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punkguy378
Velociraptor
Velociraptor


Joined: Jun 23, 2013
Age: 34
Posts: 495

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 5:51 am    Post subject: How does a man attract a woman Reply with quote

I seem to not really understand why I keep failing with women. I just do not understand what they want in a man. Most people will tell you a woman wants a confident man who is sure of themselves. This is not really a possibility for me anytime soon.

I have plenty of attractive traits so do I just need to keep talking to different women. The only women I find string me along and are too afraid to reject me. Then I even think they might want a relationship with me and then I meet them in person and it never goes anywhere. I mean there has to be a way to find someone. I have talked to dozens of women online and I am not making any of the stupid mistakes most guys make. Maybe I come across as creepy. I honestly have no idea.

I look completely normal and act completely normal every one I know says I am attractive and they just do not understand why I cannot meet women.

Someone please help I am 33 years old and am still a virgin and have had zero aerious relationships. I am tired of all these 19 year olds complaining about when they are going to find a girlfriend. I am over ten years older than that and still have found no one who wants a long term relationship with me.

Everyone like my family and friends tell me I need to be friends with women before I get in a committed relationship with them. Most women I meet want an instant connection and it seems once yout "friend zoned" you become a shoulder for them to cry on. I am not a f'in doormat. I am so tired of people treating me like this. I am just a person for people's amusement.

Honestly all I am going to get advice wise on here is PUA bullshit or someone telling me I am the problem or being friends first is how you should do it. It does not ever work like that for me. Oh and you need to go work out and you will become attractive to women. I don't buy it. I am not into the whole muscular guy thing. I mean what do women want a guy who can beat people up. It is the whole "bad boy" thing that I have tried for years and it never works. Honestly, I am a rebellious person and I thought that was attractive. I have tried everything to make women notice me and they just do not care. I mean not to the point of being over the top.

Someone tells you need to be attractive but yet you cannot pursue women. If you come on too strong or too soft you get nothing. It is just some stupid game that is rigged. I cannot find the right balance where can I go to learn how to do this. I am so tired of all the advice things that are all based on PUA style. Honestly all my traits according to these things say women see me as weak. Seriously that pisses me off because I am not weak in any way.

I know there are countless threads already on here on this and most of them are a complete waste of time. I mean this is a universal problem that most guys Aspis or NT have is that society never teaches you anything. You go to school and all you learn is a bunch of useless crap and teach you nothing of how to make it in the world.

As a man I need to do everything myself and if you are unsure than women just want to be friends. I mean I have gone so much depression that I am not sure how I have made it this far. There seems to be no end to this suffering. I have become a nihilist and see no meaning in my existence other than to suffer. I am losing everything I have accomplished in my life so far.

I am born to lose and destined to fail as long as I do not turn my life around. I basically sit in my room on the computer playing games and wasting away because I cannot find the energy to do what I need to do. My depression symptoms are getting worse and I am not sure how much more I can take of this.
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Laddo
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Dec 25, 2011
Posts: 586

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 6:39 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry to hear you're going through this mate. I'm terrible with women, too. The only reason I have a girlfriend now is because she approached me, which I know is incredibly rare. I will give you as much advice as a fellow unlucky-with-the-ladies guy can.

First off, please, please do not try and be someone different to impress women. They tend to see through that and they may take it as a sign that they can walk all over you. Being yourself is a lot more attractive to women than faking confidence. I take it you've tried dating websites? Do you tend to go for the same type of woman each time or do you go for a variety of different types? I spent far too long looking for more high-maintenance women because I thought that was my type. But then when I first met up with my girlfriend after talking online, there was an instant connection. You will know it when you experience it.

My other advice is to learn to love yourself. Not in an arrogant way, just focus on your strengths and the best parts of your personality and enhance them the best you can.

Keep trying my friend, don't let rejection get you down. Good luck! Very Happy
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TinyDancer
Blue Jay
Blue Jay


Joined: Feb 09, 2013
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 7:14 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Maybe you need a change of location. Maybe you're living in a place where there just aren't enough people enough like you.
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punkguy378
Velociraptor
Velociraptor


Joined: Jun 23, 2013
Age: 34
Posts: 495

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 7:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Laddo wrote:
Sorry to hear you're going through this mate. I'm terrible with women, too. The only reason I have a girlfriend now is because she approached me, which I know is incredibly rare. I will give you as much advice as a fellow unlucky-with-the-ladies guy can.

First off, please, please do not try and be someone different to impress women. They tend to see through that and they may take it as a sign that they can walk all over you. Being yourself is a lot more attractive to women than faking confidence. I take it you've tried dating websites? Do you tend to go for the same type of woman each time or do you go for a variety of different types? I spent far too long looking for more high-maintenance women because I thought that was my type. But then when I first met up with my girlfriend after talking online, there was an instant connection. You will know it when you experience it.

