Asking Someone Out (when they might be in a relationship)

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Aug 2014, 5:18 am

The word "taken" to be used as "in relationship" is sexist, I've learned that from tarantella.

Oh but wait, this is a guy to guy case, hmm, is it sexist still or just derogatory?



AstroGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jan 2011
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,582

20 Aug 2014, 5:14 pm

Just an update in case anyone is interested:

On Monday night I decided to message D on Facebook to see if he'd be back from his trip and would like to get coffee sometime this weekend. The reason I did that over Facebook was because I'm leaving to visit home for a week or so after that and I won't have a chance to ask him in person before then. Anyway, there was no reply yesterday, although I knew he'd seen my message (I still don't know whether that Facebook feature is a blessing or a curse) and had been online. I basically figured he wasn't going to reply at all, which struck me as rather rude. In any case, I knew that it wasn't a good sign.

Today he did reply. He apologized for being a bit late, saying it's because he's been busy at a conference. I suspect that's only half the truth. He explained that he won't be back from his trip until September because he's going to be visiting his partner after the conference. My guess is that the delay was mostly due to him trying to figure out how to tactfully respond and to let me know that he's in a relationship without me losing face. I sent back the reply "Understood," as it could be interpreted to mean that I understood the subtext of his message as well as why he couldn't do this week.

Needless to say, I'm not in the happiest of moods right now. That said, I was pretty much expecting that things wouldn't go the way I wanted, so that did soften the blow. And at least now I know unambiguously what the situation is. So in that regard I don't regret asking him out. The thing that most concerns me is that I won't be able to avoid seeing him during the school year, since the physics department is very small at my school. I know I said earlier that I wanted to get to know him as a friend, but maybe that was just an excuse; while in principle I would like to get to know him better, I feel like that might be too painful for me. At least for the next few weeks I won't have to see him, I guess.



ypi
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2013
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 29
Location: UK

18 Sep 2014, 10:15 am

AstroGeek wrote:
Just an update in case anyone is interested:

On Monday night I decided to message D on Facebook to see if he'd be back from his trip and would like to get coffee sometime this weekend. The reason I did that over Facebook was because I'm leaving to visit home for a week or so after that and I won't have a chance to ask him in person before then. Anyway, there was no reply yesterday, although I knew he'd seen my message (I still don't know whether that Facebook feature is a blessing or a curse) and had been online. I basically figured he wasn't going to reply at all, which struck me as rather rude. In any case, I knew that it wasn't a good sign.

Today he did reply. He apologized for being a bit late, saying it's because he's been busy at a conference. I suspect that's only half the truth. He explained that he won't be back from his trip until September because he's going to be visiting his partner after the conference. My guess is that the delay was mostly due to him trying to figure out how to tactfully respond and to let me know that he's in a relationship without me losing face. I sent back the reply "Understood," as it could be interpreted to mean that I understood the subtext of his message as well as why he couldn't do this week.

Needless to say, I'm not in the happiest of moods right now. That said, I was pretty much expecting that things wouldn't go the way I wanted, so that did soften the blow. And at least now I know unambiguously what the situation is. So in that regard I don't regret asking him out. The thing that most concerns me is that I won't be able to avoid seeing him during the school year, since the physics department is very small at my school. I know I said earlier that I wanted to get to know him as a friend, but maybe that was just an excuse; while in principle I would like to get to know him better, I feel like that might be too painful for me. At least for the next few weeks I won't have to see him, I guess.


That's nice you updated. You write a lot like I do in my native language. Sorry for the late reply.
As you said, things sometimes don't go as planned. Just try to act naturally when you need to meet or interact with him, even though it's painful. This pain will eventually go away, I guess that the fact he didn't give you many hints may help too.
Final note: the Facebook "seen" feature is really a curse, haha.
Stay strong and good luck (: