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What not to do - online dating

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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2014, 2:01 pm

Yuzu wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
That's most true, thing is that I only APPEAR attractive in pictures mainly because my most unattractive physical attributes (shortness, black eye circles, not-so-aligned teeth) aren't apparent in pics; I've always been told that I appear taller in pics.

Even tho my height info was honestly displayed, a digital info of height won't create a 'not attractive' reflex in women browsing my profile as it does in real life, or most likely they don't read the profile well.


One time I met up with a guy who listed his body type as "average" but his face pics made him look like he was overweight. But I thought maybe he just had a chubby face and a leaner body.
Well he was indeed very overweight. I should've trusted what I saw in the pics.



lol Myspace angle.

I wonder sometimes tho, are my pictures really that dishonest? I don't try to take specific angles or crop or anything like that; maybe I should have posted a group pic to show how my height looks like? :lol:

It always puzzling to me how females online compliment my looks (with private sexual advances, unsolicited nude pics....yeah, to that extent) yet in real life I see nothing any of this lust; I have a lot of female friends and I can easily befriend so it's not something in my personality; and seeing how my female friends, females here and on other sites how much they care about height then my height is the most probably turn off in real life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2014, 2:01 pm

Yuzu wrote:
Shaded wrote:
I often balance between athletic or average. I am average in size. Maybe could be smaller. As people often group me in the "lean" category. But I don't have much of a six-pack. I put athletic because I am athletic. I can run, jump, and cut better than most women. Lol lol
But if athletic means (ripped) then I'd respectively put average.


I'd assume:

athletic = ripped, good at sports, or work out a lot (I know you can be athletic without being ripped but this is just appearance wise)
fit = not quite ripped but toned body with some defined muscles
average = not overweight but no defined muscles

but I realize that in the states, "average" means "not morbidly obese".
It's all subjective so it's useless to see what body type they think they have.


I am between average and fit then.



RetroGamer87
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19 Aug 2014, 3:18 pm

What not to do? Sometimes their profiles say not what to do. They say do not contact me if;

1. You don't direction in life - meaning an impressive job title or plans to get one
I'm still working on this one, sort of, I've made it my goal to think of a goal.

2. You're less than some arbitrary minimum height they set, e.g. 6 foot - not really an issue for me

3. You still live with your parents - I've only recently acquired a flat - it occurs to me that they may
take this as a sign of domestic dependance, not necessarily, it could be that you just can't afford rent.

So those are three things not to do, according the profiles I've read.



katiesBoyfriend
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19 Aug 2014, 4:01 pm

If someone responds to your profile and it looks too good to be true, watch out--it probably is. Think about it: what is the probability that 2 strangers should have almost exactly the same interests?

Also, if she claims that you're too good to be true, don't believe it. Responses like that have "scam" written all over them.



Dijtel
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25 Aug 2014, 10:45 am

katiesBoyfriend wrote:
Dijtel wrote:
I think you have to drop the mindset that people should accept you no matter what. Why should they? They don't know you, and all they see is a username and a picture. You must understand that you are one face among many, so it's about marketing that first response. That does not equate to "all men/women have ridiculously high standards". They do not know you, and passing you because you have a bad picture of you is not a judgement of you or of them.
Also, don't over-identify with any diagnosis or disability. When I read profiles like "Hi, I'm Tom and I have Aspergers..." I instantly discard them. I want to know what Tom is like, what's his personality, his hobbies, his work, his dreams. Not a diagnosis. If that is all that is to Tom, then I'm not inclined to explore his profile.

So it's acceptable to judge someone on superficial criteria such as how much money they make or whether they look like a movie star or fashion model?
I'm old enough now that I can safely say that beauty is indeed skin-deep and looks will eventually fade. Character and education are more likely to last and, in the long run, are of more value.

Of course it is acceptable. We have to start somewhere. If people will only click on user profiles with movie star pictures, they will quickly learn that they are more successful by lowering the standard and re-thinking their attitude (or not, and that is their choice). We all make a picture of what we regard as a nice profile. Outgoing, likes travelling, HAS to love dogs, should like maths- whatever it is we always make inferences of what we think is a best fit. And photos are, due to the set-up of the websites, always the first stop. Photos are not beauty contests, they convey lots of messages about who you chose to be. Do you only have pictures of yourself outside kayaking, dressed-up in your office or with a beer in a pub? That conveys a message about you, whether you like it or not. If people take pictures from below with double chin and cheesy light, they are also conveying something. And that something decides whether people visit the profile or not.



katiesBoyfriend
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25 Aug 2014, 12:07 pm

Dijtel wrote:
katiesBoyfriend wrote:

<snip>

So it's acceptable to judge someone on superficial criteria such as how much money they make or whether they look like a movie star or fashion model?
I'm old enough now that I can safely say that beauty is indeed skin-deep and looks will eventually fade. Character and education are more likely to last and, in the long run, are of more value.

