inachildsmind wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
So what happens when he starts hitting the kids?
If you won't get out for your sake, get out for theirs. Your "happy family" doesn't exist with what you've got now.
He doesnt just go around beating me. Its not a healthy situation all together but it doesnt mean that its easy to just go. I dont want to play a victim. He has put up with a lot as well. Only I know I am getting help for it. Its hard for me to read people and he is the hardest person to read now. He definitely has some issues and they only come out when I talk about his feelings or him being inconsiderate. He hates being told about things he does "wrong". I dont just sit there and belittle him, I ask him questions and try to figure out what is going on and he flips. I get being annoyed with me or upset even but his behavior is just over board. I know he is bad for me. I wish I could find more than just this one thing so I could leave. There is so many good things about him though. If he could allow himself to tackle this, we would be okay. I will leave. I just dont know when. For now, my kids are safe and I cant imagine they ever wont be with him. Maybe we are just toxic together.
He might not be physically abusing you but he sure the hell is emotionally abusing you which
IS abuse and this abuse IS effecting your children, he is going to destroy you and your children, if you let him.
This is a classic abusive and manipulative relationship. This is why many women stay with their abusers, it is always the same...
They think they can change their lover, they always say things like "if he wasn't like this, he'd be perfect!" and "He loves me he just needs to get through this!"
He is mentally abusing you, you and your children are not "safe" and he is most defiantly not going to change. The question is, is that the life you want for yourself and most of all for your children?
My ex was like this, leaving him was the best choice I have ever made.
I get it. I dont wanna put my kids in a bad situation. I have one more trick up my sleeve and if that doesnt work then it will prove that this relationship is a take take take for him. I wont allow my kids to grow up in a hurtful environment. I have been there, I remember what it was like. My son and daughter are typically in bed and on the other side of the house when we have our blow ups and a few times he has allowed things to get explosive with me in front of them but maybe 3 times in the 3 1/2 years I have had kids so its not something they witness on a daily basis. I wont let it get that way. I do love him and I want to try one more thing. If it does not work I have already told my sister I will be staying with her for a while with the kids and she is prepared. I have had a few days to think of this so I am getting all my "ducks" in a row. Yes he has become abusive, something I never thought he would be, but what we have together is something I have never found in anyone else. Its hard to rip away from someone who suits you so well at the same time. We have a lot going on and I think we are both immature on knowing how to handle it all. I can hope this change will help us. I am not a crazy girl who will allow her man to beat and put her down day in and day out. This is different, not good, but its not the worst. When we leave this place all his awful childhood memories will stay here, he doesnt have to be reminded of his pain everyday and how worthless his family life was. He has always wanted the best for his kids and me. You will not be able to heal from the stings if you keep yourself inside the hive. Only time will tell. I will give it a few months in the new home. The first sign of anything gone bad, I am out or making him leave either or. I have not told him my plan because I do not want to give him ideas or to let him know how I am feeling right now. I think its best to just keep it to myself and allow him to heal without the thought of me leaving. Plus, it will make it easier for me to just up and leave without him knowing IF it does decided to get bad. Who knows, maybe it will be a huge change. Never know till you try.
15 Apr 2014, 10:03 am
