How do I understand men better?

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I'll be brutally honest: guys around my age confuse me greatly. Their mannerisms and facial expressions seem foreign to me. How do I understand the male sex better? How do I befriend a guy without him completely ignoring me after trying to get to know him? How do I not creep a guy out? How do I not let my anxiety get to me? I'm sorry for generalizing and asking so many questions. I'm so confused.

AspieOtaku, that is hilarious. You have made me laugh. Thank you so much.

AspieOtaku, that is hilarious. You have made me laugh. Thank you so much.

Are you able to give more specific, concrete examples? Where are you, how do you know the guys in question, where do you interact with them, etc?

My thing with getting along with anyone has always been humour and shared taste in something - music, film, books. If I can make someone laugh, and they can make me laugh, that's wonderful. And a shared taste gives you something personal to talk about but that can be held at a distance.

In my opinion trying too hard always ruins everything. Just relaxing and being yourself can really pay off, once you put aside the pressure to be something you are not and just make an effort to be more friendly in your own natural way things can fall into place.

Even being an aspie, you can be fun, funny, attractive by just being relaxed and real.

The comic is accurate.

Males between ~12 and ~28ish will focus on getting laid as priority and treat a relationship with you as 'something they must do to get what they want (sex)'.

Best thing you can do with guys around your age is to not think of them as a deep emotional relationship but rather just as a friend who is trying subtlety and overtly to get into your pants.

Consider this:

Oxytocin is literally the 'bonding' hormone. It is produced by the brain naturally and its release is apparently triggered by many external factors. When you meet someone that falls within your preferences of physical attractiveness your brain releases a little bit more than usual..the more time you spend with that person the higher the saturation of that hormone in your brain. If that person's personality is inside your preferences then you release a little bit more. Over time the release of oxytocin becomes addictive and since it is only released in those big quantities when that person is around then you become addicted to that person. Oxytocin in high saturation causes you to feel 'high' with deep bonding/comfortable feelings. Aka, 'love'.

...this is where things get a bit rough for women: estrogen bonds with oxytocin and keeps the oxytocin present in the body longer than it normally would last on its own. Estrogen actually increases the production of oxytocin receptors. Testosterone does not. So, a woman gets her reproductive system involved in the addiction. It generates an almost obsessive need once the release of estrogen sync's up with the release of oxytocin. Ergo, sex.

For the guy, its different. Sex does not bond him to the woman as strongly because when post-sex she is feeling deeply connected/in love/the world is great.. he is probably thinking about what a good time he just had and wondering about tomorrow's football game. Testosterone spikes actually help flush out the oxytocin faster out of his system. Males have the highest production of testosterone between age 10 and 30. Post 30 the testosterone levels decrease and spike a lot less during sex.

So there's the reason for two 'commonly known truths': Why women generally prefer middle aged men as 'best' partners in life (less test. levels and less spiking = he's into you not just your body) and '"Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned' (ever seen an addict during withdrawals? or an addict being denied his drug? )

I think it depends on the crowd you want to hang out with too; videogames and movies are pretty easy bonding material, I notice a lot of guys like playing magic the gathering too. In any town I've been in, there's at least one comic book store that doubles as a hangout for magic the gathering enthusiasts.

I can vouch for the one track minded ness, I know of two approaches for keeping it platonic (both involve lying): you're either married to a navy seal or you're a lesbian. I remember my friend brought his gf to visit him in Alaska and just about every guy he knew tried hitting on her.

I get very frustrated with the whole 'men only think about sex.' I was a virgin for almost 30 years and being a physically 'desirable' person it's not because I couldn't but that I did not want meaningless sex to someone I wasn't in love with. Maybe I'm weird but I know a few men who other than their wives never had a romantic relationship. Meanwhile, my ex is begging me to have sex with her to which will refuse. Lest you think this is because of my age, I have ALWAYS felt this way, even as a teenager. Absolutely no interest in sex outside of a committed relationship for me and no I am anything but religious.

However, even I will admit that at 18, I had no friends because that seemed to be the big talk of the day. I wonder how many of these 'studs' were also virgins as well with no interest in sex? I'd rather just hold a woman close and gently stroke her hair than have sex but hey, I AM a little on the weird side.