My other advice is to learn to love yourself. Not in an arrogant way, just focus on your strengths and the best parts of your personality and enhance them the best you can.

Keep trying my friend, don't let rejection get you down. Good luck! Very Happy


Honestly, lately I have been dropping any kind of act. But the problem is that I think I come across with low self-esteem and lack of confidence. I have a tendency to tell the same stories over and over not realizing it until after. I mean I never really know what to say.

I always look for woman that have the same interest as me because it is easier to talk to them that way. You can get away with talking about your interesst because they actually like to discuss it. I like women who are very intelligent and know as much or more than I do.

Honestly I have been pretty much looking at anyone at this point. I am really into subcultures like punk and goth and the last woman I tried to date was into punk and looked it too. She had so many different hair styles and colors in all her pictures she sent me. Honestly I think punks and goths are some of the most attractive people. Normal women kind of bore me. I want someone who is into alternative clothing styles, is smart, and adventurous.

I mean I am on Okcupid and I have seen no one like this. I was on Punk Match where I met the last woman that did not work out. Unfortunately Punk Match is a really crappy site with no selection. I mean there are only 20 women that are even remotely close to me. It is a niche site and those always have lousy choices for your specific area. Plus most of them are not paying members so you cannot even contact them if you are a paying member. Kind of pointless. I need to try the other goth and punk sites because maybe I will get lucky again. I mean this last one would of been a lot of fun and we were getting so involved and flirting and she loved all the pictures I sent her and I liked her pictures. We would talk on the phone or on chat for around 5 hours sometimes. Then when we met for a first actual meeting there were just no sparks or any romantic connection. It seemed we were so comfortable with each other almost too comfortable well when we were talking and chatting. We were literally exactly the same. The same beliefs, may of the same interests, the same world view, the same issues.
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punkguy378
Velociraptor
Velociraptor


Joined: Jun 23, 2013
Age: 34
Posts: 495

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 8:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

TinyDancer wrote:
Maybe you need a change of location. Maybe you're living in a place where there just aren't enough people enough like you.


Yeah there is definitely a problem of location and I am not in any social circles where I live here. I mainly have been trying online dating. It is the only option right now. I mean I could try going to some "aspie" groups. There are plenty around the Boston area (I live in Rhode Island). I mean it is all linked with the Aspergers association of New England or whatever its called.

Most of my friends when I lived in California were part of recovery from alcohol and drugs. I am a recovering alcoholic and have been for 10 years now. So AA may be another place to meet people. I never had much luck with women in AA though and many of them are really really big time drama.

I mean I also am very different. Most of the women I meet have to be into either punk or goth because I tend to dress different plus now I have a mohawk so it seems like I have very slim choices for women that actually would be into my style. Also the Aspergers does not help either. It is like a double whammy with some women. I mean people sometimes just stare at me or just seem like they want to get away from me. I think I live in a very conservative area where if you look different the police will hassle you for dresding punk or goth and most people have a tendency to stare. It kind of stinks because I am very self-consciou but yet I dress in a way sometimes that no one can help but stare. Honestly I am trying to condition myself to not care what anyone thinks because I really don't. If I did I would not go out like I do. But honestly it does put people off.

I mean I do have clothing like jeans that are a little more conservative and regular shoes. I always wear band t-shirts though. Honestly I am not into the whole dressing up nicer thing. Not my style. I mean maybe I need to think about changing it but I really do not want a "normal" woman anyways. They have to be pretty unique as I find it extremely attractive. I mean punks and goths are so much more interesting and I think their hot. Some of them look imperfect which I also like. And I really like it when they are not skinny. At the same time I like a woman who can keep up with my intellect or my creativity. Women that have their masters degree are a turn-on for me as well as artistically talented women. Also if they are musically inclined I like that too. I am pretty much a creative individual and my style has nothing to do with that really. I mean some people would art and punk go together but it is not about that really. I would be creative regardless of the style of dress I prefer.
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1000Knives
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jul 09, 2011
Posts: 5079
Location: CT, USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 8:43 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Get good looking and cool.

I can attract them but once they talk to me it's over because I have the Spergers. But being good looking and cool at least gets women to try hitting on me and me not recognizing it until my friends are like "Hey, she was trying to hit on you."

As far as muscles. Yeah being able to beat the shit out of people is cool. Yeah, girls still haven't for the most part gotten out of the evolutionary "protector" phase. Oddly some girls, it seems opposites attract. I saw this one girl at my gym, good looking MMA fighter girl. Dates this fat sorta nerdy looking guy. So perhaps look for a confident MMA fighter girl? I mean the reason most girls want a "confident" guy is simple. They're unconfident themselves. Girls are incredibly unconfident for the most part. So dating a "confident" guy is a compensation.

