My current crisis

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Update... Procrastinating has led to a mayor catastrophe. I also realized, despite being very intense for me, that what I fell for my coworker was a temporary thing... moving on:

The therapist refused to treat us any further and referred her to a psychiatrist, who she managed to convince that our problems were simply normal couple issues. After a few months I realized that she lied about a lot of the stuff she did; manipulating the therapist, the psychiatrist and me. In simple terms therapy was a utter failure.

I was hoping to fix things while my wife lied to everyone and kept doing the same crap: Cheating a making my life miserable, risked my job several times and almost got me in jail. Reported me for domestic violence and forced me to leave the house. This kind of accusation can seriously f**k up your life in my country. I had a rough time clearing things up with the prosecutor. She has been trying to evade the case and is making up ridiculous excuse to avoid meeting with the prosecutor. Did I mention this was serious stuff in my country? Well, she could get arrested if she misses the next citation.

I firmly believe she has BPD, her behavior is extremely consistent with the symptoms. The only missing one is self harming. But she is quite narcissistic, I doubt it can happen, at least nothing visible.

Opinions?

Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

The only possible thing I can think of is to put her off you as a person. Start not looking after yourself and just appear insecure and really unattractive. Like not washing, become boring and don't react to the slightest (or biggest) thing. Become repetitive. Become neutral. Take up an extremely boring interest and speak in a monotonous voice. Become a robot.

Having said that, an anger management specialist once suggested to me that someone else was releasing their anger through me i.e. they wound me up until I exploded - that was their anger released. The person in question was my sister (who is also madly jealous and thinks I want her boyfriend). Whenever I acted robotic and didn't react at all, my sister would end up exploding instead, for instance.

..Which is why I think acting like a robot could potentially be bad also. But if your wife's anger flicked back onto herself like a boomerang (like described above) then she might go too crazy to want to be around you.

I think you're the one with the better knowledge here, so take my advice as you see fit. It may help you to think of a different strategy. Remember that humans mirror each other. Body language and behaviour. It is like playing a melody in sync. Aspies tend to clash and have a different tune of their own. Your best bet might be to slowly manipulate the tune, or to dry up the music altogether by acting robotic and tuneless. I hope that description doesn't sound too wacky.

Reading this reminded me of my Borderline ex. She accused me of cheating all the time to the point I thought I was unintentionally being too polite to Waitresses. She used to search my computer using Google to ask "is my boyfriend cheating on me" while she was texting her ex personal details about us.

Even after I knew beyond any doubt she has BPD (she never actually showed me her diagnosis but the excerpts I saw from her report listed DSM criteria for it) I foolishly tried to be the Knight. BIG MISTAKE!! ! I paid for couples counselling and she quit once he zoned in on her outrageous behaviours onlyto blame me later.

A actually had a coworker that wasnt that fond of me actually offer with a straight face to bail me out of jail if she got me arrested just minutes after meeting her. Two weeks later a neighbour called the cops on me after another of her tantrums after I went to a party that had women without her. She tried every trick in the book to keep me in the relationship until I realized my choices were leave, suicide or murder. Instead of apologizing for almost getting me arrested (a local cop told me on 85% of those calls someone is usually arrested: doubt it would be the short, sweet, innocent girl.

She still to this day continues to be a miserable failure and her whole family hates me more than you can imagine. I later moved away because of all the bad memories at my place and ended up in the ER months later after another of her hoovering attempts. Her former boss (she made less than 5000 a year) even told me she was shocked she hasnt keyed my car yet. I replied "of course thats who did it!" I know its hard especially with a child but if you dont stand up she will repeat your mistakes.

I strongly recommend that you extract yourself from this situation. I don't know where you live, but research the divorce laws in your area thoroughly. I know that here in the corrupt state of Illinois, the only form of divorce is no fault. Period. It might be that way where you live. Another thing, lawyers are not your friends. They work for themselves first and foremost. The more they push you to seek in a divorce proceeding, the more they will get paid. Whatever happens, do your utmost to prevent your child from becoming a pawn, even if it means making compromises. The best way to dissolve a marriage is through mutual agreement and parting on amicable terms, mediated by a qualified objective third party (not a retained attorney) provided that is possible. That is what is best for the child, whose best interests should be the focus of both of you. Again, lawyers tend to make things worse than they need to be, and quite frankly, I'd rather see my money squandered than in the pocket of a sleaze attorney. Anyway, both of you have a right to be happy, and to pursue happiness, and a broken, unhappy, and possibly abusive marriage is a barrier to that. "till death do you part" should not have to mean 'miserable unto death'.

Update:

BPD is 99% confirmed. A formal diagnosis is impossible since she refuses help, but mental health professionals had suggest PD and one of them went straight to BPD. Can't post too many details, but PD's runs in her family, I learned the hard way that her family is a f***ing madhouse.

I haven't focused on my problems. All these years ignoring my issues... now I am at a point where all that came back to bite me without mercy. It has been the shittiest years of my life.

Her behavior has gotten worse: lies, debts, stealing, cheating, depression, suicidal thoughts, drinking... the whole BPD array of symptoms. And my daughter on the middle of everything.

Now is up to the system to decide who keeps the kid. Despite everything above, the system is biased and favors women.

Thanks for all those who answered an gave me some advice...