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leiselmum
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Jun 29, 2012
Posts: 46
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 Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2012 12:09 am Post subject: |
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| Thanks for the input and advice. I'm sorry if people got into a small dispute over it. |
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Marcia
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2008
Posts: 1477
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 8:07 am Post subject: |
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What does your daughter think?
She's in her teens, and I'd expect that more often than not people will speak to her directly rather than talk to you about her. |
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ooo
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 09, 2012
Posts: 494
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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"Thanks for the offer, but my daughter is shy and can't accept. She's happy you thought of asking her, though."
Does your daughter want to do it?
Why tell someone the "why"? It's common for teens to dislike public speaking in front of peers (or, eeek, children). |
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Janissy
Phoenix
Joined: May 06, 2009
Age: 46
Posts: 4845
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| Posted: Thu Jul 12, 2012 12:55 pm Post subject: |
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| Who_Am_I wrote: | | Rascal77s wrote: | | Who_Am_I wrote: | You don't even have to mention Asperger's; just say something like
"My daughter is a bit overwhelmed at present and what you're asking would be too much for her to handle.". |
The problem with this is people will often think that it's something on their end that is making the child uncomfortable so they will try to get the other children to be more inclusive. This can just create an even worse problem. I'd have to say I agree with you in principle but I think if it's vaguely presented as a medical condition people would be less inclined to pry or do anything without the guidance of the parent.
You could say something like:
"My child has some sensory issues that we are working on and I just don't think it would be a good idea right now."
But you're right, I don't think AS should even be mentioned. |
Uncomfortable is different from overwhelmed, though. |
Altyhough uncomfortable is different than overwhelmed, I have had very similar situations to the OP and things did pan out the way Rascal 77 warns. The response was an attempt at greater inclusion of my daughter (she is younger than the OP's daughter but other things are similar). This ties in to Again With This's advice to think like an NT. An overwhelmed NT will often get relief from the social support and help of others. If you say your child is overwhelmed, the frequent response is to find a peer who will take them by the hand and guide them through everything they need to do. This approach led to meltdowns twice with my daughter until I realized I had to prevent that approach (which I hadn't realized before and being NT have appreciated that kind of help and thought she would too).
I found the phrase that gets people to politely back off is "social anxiety". which is in her medical records alongside the autism. An unspecified but overwhelming medical condition will make people think of cancer. Revealing the autism diagnosis required a lengthy and ultimately confusing explanation. "Social anxiety" was understood by all and conveyed more seriousness than "shy", which I discovered just made the other adults try to find the most nurturing peer they could think of and try to append her to my daughter to draw her out of her shell.
A teen who would let her mother say this without rolling her eyes would prove to them that the anxiety was at a true clinical level. |
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