-be more accurate?
Thanks for the feedback. I will give him the benefit of the doubt then, and text/fb him on the big day.
The reason I asked, is because I've experienced first hand how some relatives have used that method to get a point across. But I realize now that it has made me extra sensitive to that matter, and therefore also perhaps read too much into it when others do/don't do it. |
The analogy:
He hurt me by mistake, should I purposefully hurt him in a similar manner?
I don't see how forgetting his birthday would be akin to cutting of your own leg. It doesn't hurt you.
_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I !!!!
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I |
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Blownmind
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 19, 2012
Age: 33
Posts: 823
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:25 pm Post subject: |
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| Who_Am_I wrote: | | Blownmind wrote: | | I don't really see the "got stepped on foot, kick?"-analogy. Wouldn't "got stepped on foot, cut off own leg?"-be more accurate? |
The analogy:
He hurt me by mistake, should I purposefully hurt him in a similar manner? |
Ahh, I thought I made myself clear in the first post.
| Blownmind wrote: | | It hurt when he forgot me, and I wouldn't want to hurt him in the same way, but at the same time I don't think it will, since he has many many friends. |
I only seek to understand why he did it, and if it was his wish that I should do the same to him.
| Who_Am_I wrote: | | I don't see how forgetting his birthday would be akin to cutting of your own leg. It doesn't hurt you. |
The "cut off my own leg"-part refers to the fact that I would distance myself from him without him notising that I remove myself. With his foot on my foot, I would have to cut off my leg so he won't notice I pull it away. But hey, it's analogies, I have a reduced ability to get them anyways, so why should I try to make them, and least of all argue about details in them. Nevermind. 
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Shatbat
Fénix
Joined: Feb 20, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 3948
Location: South America
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:29 pm Post subject: |
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Yup, it's better to be the bigger man. If he forgot it by mistake, he'll be happy and you win. If he forgot it on purpose, he'll feel bad about it. Win!
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HisDivineMajesty
Carolingian Emperor Extraordinaire
Joined: Feb 01, 2012
Posts: 1364
Location: Planet Earth
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| Posted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:46 pm Post subject: |
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Today, it turned out I had forgotten a friend's birthday. Thankfully, most of his other friends had also forgotten about it, and he only found out it was his birthday when he found birthday cards when coming downstairs that morning. I dodged a bullet there.
Yes, be the bigger man. It can happen to anyone and everyone, even the person himself. |
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Merculangelo
Toucan
Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Posts: 282
Location: Oklahoma City
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:22 am Post subject: |
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its just a birthday.
i'm glad no one remembers my birthday, bc then I might feel like I have to remember theirs and I have enough to worry about already without having to remember to congratulate someone else for existing.
good ridance to birthdays. |
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redrobin62
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 03, 2012
Age: 50
Posts: 3821
Location: Seattle, WA
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| Posted: Tue Jun 19, 2012 2:39 am Post subject: |
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Just so you know, FB informs you SEVERAL days before your contact's birthday, not on just the actual day. They had PLENTY of warning.
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