Working out, though, as long as you're not doing drugs, you won't ever be hyoogzors. The most you'll probably ever look like with low bodyfat is Brad Pitt from Fight Club or some other similar physique. Working out is good for a lot of things. It's confidence increasing, I feel happy about various goals reached at the gym. It feels good to lift, say, 225lbs when your old max was 195. I think hormonally may be more important. My visual spatial skills have increased dramatically from working out, and I think it's because better hormone levels. How much increase in visual spatial skills? I can hit 5/6 numbers on a dartboard going 1,2,3, etc.

I can't give more advice, but getting more good looking helps a lot for AS. People are much more forgiving of social errors/etc you make when you're good looking vs when you're not, in my experience. Also I never get friendzoned because I share no common interests with like any girl.
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 14620
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 8:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Observe the guys who attract women all the time, what do you see?
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uwmonkdm
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Mar 06, 2013
Age: 24
Posts: 764
Location: Canada

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 10:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Stop trying to become "the ideal man" and become a better and more interesting version of yourself.
Implying anything about relationships before meeting in person reeks of desperation, and I certainly wouldn't tell her you're a virgin until losing it to her is actually a real possibility.
Everything you've written comes off as "I'm so desperate for a woman" and it sounds like your standards wouldn't even be that high... that's not attractive to a woman.
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GiantHockeyFan
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 19, 2012
Age: 31
Posts: 1818

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Observe the guys who attract women all the time, what do you see?

To me, it's because they are universally cocky, arrogant, love to put others down and will tell women exactly what they want to hear. Not exactly Aspie qualities nor the type of women most Aspies want to attract anyway.
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 14620
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok, then regarding the "type of women most aspies want", observe the guys who are with them, what do you see?
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1000Knives
Phoenix
Phoenix


Joined: Jul 09, 2011
Posts: 5079
Location: CT, USA

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 12:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Ok, then regarding the "type of women most aspies want", observe the guys who are with them, what do you see?


Chance and luck.
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EmberEyes
Deinonychus
Deinonychus


Joined: Apr 09, 2012
Posts: 368

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 1:13 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

punkguy378 wrote:
I mean I also am very different. Most of the women I meet have to be into either punk or goth because I tend to dress different plus now I have a mohawk so it seems like I have very slim choices for women that actually would be into my style.

punkguy378 wrote:
I mean I do have clothing like jeans that are a little more conservative and regular shoes. I always wear band t-shirts though. Honestly I am not into the whole dressing up nicer thing. Not my style. I mean maybe I need to think about changing it but I really do not want a "normal" woman anyways. They have to be pretty unique as I find it extremely attractive. I mean punks and goths are so much more interesting and I think their hot. Some of them look imperfect which I also like. And I really like it when they are not skinny. At the same time I like a woman who can keep up with my intellect or my creativity. Women that have their masters degree are a turn-on for me as well as artistically talented women. Also if they are musically inclined I like that too. I am pretty much a creative individual and my style has nothing to do with that really. I mean some people would art and punk go together but it is not about that really. I would be creative regardless of the style of dress I prefer.

Actually, the whole punk/goth thing sounds really hot, so does the fact that you like women who have brains and/or creativity.
Most of the people I ever were involved with, were 'friends of friends'. I used to be into tabletop roleplaying, which is a pretty limited pool in general, but through different RP-groups I made friends, and a few I ended up having a relationship with. I have had limited success with 'internet dating', especially through such general sites as OKCupid. I had some success through an online roleplaying group, but again, it was the common interest that drew us together, and from there we hit it off.
My point is, perhaps you need to find a circle of people with similar interests and start fishing in that pool.
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JanuaryMan
Aspierational
Phoenix


Joined: Jan 02, 2012
Posts: 3465

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 1:16 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Observe the guys who attract women all the time, what do you see?

To me, it's because they are universally cocky, arrogant, love to put others down and will tell women exactly what they want to hear. Not exactly Aspie qualities nor the type of women most Aspies want to attract anyway.


I think you're looking at them through jealous eyes. Look again, look at the qualities the WOMEN see, not the qualities you see which you wish other women saw.
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The_Face_of_Boo
A savage
Phoenix


Joined: Jun 17, 2010
Age: 32
Posts: 14620
Location: Beirut ,Lebanon

PostPosted: Thu Jul 04, 2013 2:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

JanuaryMan wrote:
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Observe the guys who attract women all the time, what do you see?

To me, it's because they are universally cocky, arrogant, love to put others down and will tell women exactly what they want to hear. Not exactly Aspie qualities nor the type of women most Aspies want to attract anyway.


I think you're looking at them through jealous eyes. Look again, look at the qualities the WOMEN see, not the qualities you see which you wish other women saw.


That's getting interesting, what do you see JM?
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