Of course it is acceptable. We have to start somewhere. If people will only click on user profiles with movie star pictures, they will quickly learn that they are more successful by lowering the standard and re-thinking their attitude (or not, and that is their choice). We all make a picture of what we regard as a nice profile. Outgoing, likes travelling, HAS to love dogs, should like maths- whatever it is we always make inferences of what we think is a best fit. And photos are, due to the set-up of the websites, always the first stop. Photos are not beauty contests, they convey lots of messages about who you chose to be. Do you only have pictures of yourself outside kayaking, dressed-up in your office or with a beer in a pub? That conveys a message about you, whether you like it or not. If people take pictures from below with double chin and cheesy light, they are also conveying something. And that something decides whether people visit the profile or not.


I've never posted my photo whenever I've been on an ODL site. I want to be evaluated for what I've done and who and what I am. One can be all nice and pretty, but character and accomplishment speak more about someone. If a woman doesn't like it, tough. I can manage without her and it's her loss, not mine.



Yuzu
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25 Aug 2014, 11:35 pm

katiesBoyfriend wrote:
Dijtel wrote:
katiesBoyfriend wrote:

<snip>

So it's acceptable to judge someone on superficial criteria such as how much money they make or whether they look like a movie star or fashion model?
I'm old enough now that I can safely say that beauty is indeed skin-deep and looks will eventually fade. Character and education are more likely to last and, in the long run, are of more value.

Of course it is acceptable. We have to start somewhere. If people will only click on user profiles with movie star pictures, they will quickly learn that they are more successful by lowering the standard and re-thinking their attitude (or not, and that is their choice). We all make a picture of what we regard as a nice profile. Outgoing, likes travelling, HAS to love dogs, should like maths- whatever it is we always make inferences of what we think is a best fit. And photos are, due to the set-up of the websites, always the first stop. Photos are not beauty contests, they convey lots of messages about who you chose to be. Do you only have pictures of yourself outside kayaking, dressed-up in your office or with a beer in a pub? That conveys a message about you, whether you like it or not. If people take pictures from below with double chin and cheesy light, they are also conveying something. And that something decides whether people visit the profile or not.


I've never posted my photo whenever I've been on an ODL site. I want to be evaluated for what I've done and who and what I am. One can be all nice and pretty, but character and accomplishment speak more about someone. If a woman doesn't like it, tough. I can manage without her and it's her loss, not mine.


Did you ever convince anybody to meet you in person without any pics posted?
Not being judged by your appearance is a good concept but it hardly every works.



katiesBoyfriend
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26 Aug 2014, 12:52 am

Yuzu wrote:
katiesBoyfriend wrote:

<snip>

I've never posted my photo whenever I've been on an ODL site. I want to be evaluated for what I've done and who and what I am. One can be all nice and pretty, but character and accomplishment speak more about someone. If a woman doesn't like it, tough. I can manage without her and it's her loss, not mine.


Did you ever convince anybody to meet you in person without any pics posted?
Not being judged by your appearance is a good concept but it hardly every works.

I've rarely used ODL sites. Those that claim they can match me get it all wrong. Those women who did approach me were usually after one thing, and one thing only..... $$$$$$. No money, no honey.

I'm too old for that sort of thing now so I, frankly, don't worry about it any more. I've taken myself out of the game.



Jjancee
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31 Aug 2014, 5:26 pm

Quote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
What not to do? Sometimes their profiles say not what to do. They say do not contact me if;


How old you are and what stage you happen to be in at this particular moment in time matters too.

Quote:
1. You don't direction in life - meaning an impressive job title or plans to get one
I'm still working on this one, sort of, I've made it my goal to think of a goal.


If you are 19 and in college, not having direction in life is no biggie. Nobody (well, 98% of the population) has direction in life at 19 or 21. At 40, not having direction in life is kind of a big deal.

But an "impressive job title or plans to get one"... you're not trying to attract a zillion girls, yes? You are trying to attract the right SORT of girl, one that you'll click with, yes? So be specific.

(I was such a space nerd as a kid and worked for NASA JSC for a few years out of undergrad... a tidbit that repels the vast majority of non-space nerds that make up the population. And that is okay! Because any guy who wasn't into a space nerd girl, well, wouldn't be a good match for ME as a space nerd girl).

Quote:
2. You're less than some arbitrary minimum height they set, e.g. 6 foot - not really an issue for me


Don't lie by more than an inch or two. The second you meet in person is the second the girl will notice that you are are actually 5'3" and that's really not something you wanna lie about.

Quote:
3. You still live with your parents - I've only recently acquired a flat - it occurs to me that they may
take this as a sign of domestic dependance, not necessarily, it could be that you just can't afford rent.


How old are you? If you're 17 and live with your parents it's no biggie, if you're 40 and live with your parents it may well be an issue. However, saying ANYTHING about your living arrangements in a profile is kind a dangerous.