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italstallianion
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18 Aug 2014, 10:32 pm

Honest question. When I think about my Asperger's I think about my depression and anxiety, but I never thought that people could be happy (and proud) of their Asperger's. For example, I have some specific traits that I think are spawned from Asperger's that I'm happy with, however I'm generally distraught over my loneliness.

Are there Aspies out there that are happy with their Asperger's? Or would everyone else be patient #1 for the cure if there was one. I'd hit the button so fast to be NT.


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HamtaroCappy
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19 Aug 2014, 12:18 am

I'm happy with mine, but that's not to say I don't feel really upset about it sometimes.



mr_bigmouth_502
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19 Aug 2014, 12:24 am

I'd be happier about it, if I didn't have sensory problems or difficulties processing things quickly. I seriously wish I could overclock my brain the same way I can overclock a computer.



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19 Aug 2014, 12:36 am

i'm pretty down most of the time.
it sucks sometimes, having lots of problems just reaching out to people and the sensory overload, and seeing all my classmates having fun and me feeling left behind. not to mention...her...
but i'm guessing if i was an NT i'd still be like this.


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Nick774
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19 Aug 2014, 1:44 am

Depression is very common amongst those on the spectrum. A recent study on adults with AS showed that over 35% (!) of AS adults in the study had attempted suicide in the past.

Is it possible to be happy? It's more challenging, I think, for us than it is for others. But there are many unhappy NTs out there as well. I think happiness comes from seeing things clearly and letting things be as they are, while living life in the present moment, and following your deepest values. I do think bad feelings are an inevitable part of being of a being human and trying to eliminate them will only backfire.


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cberg
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19 Aug 2014, 2:40 am

Nick774 wrote:
Depression is very common amongst those on the spectrum. A recent study on adults with AS showed that over 35% (!) of AS adults in the study had attempted suicide in the past.

Is it possible to be happy? It's more challenging, I think, for us than it is for others. But there are many unhappy NTs out there as well. I think happiness comes from seeing things clearly and letting things be as they are, while living life in the present moment, and following your deepest values. I do think bad feelings are an inevitable part of being of a being human and trying to eliminate them will only backfire.


I think addressing my negative feelings in this manner on my own helps me impart on people an unusual sense of calm. Often they have more trouble relaxing than me, though I'd rather face the backfires of optimism & honesty, I care about whole humans as opposed to strictly our frames of mind. Of course it's hard work but it's always best for me to stick around to look after everyone, being happy is just a state of nature.


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yellowtamarin
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19 Aug 2014, 3:46 am

I'm pretty happy with who I am, but less happy with how difficult it is to fit myself into my society.



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19 Aug 2014, 4:52 am

I'm not happy, but I don't think that's necessarily to do with ASD.


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ClumsyNinja
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19 Aug 2014, 6:22 am

I think in general I am happy. I have bad days like anyone where I find it really hard to control my reactions to sensory issues or anger or where communication is virtually impossible, but overall I think being happy is a choice. Everywhere there are people who we perceive as being worse or better off than ourselves but the ones that are "better off" are not necessarily the happiest

I look at it that I have a wonderful son; I have a home; I have a hobby that I enjoy; I have a couple of friends; I am healthy; I have a decent job; I have pets. I focus on the little things that make me happy: coming home after a long day at work and relaxing, curling up on the sofa with my cats and catching up with my son and so on.

If I focused on the bad things, like how stressful my job is and how much it burns me out to have to deal with people and bright lights and loud noises and a thousand and one minor irritations, and how I am in a lot of debt because I'm so rubbish at dealing with my finances or making myself phone people, or how I hardly ever see my friends because I have social anxiety, or how I spend so much time at work that I don't see enough of my son, or how I can't really get close to people so I'm not really able to have a relationship, or how my eating habits are so restrictive and peculiar that I can't eat out or with anyone except my son then yeah, I'd probably be quite down, and I do have odd days like that but I just give myself a shake and get on with the good stuff and sooner or later I'm feeling happy again.

When you have the bad days it can be hard to make anything go your way and it seems like everything is wrong and you have no control over anything and nothing will ever work ever again and I just want to lash out in blind anger or collapse into a self-pitying heap, but I'm nothing if not a fighter and I refuse to allow myself to be defined or conquered by a condition/ label or by an adverse situation. It can be hard to shake those negative feelings off but you just have to take a deep breath and kind of mentally push all of the bad stuff to one side and give yourself a mental slap "get up, move on!" and focus on the good things in your life, and even in the bleakest of situations there are always some good points, however small, so you just build on those

Sorry, tooooooooo much text! Generally happy :)



SocietyMadeMeDoIt
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19 Aug 2014, 7:30 am

I don't know if this will help your point of view, but let me say this..
At some point of my life I wanted to kill myself because of all the illness driving me mad, wasn't happy at all, and believing that happiness was a thing for me was really hard by that time. Someday I just had this epiphany which I saw that I was looking all wrong..
I don't know what happiness means to you, but for me, I was looking for it in the external world, when in end I just had to look inside myself, start to accept myself and once that started to happen, a little bit of inner piece came by, not happiness but was enough for me to start building my path for it. I don't think I'm happy, since I live in a world that hits me with something bad every time and I still don't have the strength to deal with it fully, but I'm far better than I was years ago.
I think accepting yourself, knowing that this is you, and this is what makes you is a great start. I don't give a s**t anymore for anyone who tries to step me down. I got problems, but those make unique in my own way and I'm learning everyday to embrace this and go along with it. Nowadays I love my illness and even sometimes knowing that being """"""""normal""""""""" (I don't know if this is the right world, but I'm cheap on words today) would be easier, I still wouldn't take it out... Hell, I even have my own inside ill jokes which makes the day funnier.. So maybe, maybe try it go along with it..

