Why is love and dating extremely courtship and strategic-bas

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To the last three posts in here:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/you-cant-force-a-relationship-or-attraction-with-a-nice-guy/

It applies the same to men as well. Believe me on that one, I watched a woman rationalize their behaviour in front of me after I did that with the previous women. And it is true... more often than not, you have to see your behaviour mirrored in someone else to know how horrible it is.

What I meant is that there is a rather simple method that can create a connection to any girl. I don't need to know anything about her. It's happened the same way at least 3 different times. Thus, I don't think attraction has a lot to do with whom I get connected to, rather it requires a very specific procedure to happen.

I wouldn't want to use this method on just anybody, and the first time it happened it took many years to get rid of the connection.

Ooh my god I liked him sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much.

I hate it when I really like a guy and he doesn't like me. I'm afraid I will never meet someone like him again.

Personally, I never had any pool of possible partners. The connections happened so rarely that I seldom had more than one at a time. I don't believe in the traditional dating game at all. If I ever needed to get into dating again, I would still require long term commitment to flirting before even thinking about getting into a relationship. That's the best method to weed-out the bad stuff. The one's that do put some effort into it will typically work for me, so I don't need to be very selective with them.

In essence, it's better with one quality candidate than 100s of speed-dates that are all worthless. It's especially better because 100s of dates going wrong will put your self-esteem at a zero point. No sense in subjecting yourself to that.

It sounds like your so obsessed with playing these "dating games" by Neurotypical rules that aren't designed with people like us in mind. If you try to date by behaving and acting like what you think most other girls are looking for, you will fail. In the off chance you manage to convince a normal (i.e. NT) to go out with you, it can only end badly because you're being a fake to get there.

In other words, stop thinking you need to appeal to the majority that likes to play games. You should be trying to appeal to the minority that agrees with you and thinks such games are stupid.

You wouldn't be speed-dating, though. You wouldn't be dating anywhere remotely within the conventional sense. The primary goal is not to find "the one." The goal is to just get to know as many people as you can on a strictly casual basis. You won't necessarily actually go out with hundreds of women. It's just the more contacts you have, the easier it's going to be to find someone to hang out with on the weekend, with the understanding that you're just hanging out and having fun. You aren't going to call up 100 available women without at least person agreeing to go out with you one time. If these are women you know already, you won't make it far down the list before you find someone. After 3 or 4 rejections by the same woman, cross her off the list. I wouldn't ask her out after a rejection unless I'd made it through the list already and came back to her, which could take a long time. After 4 unreturned text messages or voicemails, I'll write her off as a fader and call it good.

The problem as I see it isn't that you can't cut straight to the chase and pursue every woman who smiles at you as a romantic LTR in the conventional sense. It's that finding a quality partner isn't easy, and there is a complex of unwritten rules and non-verbal cues that a person with social deficits will find impossible to navigate. NTs won't find that quite so difficult.

If you don't or can't understand the social/relational labyrinth to a LTR, your best bet is to bypass the game with all its rules altogether. Go with a simpler, more logical process, get emotion out of the picture (i.e. not the first person you feel an attraction to), and put more stock in activities that put the probability of finding a number of "quality" individuals to date more in your favor.

Doesn't mean you still can't get hurt. Doesn't mean people don't still change their minds. Just means it's more likely that the last one standing is your most compatible partner.