Why is love and dating extremely courtship and strategic-bas

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Outrider, there's no system. You really are overanalyzing. Two people who fancy each other...what happens depends on who they are. There are couples who spot each other, seal the whole deal with their eyes, and go find a closet or a car. There are others who write long letters to each other for 20 years. If there were any kind of a system, we'd all be using it by now and living happily ever after.

No real system, but let's say in terms of social interaction there really are pre-existing social norms that cannot just be ignored.

For instance, it is traditional for a male to ask out a female and pay for the first date; and many men prefer to pay fully instead of splitting the bill.

Although not all men may be like this, it is traditional and still somewhat expected of young males to behave in this way, and young females to accept their invitation and be thankful for a free date.

There's no rules or systems in reards to dating, but there are little social biases and double standards that we can't just sweep under a rug.

But yes I see what you mean. If two people are attracted to each other they make it work in their own way. I agree. That's not my argument however. My argument is if two people do not yet have these feelings but want to simply get to know each other and see if things can work out and if feelings will build-into something more; more often then not the other person is someone you barely know; as in you may have only met them a few days ago, a week at the most. And instead of legitimately getting to know them like promised, it's merely tedious little dating minigames and exchanging messages on email/text back and forth. Little gestures.

Rarely have I met a girl my own age (15) who would just like to walk around the city, taking in the ambience, having long and deep conversations and really building a connection. Instead it's cheesy little movies, poor quality restaurants, and instead of building a connection it's childish playful little flirting, etc. Very tedious and repetitive.

And if you don't engage in these little choose-impress games and cheesy-minigames, you probably won't build a connection fast.

And if you actually prefer a more deep and meaningful way of befriending or possibly dating someone new; it apparently doesn't work out...

Well, wait a few years then (I know) till you get to uni; you'll find plenty of girls who want long walks and conversation there. And in the meantime...no, I mean connections aren't usually built fast. And you're right, it often doesn't work out, that's humans. It sounds like you're in a group of people who play at dating, and you're not going to find what you're after there. But the whole world is not like this. Just be careful not to get so embittered about it over the next few years that by the time you do get to uni and find nice, interesting women who want to walk around and build a connection, you're so negative and slicing about either relationships or girls that you drive the ones walking along beside you away. (Also don't spend entire walks complaining about how crap dating is and obsessing over how awful it was trying to date this girl or that -- pay attention to the woman who's actually there meaning to enjoy your company.)

Best bet is ignore them or at least pretend to show no interest in them then they will wonder why and if they like you they will make an effort and approach you and if you like them enough thats when its jack pot women these days prefer to be the ones to make the moves.

Sly, you are right, sitting and watching her drink would be a bit odd. You could order a piece of cake, a sausage roll or a granola bar or just get a glass of water or juice.

But Outrider has some good ideas too. I definately think that going somewhere that you can actually talk to each other is a good idea. I've never seen the point of a cinema date. You go to the cinema to watch a film, not to be socialble. It's maybe a better date later on when you know each other a bit better and just want to chill out together in front of a movie, but for a first date the cinema sucks.

If a man asked me to go to an art gallery or museum or an exhibition with him then I would be delighted. You can always talk about the exhibits if you get stuck for conversation.

I've got a gut feeling that some men may retort that they don't meet women like that and only meet the kind who like clubbing. Don't get hung up on that. Don't feel like you should pretend to love clubs to get girls, you'll only meet the kind you don't really get along with if you do that and they are probably at clubs to meet people like them and that's why you strike out because you're not similar kinds of people and that's ok, everyone is different and gets on with differnt sorts of people. Go to museums and things like that, the kind of things you actually enjoy and meet like minded people.

Yeah, yeah, I know easier said than done.

To the OP. If you feel like you're going to have more success approaching strangers then do what you feel works. Some people end up with friends, some get together after a random meeting. There is no "correct" way to date. Just go with what you feel works for you.

Chivalry as applied to courtship/dating is dead. It has been replaced by being polite.

I would not go the whole date a stranger straight to love at first sight route. That has become ingrained in dating culture, and it needs to hurry up and die, too.

Your first step should be make a lot of friends. Next, be proactive in arranging meetups. From that crowd, find ways to hang out with single folks you'd be interested in going out with. This will establish your dating pool. Keep that pool open. Ask one or two new people out every week. When you get turned down, go to the next person on the list. Rinse and repeat often.

What will start to happen is out of those who accept dates, some will show more interest in you than others. Your dating pool will become a lot more shallow at this point. Of those who really like you, you're going to want to spend more time with some than others. The one who really, REALLY likes you and somehow stands out over the others is the one you're going to explore the possibility of a commited LTR with. If that doesn't work, i.e. he or she keeps options open, go to the next one. Repeat until romantic feelings are reciprocated and you achieve LTR status. Meet the parents. Get your families together. Still cooking after 6 months of being an "official" couple? Everything good among prospective in-laws? Had the talk about making babies? Get married, and don't waste time getting there, either.

The friendship stages will take the most time. You need to know how people act when they don't know someone is watching. When a guy breaks up with a girl and starts chatting you up, you'll already know if he abuses drugs and beats women. If a woman you're acquainted with trashes her bf in front of her friends comes available, you'll want to stay away so the same doesn't happen to you. Keeping those boundaries early on will bring the crazies up to the surface and reveal them for who they really are. Only then do you need to start looking at how successful a romantic relationship would be. Since you already know things can work out, you can cut a lot of "courtship" corners that often trap couples in bad relationships.

Personally, I prefer a lengthy procedure (months or years) of just flirting. That procedure will automatically weed-out abusers, narcisists and psychopaths as they won't invest that much in a single relationship. Traditional dating is a perfect setup for the bad guys/gals as they can quickly form abusive relationships.