DataSage’s Alpha Male Guide to Meeting Women (JULY UPDATE!!)

Only_an_egg · Tufted Titmouse Joined: Oct 19, 2009 Posts: 28

Hi.

I’m brand new, just got here.

What a wonderful Planet this is, in general. I read the first 2 pages of this thread out of sheer curiosity, then looked to the end, years later!

Stinkypuppy, responding to and amplifying Janissy’s take on it all, observes:

“…I mean, once the AS guy got the girlfriend, what then? If you … are trying to get NT girlfriends using this guide, are you willing to put up with her NT needs in the long run? Only true social skills and social understanding are going to help you stick it out in the long run. If not, why are you even bothering?”

This has such resonances for me. The main reason I’m here is that I’ve been trying to relate to a very bright but sometimes very strange man, for YEARS now. His ways of interacting with me sometimes create very hurt feelings. It has taken me a long time to figure out that he is most likely on the Aspergers spectrum somewhere. I’ve had to cope with what he himself refers to as his “inability to meet my emotional needs.” I’ve felt mistreated at times, when he should by all “normal” standards have done or mostly SAID something that was left undone or unsaid.

There are some strange absences from the advice offered and the portions of the discussion I read.

My social experiences tend to be with those on the extreme right tail of the intelligence curve, where my computer-programming friends and relatives fall. Mensa is full of Little Professors with amazingly bad social skills. Privately, I’ve been used to thinking of aspergers as “Engineer’s Syndrom.” So this question is for those who fall into that category, and I kind of assume that it applies to a majority of posters here, who are so articulate and self-analytical: if you’re so bright, why on earth would you want to fool around ‘courting’ women who are so normal that they are your intellectual inferiors by tens of IQ points? I mean, someone with an IQ of 130 trying to date someone with an IQ of 100 makes as much sense as a “normal” looking to date someone with an IQ of 70.

Where’s the joy in that? You are going to talk about what together? (Once you’re finished with all that, presumably, torrid sex.) Shouldn’t you be thinking about trying to find the few special women who are bright enough to be interesting to you???

If not – and this is all about animal (alpha-animal!) sexuality, then my advice is go and build up your body! Go to the gym and get all “hot” looking. If we women are all instinct-driven unconsciously falling for men who look right in the first 5 seconds, for goodness sake, develop those pectorals! We say no but we’ll mean yes when you impress us with your masculinity! Wow. Go get masculin. Let us smell your pheromones….

Back to intelligent conversation – that’s a lot of what my strange friend and I have in common. We share a lot of intellectual and cultural interests. We can do things together that we both enjoy, like concerts and plays, and discuss them afterwards. There is a healthy function to dates like this; they offer plenty of structure and offer an armiture for conversation. He uses these structured evenings as a prelude to physical contact. A lot of the time these evenings work quite well, despite the bizarre (abrupt, for me) transition between conversation and sexuality.

Lets look back at the first page of advice:

“See dating as a circle. … If a girl leaves the circle on her own accord, you must realize that she left for the exact reason every girl leaves every guy (REGARDLESS of the situation): she expected something that you could not give her, and that is not your problem, it’s hers.”

That’s haunting for me. My friend always seems to have a passive attitude about his “not meeting my emotional needs.” Its as if it were somehow unthinkable to even try to meet them. If he were to compromise with me, it would be very helpful. If he were to TRY, it would be wonderful. There’s this same fatalism here. It’s not your problem, it’s hers.

(Look, an actual relationship is like a potluck dinner. Everybody brings something, and everybody is nourished. If you show up but don’t bring anything, don’t wonder why the dinner is not as lavish as you’d hoped.)

Anyway, the girl or woman who will actually accept you as you are -- and who will maintain your interest in her -- will be in your league in terms of intelligence. She will have to have a big heart to accommodate you. If anything she will need to be VERY empathic to understand your needs and limitations, as they will be so different from yours.

On top of that, she will need to be an “alpha” female to cope with your less-than-optimal emotional support. No teary emotional weaklings. Don’t try to out-alpha her!

Find a woman you can actually talk to, and allow her to get to know who you truly are.