minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands
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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:23 pm Post subject: Is it a bad idea to date someone who is 18 years older? |
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Well, I've been chatting with someone on OkCupid a few times who seems really interesting. I've enjoyed talking to him and we seem to have a lot in common. We haven't talked about meeting up yet, but it seems like we might if we continue to talk, as he is quite local.
The only problem-- if, in fact, it is a problem-- is that he's 42.
I'm not sure how to feel about this and whether I want to continue with it. I have zero dating experience and I don't want to make a huge mistake. I do often find myself attracted to older men because they seem to have better attitudes and know themselves better, but even for me 18 years is a very large gap. On the one hand, I feel like if we're compatible then age shouldn't matter that much; but I'm worried about getting to know each other better and then starting to feel that it's creepy or something, or discovering that we can't relate because of the age difference.
What do you guys think? Would you consider dating someone this much older (or, for that matter, younger) than you? Terrible idea, or worth a shot to see how it goes?
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"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2543
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:31 pm Post subject: |
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I would consider it but it's worth bearing in mind such relationships may not last.
He's 42 and people these days stay in good health for longer, plus there's plenty of mileage left before any serious tastes change.
I'd say give him a chance if you like him and see what you think after a couple of dates 
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McAnulty
Toucan
Joined: May 09, 2012
Posts: 258
Location: Montreal
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:47 pm Post subject: |
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| I like to think age doesn't matter, but I find that the younger the young person is, the more creepy it gets. Somehow the idea of someone who was a baby when this guy was near adulthood makes me feel like it's pedophilia, even though logically I know it's not the same at all Intellectually I feel that love is love, but my gut reaction is, this guy is old enough to be your father and there's something weird about that. Then again, there are plenty of couples out there with huge age differences who are truly happy together. Go with your own gut. You probably know best what's right for you. |
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rosemund
Snowy Owl
Joined: Mar 15, 2012
Posts: 125
Location: South East Texas
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I'd give it a chance. 18 years is a stretch, but there is 12 years between my mom and step-dad, and they're happy. I think the only thing I'd really be worried about is that oftentimes we Aspies are less mature in relationships than we are in a more mundane setting, and we end up prey to the cunning types. If your internal alarms start going off, pay attention to them, but give it a shot first. |
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minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | I would consider it but it's worth bearing in mind such relationships may not last.
He's 42 and people these days stay in good health for longer, plus there's plenty of mileage left before any serious tastes change.
I'd say give him a chance if you like him and see what you think after a couple of dates Smile |
Thanks. I'm glad to hear it at least doesn't sound like a completely crazy idea 
| McAnulty wrote: |
I like to think age doesn't matter, but I find that the younger the young person is, the more creepy it gets. Somehow the idea of someone who was a baby when this guy was near adulthood makes me feel like it's pedophilia, even though logically I know it's not the same at all Intellectually I feel that love is love, but my gut reaction is, this guy is old enough to be your father and there's something weird about that. Then again, there are plenty of couples out there with huge age differences who are truly happy together. Go with your own gut. You probably know best what's right for you. |
I guess I have a bit of an advantage in that my parents were older than average when I was born; my dad's now in his late sixties, so someone who's 42 doesn't really seem like a father figure to me. I have to admit that, as you say, the idea that he was finishing high school when I was a baby is a bit weird for me, but I don't think I'll really know how I feel until we meet, if we do decide to meet.
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"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell |
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Shatbat
Fénix
Joined: Feb 20, 2012
Age: 20
Posts: 4026
Location: South America
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:55 pm Post subject: |
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Well... it sure has the creep factor, but that's more of a gut reaction than something intrinsically wrong. Some real problems it can bring are differences in maturity level, and what you said about not being able to relate to each other... that's a possibility too. My uncle is 10 years older than his fiancee, 27 and 37, but they make a great couple. Adding other 8 years to the fray... it shouldn't be a dealbreaker, but it is definitely something to take into account.
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thewhitrbbit
Phoenix
Joined: May 31, 2012
Age: 27
Posts: 2151
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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18 years is a lot.
