You're too smart & other jibes about being single

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Good for them but for the love of everything that is holy please understand that one example does not mean everyone else is the same. Or should be the same.

Everyone has a right to define their own personal happiness however they see fit, k?

I think pete is right; people are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you'll get. I know when you've know people a long time, interactions are predictable, but things do change over time.

I think you're spot on about customs and politeness. etc. I hadn't thought of it that way.

As for me, I guess these things are just in my scope of "special interests". So it could well be just me.

Some things don't. A guy who at 30 finds happiness in a repetitive, non-intellectual job, comes home and wants to crack a beer, watch a game, play cards with his buddies, etc., and spend weekends at a barbeque or a family reunion is extremely unlikely to become a brilliant 50-year-old with deep, wide-ranging intellectual interests and articulate, high-level conversation about them. Should a woman who isn't happy with the 30-year-old guy marry him in hopes that he'll turn into the 50-year-old guy? I think most people would call that a bad idea. Only if she's happy with Guy A should she do that.

That's not what I meant. I'm talking about people you see in passing and make conversation with. Not about life partners. If you're with someone who you don't find to be pleasant company than move on.

Nor do I; you're reading that in, possibly because of your own insecurities. I do tell a guy when I don't think it's going to work, and at this point in life I do it right away. If he insists on knowing why, I'll tell him. If he finds that insulting -- as our woman at the bar did -- then that's too bad, but I don't give such guys the chance to prove themselves anymore. If I can already see in their online talk that I'm not going to enjoy the conversation, I don't draw things out and make it painful for both of us. It do appreciate it when a guy doesn't show up indiscriminately, panting-dog-style, all over everything that's female and local. The guys I have most trouble with these days are laughably bad matches, and given a month together they'd be desperate to leave too, but they're busy playing the numbers and figure it doesn't matter so long as the person has the right body parts. That's annoying because it does put the burden on me to let them down immediately and as nicely as possible, and more annoying if they won't take the first "thanks, no, good luck" for an answer. At this point I just block those guys.

For that matter, if someone doesn't respond to me, I don't go off in a huff, deciding he's an arrogant prick. He's just interested in something else, something I'm not. Whether or not I have any control over that thing isn't an issue -- if he wants a tall 30ish woman who's passionate about partner dancing, that's not me.

Ah. The thread is about life partners, though.

I do wander sometimes.

But if two people in a relationship are not on the same level intellectually, then it will grate over time.

Wow... this thread goes fast.

Well this thread totally didn't go the way I expected it to. The point was supposed to be that you have value as a single person no matter what insensitive comments you might get from others. Maybe I should have said that at the start... oh well.