Hope this give some insight


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mr_bigmouth_502
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19 Aug 2014, 7:42 am

In general, I'd say I'm not happy with my life. I don't really know where to start with it, but I feel like I simply can't function in my current situation, not only with my mental health issues, but also with all of the things in my life that have simply gotten screwed up. Now, the things that have been screwed up in my life are small potatoes compared to the issues other people face, but with the way I function, they can be just as bad.

If things would have gone "normally" for me, my parents would have never divorced, I would have learned how to drive, I would have finished high school, I would have more job experience, I would have a social life, I would have more "life" experience, hell I might have even finished college by now.

The problem is, I don't deal well with change, and my parents' divorce, along with all the things that happened along the way, like my abrupt transition to adolescence, kind of threw me for a loop. I don't do well with transitions, and by the time I'm finished dealing with one transition, almost immediately afterwards I'm dealing with some other transition. My latest struggle has been my transition into adulthood, which has seen me regress a lot in terms of my social skills and other adaptation mechanisms.

Anyway, the biggest things that cause problems for me in my life are my inability to handle change, my anxiety/obsessive tendencies, my slow processing, and to a smaller extent my sensory issues. I have a lot of problems with depression too, though truth be told I think this is more of a side effect of the other things I mentioned above. I wouldn't be so depressed all the time if I weren't so prone to anxiety and obsession, and if I were able to deal with things as soon as I came to them, rather than long afterwards. I often wish I could let go and quit giving a s**t, but everyone needs to care to a certain extent, otherwise we'd be a planet full of selfish criminals. Some say we already are, but there are good people out there, as few as there are, and I want to be one of those people.

I often envy how my peers can just sort of go with things without thinking about it too much. Life moves on, as do they, but I hang onto things kicking and screaming. My peers seem to be able to accomplish more this way; at this point a lot of my friends have their own vehicles, have decent careers laid out for them, and even have girlfriends. Meanwhile, I'm still struggling to accomplish things that most people did in their mid teens.

I tried to grow up too fast when I was a kid, then when I entered adolescence I spent so much time trying to get back my childhood that it consumed my teen years and interfered with the things I needed to do to become an independent adult. My childhood was too short, and I missed out on doing a lot of "teen" things as well. NTs often tell me that they feel the same way, well they may be partially right, but at least they can deal with change and go with the flow better than I can. Not to mention, most of the NTs I know actually did the "right" things at the right parts of their lives instead of desperately hanging onto the past.

I wish I weren't considered "high functioning". I may be intelligent in a few select areas, but overall I feel I may as well have an intellectual disability. If I appeared lower-functioning, people would take my problems more seriously. Or they might not, I'd have to have some physical problems too to make it really work. I have mental problems that manifest physically, in that I feel tired and weak all the time, but it's not like I'm missing a leg or have violent seizures.

That being said, my sensory problems are bad enough that I long suspected I had asthma, or at least really bad allergies, and a lot of people have told me that the way I cough and gag and have sore throats and produce phlegm and have trouble breathing sometimes makes them suspect I'm asthmatic. I wouldn't have those problems if my nose and mouth and throat and sense of smell weren't so damn sensitive. That could be considered a physical problem, but when I was tested for asthma, twice I should add, both times came up negative. I was also once tested for allergies a few years ago, and that test came up with nothing. I know from early childhood that I'm allergic to penicillin, and that I may have had an apple allergy at one time, but neither of those things really factor in my breathing problems.

What can I say? I'm kinda cranky right now because I've been up all night and I'm waiting to be able to call the local mental health clinic to see what time my appointment is. This is going to be the first appointment I've had in months, and I need it.



Satyr696
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19 Aug 2014, 7:55 am

Not an aspie myself, but being AS... not sure how I feel about it. I like feeling a bit different, a bit special and I feel it makes me interesting, but it's also very difficult to make friends. I also struggle with understanding things that are vital to many people, such as the concept of marriage or what "dating" actually means.
Never been in a relationship. I'm 23. This worries my family (and myself) a lot. I'm pretty lonely, which is why I'm here. I also recently got back into penpalling.
I often worry about what will happen to me. I dread picking up the phone and I have no clue how to start a casual conversation. At social gatherings I often sneak out early or come up with an excuse to leave or I just sit in the corner talking to someone who notices I'm feeling bad, which causes me to feel even worse about making that person worried about me at a time she should be happy and out celebrating whatever there is to celebrate. I'm not sure what I'm even doing at parties, lol. Then again, I'd feel bad for not going either. Also, the hugs, handshakes and the kisses (pretty normal to kiss each other on the cheeks 3 times where I live) make me feel very nervous and uncomfortable as I don't like to be touched all that much.
The good thing about my autism thingy: art. I looove painting or writing poetry.



