Why dating sites are BS

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What's easy to forget is that dating sites are TOOLS, like a hammer, an electric mixer, or a smartphone. They're supposed to be used a certain way. If you don't use them correctly, you won't get the results you want. The problem lies in the fact that unlike a hammer, an electric mixer, or a smartphone, instructions for dating sites don't exist. Not only that, they also change rapidly. Consider how 20 years ago, messaging someone online and having coffee with them a week later was downright unthinkable; now, most people would bail if the other person wasn't interesting in the idea of meeting them after talking for a week.

Unfortunately, the only way to learn is through trial and error, since we aspies don't have well-developed social intuition to fall back on. There are instruction forums available for that. Plenty of Fish has a forums section, girlsaskguys.com is pretty good, and even select PUA sites can offer good insight. Those are the instruction manuals for dating sites.

Yeah.. And they try to manipulate us with those smiley faces.
>:(
I really hate those type of people. They really make me feel sick sometimes. As an asexual female-ish being, I don't really have anything against dating sites because I... actually don't really need them. Don't get me wrong here, I might be asexual but I can still be attracted to someone in a quite romantic way. So this brings me to the real topic we were discussing here. I don't really like to hang around in dating sites and sending stuff like I'm a bit cold today if you know what I mean though I'm actually kind of curious about the number of aspies on those sites. I.. think there actually are some in okcupid and acebook [it's an asexual dating site. It's pretty cool!]. So I think dating sites have the potential of being something really useful as long as they're not used for dating. Yeah!

But that's why these sites exist in the first place; people are extremely socially isolated in modern industrial civilization, so their chances of finding like-minded people in real life are low. Dating sites are not so sh***y compared to the social scene some people have to deal with.

I've said it before that date sites are just not the place for aspies. It can get you frustrated and bitter. There's archaic ways of communication:
No response, is a response
Short replies
One-sided conversations

People barely even read your profiles. In many cases the people look at the pictures and ask themselves; can I imagine myself f*****g him/her.
And that's it.

Only thing I've learned about OLDing is about the women within my area. Most are Dutch (which has never worked out). And most are country type. Many have kids. And dont even get me started on the black women. O.o
Actually I am better outside my comfort zone. My ideal zone is to communicate with a female behind the screen. But guess what?
The minute you bore them its no way to recover.
And the time you say something stupid, they'll sum you up in that single segment.
Texting, emailing, IMing can all be misunderstood.

I feel better actually talking to women in person. Because then I can actually make them laugh and engage into a legit conversation with me. Most people online like people that can hold convos but they can't hold one themselves.

How hardened are your feelings? If you can handle OLDing then keep up by all means. But I cannot stress that "no response, is a response" thing. Even if they look at your profile.
You can send them a novel in your message but if you aren't what they like its just that.

Uhm, if you are Dutch (which I am too), isn't it logical that most women you'll meet on dating sites are Dutch? What is a country type? And what about black women?

That's what I find so frustrating. If I suggested meeting in less than a week (in a public place of course) the woman would pull a David Copperfield and disappear. However, if I dragged it on the woman would flake after 10-12 days and I would have wasted my time unnecessarily and still never job a face to face meeting. I did get a girl who agreed to meet after a week on Saturday and we will see if she doesn't have a last minute 'sickness'. Another girl I pretty much had to corner her to get her to say yes and while she did show up (10 minutes late) it was obvious she did NOT want to be on a date even though she claimed otherwise. I asked for date 2 and she said "well I have plans with (BFF) but if they fall through I will call you. Oh women why can't you just say what's on your mind?

I have another woman playing 'hard to get' and I'm tired of being nice. I will ask twice and if I don't get a clear and definite yes I move on. If a woman can't commit to a quick public meeting after a week, they are not girlfriend material to me and I am tired of wasting time and energy on flakes.

Im not surprised you find it hard to get dates with that attitude. It's bordering on misogyny and the quicker you get that, the quicker your life will change. Or doesn't it cross your mind *why* you have problems getting girls to even agree on a date with you?

What attitude? That I am tired of being walked over and being treated like a backup plan or being strung along by a woman who has no interest in meeting? If that's misogyny than I plead guilty. I don't think a little common courtesy and manners is too much to ask for. I have problems because most young women around where I live have terrible attitudes and you can ask just about anyone and they will confirm it. I actually went in to dating with a "it can't be that bad" attitude but getting flaked over and over without warning gets frustrating. What's so hard about saying "no thanks"?

There may be a crop of decent women who are actually interested in a serious relationship but I have yet to find them.

