Lets face it nobody wants to date an aspie

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Yes, he had AS. I do as well, you know?

It's not as if I don't understand what's it's like to be different. I've been called a ret*d by my own family, dear- I've got a lot of reason to be a Debbie downer as well. But I don't let the BS that others say to me define who I am as an individual.

It's laughable to me that you believe that woman get off easy by "being good-looking". The social dynamic of woman-woman interactions aren't exactly positive and reaffirming. The worst interactions I've had with people has been with other women (my brother an exception).

It's not easy being AS regardless of the plumbing you were given. You may envy my position, and I'd be a liar if I said that I don't envy some NT men and some AS men. At least AS men are easier to get along with and easier to find. I have very few lady friends, and the guys I'd like to be with see me as more of their kid sister than a potential girlfriend.

I'm sorry, but yes, yes they can.

I don't mean to belittle your problems and hardships, which I'm sure are very much real. But the truth is however bad you think you have it, AS males have it much, much worse. Case and point, you're a 20-year-old AS female and you've had two relationships. I'm a 22-year-old AS male and I've had none, and I'd wager most other AS males here don't have it much better than I.

Individual circumstance =/= the entire gender.

I've been lucky that I've been in two relationships, that's true. However, there's a lot of AS women out there with similar issues as you do. Using my particular story as a "well there you go, you've had a relationship!" case to be interpreted as that, overwhelmingly, AS women have it better is silly.

I feel like my "success" has a lot to do with the fact that I don't allow the BS to define me nor do I throw myself into a pit of despair. It does suck sometimes, I know that. And sometimes I do feel sad about it; I'm single now. But it's better to do what you can than it is to be sad about it and do nothing. Doing the latter makes one appear powerless, which is a terrible position to be in regardless of gender.

In this particular case, it is.

Don't take just my example then. Why don't you look around the forum a little bit? See how many people have posted threads complaining about their inability to find a partner, then see how many of them are women and how many of them are men.

You're right that being AS is no fun at all, regardless of gender. But that does not mean it effects both genders equally. Like pretty much everything else nowadays, men get the short(er?) end of the deal.

And again, I'm sorry, but you're wrong when you say there "a lot of women out there" with the same issues as I. A woman with high-functioning autism can find a man without too much effort, so long as (again) she is moderately attractive. Case and point, you.

How much of that do you think is truly because of the syndrome, though? A part of what could be sinking everyone's ships is this defeatist cloud hovering in everyone's psyche. Simply because we are not the norm does not mean we are incapable of having a relationship with others.

Another thing to consider is sheer numbers- there are far more AS men out there than AS women (that are diagnosed, anyway). There's a 4 to 1 ratio for the HFA group (it's closer to 1:1 for the other PDDs like PDD-NOS, Rett's and other PDDs), of course there would be more men commenting on the L&D forum. There's also more men on just about every other part of the forum as well.

I also disagree that "like everything else these days, men get the short{er} end of the stick". In Western culture, it's pretty evenly split. You don't have to go through the slut-shaming and the body-policing women do (at least not to the extent that women have been subjected to it), but you all also have your own troubles. I acknowledge that.

So, tl;dr- I don't believe that the disparity of men vs. women lamenting about romantic troubles is based on difficulty for one group, but the prevalence of the condition between the genders. Also, in Western culture, men and women have their own unique but fairly equal issues at hand. In other parts of the world, this is a very different balance.

Let's think about reasons why a person might not want to date another person. Or in the case of this thread since everyone wants some validation, why some wouldn't want to date an aspie.

1. Perhaps they are shallow and want the perfect partner. They will grow miserable in finding that perfect partner anyway, so these people have done you a huge favour.
2. You have been bullied because you are too nice and show a lack of confidence. Of course, no woman will ever think "he must be an Aspie because he doesn't stand up for himself." They will more likely be thinking "if he can't stand up for himself, he will never stand up for me."
3. You are too negative and complain too much. This may show that you would rather be a victim of your own self-pity.
4. Worry too much about the past, present or future.
5. Someone in the relationship put too much focus on the Aspergers or disabilty. As a result, less respect was given to the personality of the person that was diagnosed. A diagnosis is not the same as a personality and that needs to be understood.
6. Someone demonstrates poor communication or understanding. Please note: I refer to social skills and communication as two different things. i know what social skills I have and have noticed I am stronger at communicating with people, but weak in finding the right words in certain moments.
7. Making it clear that people of the opposite sex have it easier than you.