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19 Aug 2014, 8:07 am

Sometimes, I feel Wolfie; other times, I feel Sheepish.



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19 Aug 2014, 2:52 pm

italstallianion wrote:
Honest question. When I think about my Asperger's I think about my depression and anxiety, but I never thought that people could be happy (and proud) of their Asperger's. For example, I have some specific traits that I think are spawned from Asperger's that I'm happy with, however I'm generally distraught over my loneliness.

Are there Aspies out there that are happy with their Asperger's? Or would everyone else be patient #1 for the cure if there was one. I'd hit the button so fast to be NT.


For me:
- I don't think about "my Asperger's". I just think about me.
- I don't think about "my depression". When I am depressed (or, for me, am sad), I just think about the things that make me sad.
- I don't think about "my anxiety". When I am anxious (or, more specifically, worry), I just think about the things that worry me.
- I am not proud of ?my Asperger?s?.
- At this stage in my life, I would not seek a cure. Maybe if I were a lot younger.



salvey
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19 Aug 2014, 4:02 pm

Happiness... It is a right of all Americans, but is this really a measure of your LIVING? Is it something to pursue and - if it is - HOW do you pursue it. Or have you (we) simply been duped into this by some marketing campaign by those nasty, self-centered NT's...

I appear to be an 'old' Aspie here (61 years so far). I survived a 'nightmare' childhood of being from another planet, trying to fit in, and relying on my intelligence and 'insane' curiosity and focus to get me by in a world populated by aliens. While daily living with too many 'normal' people has always been a challenge for me, upon reflection now I would never exchange my Aspiness for a more normal life. Here's why:

First, I am certain that my lack of diagnosis until 61 has played a vital role. While I had to deal with isolation and severe depression that all Aspies do, largely from necessity I chose to use my Aspie focus and capacity to concentrate on matters of interest to me and my world of work and my community, as ways to pursue things at a depth and with a single-minded passion that few would. I looked INSIDE myself for those things that I could uniquely bring to my world - no one could tell me what to do or supervise me. Then I looked OUTSIDE of myself for the emotion, the energy, the resources required to move through my challenges and get that accomplished, whatever it was. For example, in my teens, my friends were being 'programmed' to play team sports and fit into our survival-of-the-fittest, ecologically destructive, consumer world. I used my Aspie gifts and mustered my courage to be skeptical, to ask 'why?', to question everything and, combined with a curiosity for 'how things work' at a very early age I chose to relentlessly pursue the TRUTH - the TRUTH of what it is to be alive, to find within oneself one's highest expression, your "A" Game.

My Aspiness gave me the capacities to become a lifelong student of comparative religion and philosophy, seeking an understanding of what has been true throughout the millennia; across religions and philosophies, ancient 'knowing' and wisdom. I discovered that the TRUTH is there, in thousands of years of living; there are those that have gone before us and can show the way (kind of obvious once I got it...). And while I was from 'another' planet, I was not from the 'lonely' planet. I was 'special' in my introversion and outside-of-the-box perspectives on things, but not so special that there were not many that have gone before me and many struggling soul mates living now. So without really knowing how to go about it, I EXPRESSed my Aspiness and by doing that, attracted others that resonate to that tone. As I learn the TRUTH and practice the Art of Living, I've been able to contribute stability and creativity to my own life, my family and community through my 'nutcase' perspective on life, and the example that I provide to others, my employees, the young people in my life, now including my grandchildren.

I am a slow reader but I read quite a lot. All of my best authors have GOT TO BE ASPIES! The 'soul mates' that I have met and engaged through my varied interests over my years of living and travel are likely (undiagnosed?) Aspies! At this point, I cannot imagine a life without these gifts; what else is there? Aspies are EVERYWHERE there is anything creative occurring.

After 61 years on this planet, I am blessed. I am grateful for my Aspieness. Since Aspies are so internally focused by our nature, I believe that we all may be this way so that we have to focus and passion to discover - each in our own way - our own TRUTH. And it is expressing that TRUTH that will set each of us free. I'm not particularly 'happy' when I express myself authentically. I experience a sense of calm, of internal warmth, a sense of fitting in, at last. I describe it as the fire of LOVE.

Honour and use your gifts, pursue with passion that which is revealed to your 'special' mind and capacities, create and bring these things which only you can, into form, and benefit your world. I know that you come from another planet, but you are now HERE for that reason.



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19 Aug 2014, 4:54 pm

I don't necessarily link the two together. Before I started identifying as someone with ASD, I already lived with depression. I can't pin-point when it started, but at the time there really wasn't any reason for me to be unhappy. I can only wonder if it got worse because my social difficulties made me more isolated, or if I was going on a downward spiral anyway.