It's not so much about how much time passes, but how many messages you exchange. I've had situations where days would pass before she'd reply to my messages, in which case, I'd push back and take my sweet time myself. I've also had situations where we'd exchange up to four messages a day. Either way, once 7 or 8 messages went back and forth, I'd come out with it and suggest getting together. Luckily, meeting quickly is the norm now; in this instant gratification society we created, no one wants to invest too much time in something that's only a posssibility and not a sure thing. Another tactic I adopted is to NEVER use phone or texting before actually meeting her in person (except a quick "I'm on my way, see you in half hour" courtesy text). Phone calls and text messages provide too many easy opportunities for me to say something wrong and give the woman an excuse to flake out on me.


I agree with GiantHockeyFan here. What attitude?! It doesn't look like you ever had anyone break a date with you, so I don't blame you for not understanding the frustration with flaky dates. Unless there were some previous posts I haven't seen, that prompted you to play the misogyny card, accusations of an "attitude" are just a bad cop-out. Because hey, anyone can accuse someone of an "attitude" and automatically win, just because the NT society believes that an attitude is a bad thing to have.

I am not Dutch I am Black. But (in my experience) most Dutch women in my area are cold, dull, and boring and some lack sexual passion. They are tall, blonde, blue-eyed and gorgeous, But my ex ex gf was Dutch (6'1" and big body). And she was the opposite. Though she was also pushy but not everyone is perfect. Id still date a Dutch woman despite it.

With black women. SOME TYPE IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS.
Sum cant evenn sppelll disently
And all their profile talks about is getting money working hard and playing harder. Its the ones with the weaves you gotta watch out for. The ones without the weaves have common sense. Collected and know who they are.
I swear I was messeging a black girl and she was literally replacing the letter "g" with "q". I.E. "biqqer". And most of them have kids and dont even tell you.
These are just my experiences though. OLDing is not an online Gomorrah. Lol
If you have the thick skin for it go for it. I just recommend as an ASD, you find yourself getting ultimately frustrated or taking it more seriously; take a break! Go on hiatus!
Especially for men. OLDing could definitely make you colder and bitter and you won't look at women the same if you get that way. Trust me and heed my warning.

I am not Dutch I am Black. But (in my experience) most Dutch women in my area are cold, dull, and boring and some lack sexual passion. They are tall, blonde, blue-eyed and gorgeous, But my ex ex gf was Dutch (6'1" and big body). And she was the opposite. Though she was also pushy but not everyone is perfect. Id still date a Dutch woman despite it.

With black women. SOME TYPE IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS.
Sum cant evenn sppelll disently
And all their profile talks about is getting money working hard and playing harder. Its the ones with the weaves you gotta watch out for. The ones without the weaves have common sense. Collected and know who they are.
I swear I was messeging a black girl and she was literally replacing the letter "g" with "q". I.E. "biqqer". And most of them have kids and dont even tell you.
These are just my experiences though. OLDing is not an online Gomorrah. Lol
If you have the thick skin for it go for it. I just recommend as an ASD, you find yourself getting ultimately frustrated or taking it more seriously; take a break! Go on hiatus!
Especially for men. OLDing could definitely make you colder and bitter and you won't look at women the same if you get that way. Trust me and heed my warning.

What's this site now? Google gives me nothing.

Figured I'd give it a look-see.

I have a profile at special bridge and have had pretty good luck with it. Its designed for people with autism and asperger's. I also have a profile at eharmony but special bridge has been a nice second option. I like their match feature because it matches people based on interests and hobbies... not just looks.

Yes, and more yes. I was really sad to see that so many on this forum seem to be on dating sites. It's counter productive. Pouring through selfies of people who probably don't live anywhere near me isn't going to help and only serves to keep me away from human contact and therefore less practiced at it. I'm about to force myself to go to a burrito place with cute chicks working there so I can finish editing this book I'm working on and to get out of the house where I might happen to actually meet someone and have real chemistry and pheromones and body language and all that jazz. Also, I'm hungry and want a burrito. Now, and this is mostly directed at myself: GET OFF YOUR COMPUTER AND GO OUTSIDE.

I have heard of bad things too about dating sites. Catfishing for one and being scammed out of money. That is why you don't ever give money to anyone online no matter how bad their situation is they claim. One woman even sold her house to get money to help her lover out who didn't even exist.

I have met my ex boyfriend from myspace and met my other one from a dating site and my husband on a forum. I never did long distance relationships either but have had two online boyfriends back in high school and it never worked out because the first one found a girl and had her as his real girlfriend and the other one disappeared off the internet and said he was too busy. I felt I wasn't that important to him and moved on and never did a long distance relationship again. They had to live a driving distance, not something that would take me one night to get there.

Yeah this whole playing hard to get thing is a double edged sword. Some women probably do it to see if the guy is genuinely interested in them. But, this also turns off a lot of potential suitors, because it makes her look uninterested / not genuine.

Anyway my issue with online dating is only the gender ratio. As a guy going on a dating website you are significantly reducing your odds than trying the same thing in day to day life.