You're too smart & other jibes about being single

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Found this on the BBC News website. Wondered if anyone related to these experiences.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26578126

That article is about people who WANT to be single and are career driven. It's not really about socially inept singletons who just can't seem to get a girls number without coming off as creepy.

That's an interesting response. You are implying that only people who come over as creepy use this board. And what you say is also another jibe to add to the list of things people say about those who are single. "Oh you have a good job and an education. You must want to be single then. Maybe you made no time for relationships. I assume this because you are doing a job you enjoy and were educated to do rather than just working on minimum wage."

This is an article about people who are looking for a partner who is compatible rather than just settling down with the first person who comes along. They don't mention the part that social skills or lack of social skills has played in this because the article is about attitudes towards single people rather than being an article about social skills. For all we know they have problems with social skills. Why do you assume that they are all people with good social skills?

Any way none of them said that they don't WANT a relationship:

Take Jane Bhandari, Mumbai. She got married when "I had finally met somebody who did not view me as a sex object and whom I genuinely liked."

Or Kadie Yale from Jersey City "Like I've said before: It's all about chasing the ring for some, instead of a healthy relationship." She doesn't say that she doesn't want a relationship. She's saying that being single doesn't imply that there is something of less value about her. She wants a healthy relationship rather than settling for the wrong person for the sake of being socially acceptable.

Or Karthik, Bangalore, India who has been looking on dating sites, and states "I'm 31, male, live in Bangalore with a little above-average salary of 35,000 rupees per month and am working in a major newspaper. I have been searching for a bride for the past five years. Every matrimonial website I've been through shows that the majority of the women expect a man to be in the engineering or a banking profession with a salary above 50,000 rupees a month." Let me repeat I have been searching for a bride for the past five years.

Or Stephanie C from New York " Recently I was forced to go on a "date", which means dinner with both families in an awkward environment. When my aunt asked me later why I didn't like him, she said, "You said you wanted a guy that lives in Manhattan and he lives in Manhattan". I tried to explain that just because someone lives in Manhattan, doesn't mean I'll marry him. "But he likes to eat and travel like you." "Oh really, you mean like all of my friends and maybe the rest of the planet?" I rather be single than be with someone I'm not compatible with." She wants someone compatible. She doesn't say she WANTS to be single.

I didn't imply anything, it was a general short reply.

People here have problems because they might come off as creepy without realising it, maybe I probably have, or they don't know how to talk, or their sex drive is too low for the other person, there are all sorts of reasons, but the general comment here is, people in the Love and Dating section don't WANT to be single, they're just unsuccessful.
You misunderstood me.

I've totally given up dating sites, yes I've deleted my okc, weirdly enough, since I've ever turned 32, instead of being asked the usual odd questions: "Why are you single"/ "Are you single" now they're asking me "Are you married?/ Aren't you married?" - like What the f.....

Plus, my priority is finding a better job because my current one isn't much paying anymore, so dating now would be pointless anyway.

Hmm, I guess we are just on totally different wavelengths, but I was replying to the suggestion that the people in the article want to be single. They don't. They accept that they are single, but I quoted a few to show that they are looking for someone, they just haven't found the right person yet, or it took time to find the right person. The general feeling I got from the article was that these were people who couldn't find anyone to click with, but were making the most of their situation regardless.

Except the male in the article, hurtloam, except the male Indian, he has a double layers of problems... his first problem that no woman is accepting to date him in 5 years; that doesn't neglect the problem of finding the right one too. Sadly, the fewer the options/suitors the less likely to find the right one and he'll probably, out of desperation, end up with the first one who accepts him (and chances are very low that she'll be compatible), a lot of men in life fall in this trap btw.

In the article it doesn't say he has not dated for 5 years. Maybe he has been on many dates but hasn't found the right one.
And he is just as picky as women.

He is trying to marry one those well educated, high earning women, not a waitress or a store clerk.
That's why he is still single. So how is he any different than those women in the article?

He didn't say he doesn't want to date waitresses and clerks, maybe he tried to date some, it just happens that he's only finding high earners on these sites.

Didn't read the article, however I do not think it's possible to be "too smart" to find a significant other. You know, chicks and dudes dig that, actually.

When it comes to myself - I'm not "too smart" to find anyone (and I don't like being referred to as especially smart - my everyday procedure proves otherwise), actually I got a few women falling for me recently but I'm rather picky myself. I wouldn't want a girlfriend who doesn't understand a word I'm saying when I get into another rant about how the Darwinian/Synthetic Theory concept of evolution was never supposed to be some kind of hierarchic "ladder", how said concept actually should have put an end to hierarchic ideas of evolution and how punctualism is misunderstood even amongst the community. On the other hand, of course, not having a school grad that would qualify me for university doesn't make it exactly likely for me to find a biology student. Another year from now, sure but when I'm a freshman every woman my age will already be working on their PhD.

In fact, I've posted a study here not long ago showing that IQ and virginity are positively correlated.

To a point. Dudes tend not to dig it once it's gone past the novelty stage, esp if the woman's brighter/faster/better-educated.

I'm v. quick and have done a lot of things, multiple formal educations plus a whole bunch of other stuff. It does make it tough for a guy to keep up, and, well, men, not IME the planet's most consistently energetic creatures. I'm also easily bored in conversation and want something substantial to talk about. It's gotten to the point where I warn guys ahead of time, and they don't believe me, and then go figure, it turns out to be a real thing. Only exception was a spectacularly gifted and intelligent man, and he killed himself. There's too smart for all kinds of things.

Though he did have a nice story about being attacked physically by John Nash in a computer lab. i'd forgotten about that, just found it in email the other day.

Seems to me these people have to specific expectations. This is why dating sites to me are just disgusting all it teaches people is to be picky.

Use broad expectations the person you may reject for making slightly less per year but you clicked with personality wise could land a good job two years later. Do people just assume that once someone finds a partner they just stop improving? I would think the opposite happens because you now have some support and feel better. Unless you get into a bad relationship.

If a woman warns me ahead of time like this (ie. "Be warned, I am very smart and I get very bored if you don't keep up an intelligent and smart conversation all the time") then I would quickly run the other way because it obviously shows that she's very arrogant and full of herself.

You'd be wrong in this case. But when I was younger I used to get lot of guys who were, you know, brighter than average (but not all that brilliant) and really thought much of *themselves* -- they'd assume they were smarter than women, and would think it was really nifty to meet a bright, extensively-educated woman. Some of them seemed to think I was like a trick dog, or something. They'd themselves all geared up for a chase, only to find that they really didn't enjoy not being able to hold up their end of the conversation, nor the fact that the mind's on whenever I'm awake. They couldn't handle not being smarter than the woman, nor what felt to them like a relentless demand for top form. It was a pain in the ass, to tell you the truth, dealing with these guys, because I had to try to protect their feelings until they backed out or I found a nice spot to say "I just don't think this is working." Now that we're older the guys tend to know themselves better, know how tired they are, and what kind of chases they don't want, so they dig a little conversation but don't waste their time or mine.

Sounds like one of those snitch ugly-nerds from high school who think they're smarter and more clever than everyone else.