Sure he's not looking for a sugar baby? |
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minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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| rosemund wrote: | | I'd give it a chance. 18 years is a stretch, but there is 12 years between my mom and step-dad, and they're happy. I think the only thing I'd really be worried about is that oftentimes we Aspies are less mature in relationships than we are in a more mundane setting, and we end up prey to the cunning types. If your internal alarms start going off, pay attention to them, but give it a shot first. |
Yeah, I'm a bit paranoid about the predator idea. I know that I don't have very good "internal alarms" unfortunately... maybe it's part of my AS, or maybe just wanting to get along with people, but I never seem to recognize the bad ones until it's too late 
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"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell |
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PastFixations
One who will open the door.
Joined: Sep 22, 2011
Posts: 2697
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:07 pm Post subject: |
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MY MIND... IS TELLING ME NO.
BUT MY BODY, MY BODY IS TELLING ME YES!
Anyhoo... the only time dating is deemed wrong is with someone who is not over the age of 16 if you are like 18+.
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Ventus: "I'm asking you as a friend. Just... put an end to me." |
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glasstoria
Velociraptor
Joined: Jul 03, 2011
Posts: 454
Location: Missouri USA
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:11 pm Post subject: |
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My parent are 18 years apart in age exactly. It is difficult because my mother is still working and my father has been retired for some time and would like her to be home with him all day.
My best friend's parents are about 20 years apart in age, and they divorced after their children were out of high school. The mother is still working and has her own house, but the father is getting to the age where he really needs someone to oversee his affairs and make sure he isn't living in filth, etc, but obviously his ex wife has things of her own that she needs to do and her own life now. So it is a bit stressful to their children because there is no one there to take care of him and he is in poor health.
Personally I've dated both older and younger. Whatever the age is, just make sure someone isn't going to tell you what to do, what to think, what to want in your life. As long as they respect you as an individual and you still make your own decisions about what you like and need, I don't think age is more important of a factor than compatibility. Plus a date is just a date! You might meet one older guy who seems way too old, and then meet a different older guy who is a great match, it depends on the individuals involved.
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bnky
Velociraptor
Joined: Nov 20, 2011
Posts: 479
Location: Kent, England
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:12 pm Post subject: |
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Could work.
Meet if it comes to it.
If possible get an NT friend to "double date". Then you'll have a better idea of whether he's genuine or not |
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minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:20 pm Post subject: |
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| bnky wrote: | Could work.
Meet if it comes to it.
If possible get an NT friend to "double date". Then you'll have a better idea of whether he's genuine or not |
I wish I could, but no friends Maybe I can wear a hidden camera and someone can watch the live footage and administer an electric shock to me if he seems like a creep?
_________________
"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell |
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Age: 28
Posts: 2543
Location: Hants, UK
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:26 pm Post subject: |
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| minotaurheadcheese wrote: | | bnky wrote: | Could work.
Meet if it comes to it.
If possible get an NT friend to "double date". Then you'll have a better idea of whether he's genuine or not |
I wish I could, but no friends Maybe I can wear a hidden camera and someone can watch the live footage and administer an electric shock to me if he seems like a creep? |
You could put a camera in your breast pocket (boobcam!) to see where he's looking throughout the date 
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"A man is but the product of his thoughts - what he thinks, he becomes." - Mahatma Gandhi |
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minotaurheadcheese
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 21, 2012
Posts: 412
Location: the lone lands
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:33 pm Post subject: |
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| JanuaryMan wrote: | | minotaurheadcheese wrote: | | bnky wrote: | Could work.
Meet if it comes to it.
If possible get an NT friend to "double date". Then you'll have a better idea of whether he's genuine or not |
I wish I could, but no friends Maybe I can wear a hidden camera and someone can watch the live footage and administer an electric shock to me if he seems like a creep? |
You could put a camera in your breast pocket (boobcam!) to see where he's looking throughout the date |
_________________
"And there are days when I would be away . . . Oh, wherever men of my sort used to go, long ago. Wandering on paths that other men have not seen. Behind the sky. On the other side of the rain." -Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell |
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mv
Protector of the Realm
Joined: Jun 18, 2010
Posts: 3131
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| Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2012 3:41 pm Post subject: |
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| I could never do it, but I can't say what's right for someone else. Then again, 18 years older than me is age 62! |
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