How do I understand men better?

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Thank you all so much for your help. I'm currently NOT in therapy because of what my psychologist told me. He was helpful when I talked about the abuse I dealt with when I was younger. Oh, about the boy thing, boys in parks and stuff would play with me, but boys at school wouldn't. Is that weird or normal? Was it because the boys at school didn't want to be associated with the "weird girl" in the class?

Well I don't know your situation but yes thats probably it. I was the "weird boy" in school but in sports, parks etc I was tolerated and occasionally accepted. My "friends" in school all turned on me because they didn't want to be bullied themselves as I understand it.

Hate to tell you this, but those weren't friends.
But different people are more accepted in different social situations than others...I don't understand it but I'm sure the NTs do because I've witnessed it myself and with others.

you said the main or only reason guys get into relationships is sex, and its all they think about. I disagree. My response had nothing to do with oxytocin. as to pair bonding, Sex for me tends to cause more emotional bonding towards the other person on a more deeper level then hugging or cuddling. I don't know what It's like for women as I'm not one, but they seemed to move on just find where as I felt more connected to them and had a harder time moving on.

anyways I suppose its all lies as I'm just a mindless sex animal right. I hate that stereotype of men only think of and want sex. and women connect emotional thru sex only. when I've seen many cases of the opposite. If all men wanted was sex then they would never stay with one woman they would all just keep hoping around.

This is what I was referring to




is this how it is for you? that doesn't mean that's how it is for men in general. I haven't ever from most guys I know.
I more of the feeling connecting/ love/ cuddle for closeness along with anxiety about if she enjoyed it too. I don't think about anything other then her and me. I've never heard of guys thinking about other stuff right after sex.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnEmFuYmyIU[/youtube]

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnEmFuYmyIU[/youtube]

You can't understand "men" better. "Men" do not have any particular way of thinking or feeling. If you don't want to creep them out then don't get to close to them physically or talk about one subject for long amounts of time unless they ask you to or talk about it in detail unless they say they also like the subject as much as you or talk about anything you like a lot without saying things like "Hi" and "Who's your favorite band?" first. But this is about people in general not any one specific person. If you are not doing any of these things then maybe we can tell you more but we can't tell you anything if its too general and you have not told us what you do or how you act when you meet people. If you have met them more then once and then stopped talking to you what have the commonly or frequently said to you first? Probably don't do that thing unless it's a ret*d "social rule" like "you must wear clothes when people are in your house" in which case if they believe in it when you don't then they're not good anyway. Conversations and how to have a good conversation without being an as*hole are different then the types of "social rules" that I just mentioned, and Aspies and autistic people should try to do certain things of these normal conversation abilities if it's possible because if they don't they are being rude due to not acting like they care about the other person's feelings and existence as a human being or in some cases actually not caring. One example of something like this is not replying. If the human you are conversing with is your boyfriend, relative, or good friend, then you should ALWAYS respond to what they say because otherwise you are ignoring them and they have a legitimate reason to get mad. There are some particular times when a response is unnecessary because the other person has made the last necessary response, but if you don't know when these times are then you should just always respond (something like, "Okay" or "I don't know" or "I don't understand the concept and I don't think explaining anymore will help," or "I can't find the words to tell you what I think about that" are fine. The only exceptions ever are when you are being severely verbly abused and you are too scared to say anything because you know that no matter what you say you will get screamed at more, or when you reply by doing whatever the person has asked you to do or by something like kissing someone who asks "Do you still love me?", i.e. replying with an action instead of words. But the action only works if the person will know what the action means, so if you do the action and they ask you again, it means they need a verbal response. Like I said that one was just an example. The reason why conversation normalities are important is because if its not then it is hurting and ignoring the other person. Of course there are many different ways to have a "normal" conversation, and some people are stupid. People will probably tell you something like "That's not normal! When someone says ______ you have to do ______ that's not right!! !! !". They will say this when they're mad at you for not doing it and if they say it then you should make every effort to do what they said, probably with everyone you talk to but especially with that specific person. But if there's some reason why you can't to it, then you can explain it to that person why you can't, and they're a good person they will either try to understand it or discuss it with you further. Just make sure whoever you're listening to is a decent person and not someone who gossips a lot or like a stereotypical soccer mom (in the bad way), because what they say about something like that does not need to apply, and they are unlikely to respect you fully no matter what your interests or social preferences are. So that part was to explain why conversational parts are important and to explain why they are different from stupid "social rules".

Anyway, as I said, you cannot do anything to understand "Men" because "Men" have no particular hobbies, prejudices, wants, needs, tendencies, or ways of thinking to understand. If you want to better understand an individual man, then listen to what he tells you about how he thinks or feels and assume that everything he says about those subjects is true without accusing or not believing it because no one would ever lie about those subjects unless they are a sociopath.