I feel like you're just being difficult at this point. This isn't about how many people the syndrome affects, it's about the impact it has on them. If you had actually bothered to do as I said and looked around the forum, you'd see that actually all the authors who started threads complaining about their inability to find a mate are male. And if you wanted to go the extra mile and taken the time to read some of the writings by some of the female members of this forum, you'd see, that like you, all or almost all of them either are or have been in a relationship before (probably more than one).

You say you're fortunate for an AS girl, having had two relationships by age 20. Let me tell you, you're not. That seems to be pretty close to the norm for most AS girls I've seen (in fact, it's close to the norm for most normal girls I know).

I'm sorry, but to say that AS has the same impact on the lives of women as it does on men is, quite simply, foolish.

A lot of it is the result of a combination of number 1 and number 2.

I've been here since January, this is not my first L&D thread. (It was a numbers game when you originally asked the question as well, insinuating that the number of men vs. women who started threads was an accurate litmus test, which would have been a lot easier to argue should the ratio of men to women be more even than it is now. But that's semantics.)

Also, there's no need to be snippy- if you sauntered over to the Women's Discussion and read a few posts over there, you'd see that women are not having an easy time finding men either. Relationships are hard to come by regardless of circumstance.

I'm sorry that you haven't found someone yet, but I really do question if this is more of the syndrome or the psyche. I don't mean that abrasively- I'm not suggesting that you need "to put on the big boy pants and deal with it". Humor me, and consider this- how much of this is your own insecurity absorbing you, and alienating you to the point that you can't communicate with women that you would be interested in? How much of this is you getting in the way of you?

AS is definitely not all roses, and it manifests in very similar ways for men and women. At least when men have the condition, you all can find your niche and chill with some guy friends who think like you. "Competition for mates", for lack of a better description, is not limited to men. Have you seen women fight? It's some scary s**t.

You may think I'm being contrary, or foolish, or some other adjective of your choosing. I'm simply saying that the suggestion that "women have a cakewalk" is ignorant at best and at worst, directly offensive to those you've never met before.

You also say this like a relationship is the only goal to life. Women are at a disadvantage when it comes to jobs in male-dominated fields (which in my limited experience, tends to be where a lot of AS girls' foci are), with their relations with other women and also with some men (romantic or otherwise). Even if you're right, and women have it "easier" with romantic relationships, that doesn't mean that women have an easier life overall. Be thankful for what you have.

The situation could also heavily depend on country. While in America or Germany it's more or less common (at least not so uncommon) for girl to start meeting with some guy, to invite him for first date but at the same time even in Europe there are more traditionalist countries where 99% of girls would find it rather unacceptable and would wait for guy to do first (dozens of) steps. And these girls there who are so "reckless" to start dating first - they are also often enough reckless to take drugs and have sex with strangers in night clubs.
And yes, I can say than for example in Russia vast majority of girls 18-30 want her boyfriend to be rich or alpha. Often - she dates alpha till she's 25 and then she starts to search rich one to be her husband year by year decreasing requirements (cause there are not so many rich men) willing to get married before 30. Hope in other countries the situation is better.

So in a way America is not much different from Russia or Germany when it comes to expectations!

You tried to date with girls of all these countries multiple times? I did - in fact as for me in Western countries there are less troubles, girls more tend to look who you are as person rather then are you macho or richman. Of course not every girl - but anyway it's notable.

IM probably best off with an Asian woman!

Why?

BTW, Middle Eastern culture is also nice for dating, cause there man is always right It's interesting to know if guys from Iran or Saudi Arabia have such problems as we have.

8. You are physically unattractive to that person, come off as poor, short or smelly.
9. They accidently mistake your lack of social skills with arrogance and attention-seeking.

I would say I am slighly above average good looking and I've never been asked out on a date IRL. I've also never had a relationship. I don't get approached by guys.