Self defense is rape culture?

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Holy hell. You are now comparing me to Zimmerman who clearly killed an innocent kid yet are not judgmental? The guy said it and begun walking away. It was a hit and run. He violated my space and dignity and I took it back just as I would've done if he had stolen something off me.

Thankyou.

I am not sure how many times I have to say I acted on instinct.

I shouldn't have to feel ashamed of acting on it.. especially given that the guy said sorry and was made accountable for his behaviour. If I had not have done that then I would've felt crap for not defending myself and he would've have retained that power and dignity he tried to take.

You could see it that way, or you could see it as him trying to look out for you, as you did escalate a situation in a way that has very little potential upside and very high potential downside, regardless of the right and wrong of it.

I saw it that way as at the time I was acting on instinct to defend myself from a perceived threat. I did not escalate the situation as he'd already created a situation where he had verbally attacked someone when he had no idea how they would react.

A guy said something rude to you and went on his way, the "situation" was over at that point, and there was nothing to defend yourself from; choosing to pursue the person and confront him made you the aggressor at that point, and just like he didn't know how you'd react to his overture, you had no way of knowing how he'd react to your confronting of him, thus needlessly putting yourself in danger. It's equivalent to chasing someone down who cut you off in traffic in order to yell at them about their rude/dangerous driving, a situation which has in fact lead to violence and death on a number of occasions. Even in a case of an actual physical assault, a guy walks up, punches you in the face, then walks away, it's not considered defense at that point if you pursue and attack that person, as you were not in further danger after they walked away.

You might not appreciate the Monday morning quarterbacking from people you don't know, but no one here is being malicious or calling you stupid or anything, we're just trying to point out that what you did is in fact dangerous, and though you were lucky it didn't escalate into something more serious, that's a very real possibility that could have been completely avoided by walking away.

No one is taking the side of this guy, what is being said is that choosing to pursue and confront him was a potentially dangerous thing to do, for very little payoff, that probably wasn't the best choice, regardless of the morality of the situation. Sly is giving practical advice, along the lines of 'if you're unarmed and being robbed by an armed person, handing over your wallet is usually the best option*', which is not endorsing armed robbery, but giving someone practical advice on how to survive it should it happen to them. This is what so many of these "teach men not to rape" arguments boil down to, practical people giving concrete advice arguing with academic types who want to frame any affirmative steps someone could take to prevent being victimized as "victim blaming", as if being careful and changing culture are mutually exclusive things.



*(Incidentally, armed resistance has the highest survival rate, followed by compliance, then unarmed resistance, when it comes to armed robbery)

FFS.


I did not CHOOSE the way I reacted. It happened very quickly and I acted on instinct.
How many times do I have to repeat myself? Re-read that.

I acted on instinct.

Now re-read that. ^

This stuff isn't limited to women, either; as a gun toting martial arts practitioner, there are still places I don't go at night, things I avoid doing (flashing cash, behaving aggressively, etc), and other limitations I place on myself, as even though I'm more capable than most of defending myself, I'd much rather avoid the hassle, and in my case, it would be easy for an attorney or a prosecutor to portray me as having "gone looking for trouble" if I didn't. Also, as Sly mentioned, when you have a carry permit, you're held to a higher standard by the legal establishment, and are expected to know the law and try to avoid conflict as much as possible. I don't get angry that I can't walk through a poor neighborhood wearing expensive clothing while juggling iphones and trying to keep the $100 bills from falling out of my pockets and claim it's not my fault if I get robbed, it's the robbers who need to learn not to rob people, I just avoid behaviors that are more likely to lead to robbery.

So, you're arguing that "instinct" somehow overrides choice? That might fly for a momentary reaction, like someone startled you and you inadvertently smacked them because your threat detector suddenly went off, but following a person and shouting at them well after the initial comment was made is a bit of a stretch. Regardless, it doesn't matter, no one here is saying anything about your thought process, only that your actions needlessly endangered yourself.

That's about the best advice someone can give; be alert, look alert, and don't look vulnerable. IMHO it's better advice than just casually telling someone to carry a weapon. The weapon is a good thing to have to fall back on but the alertness and non-vulnerable appearance and demeanor will very often or most often prevent the situation from arising where you'll need the weapon.

Actually as I said before I had a strong voice that was short of shouting. I was resonant.

..and perhaps the whole reason why he was walking off was because I said something in response. It was not "well after" he had said it. I followed him immediately until he apologized. As for me endangering myself? I can take care of myself. I don't buy into this "oh you might make him angry.." BS as he already was aggressive and then he put his tail between his legs. I have no doubt he targeted me based on an assumption that I would not defend myself.

So I am guessing when I was dancing in a night club and elbowed a guy in the ribs when he had his hard-on forced against my hip bone and had be braced was an over reaction too? At what point would it be appropriate to get pissed off? Why is the onus on me not to get angry in response? THIS is what rape culture is. Putting the responsibility on women for the way men behave. Putting the responsibility on women to change their own behaviour in order to prevent bad behaviour from men who they have no control over. Worse still putting the responsibility on women for reacting the "wrong way" when verbally or physically abused.

I'm not sorry and I don't regret what I did. I think he probably does though.. not long after I saw him at a shopping center having dinner with his teenage son and we were eating ours. I pretended not to notice him (as I was concerned it was done and dusted) but he saw me, they finished their meal and they left and he kept his head down. Unspoken compromise of live and let live.

My advice would be to do some research into the term yourself rather than relying on Dox's definition of it, which totally wasn't biased at all.

Good on you, I say. Sometimes people need to be told...

I dunno I still think putting a gun up to his head and making death threats if he ever does that again would work better! A permanent solution nobody would want to make such comments if it meant a bullet to their head let alone attempt to violate someone!

I've given up on talking to her, shes in defensive mode it seems. she also changes her story a bit each post

oringal post I went off of minus the last part



first she says he walked off before she acted now she says the reason he walked off was perhaps cause she acted.
first she says she yelled, later its "peaking in a very loud voice short of shouting" and now its "had a strong voice that was short of shouting"
I get told I'm making stuff up when I was only going off her first post. now it seems I support the guy, rape culture and am judging/lecturing her. every post I make just makes it worse, short of lying and saying I wrong and totally agree with her actions I don't see what to do. I won't lye and I don't agree with it.

I would say the same thing if she was a man in the same situation. has nothing to do with gender or rape culture. why don't we call stuff mug culture, theft culture, house break in culture, GTA culture. why aren't other crimes which are treated the same called cultures but when it comes to rape its a culture thing that all men are responsible for. o.O cause for some reason protection ideas for other crimes is good but when mentioned for sexual assault or men saying/doing stuff towards women its victim blaming and supporting rape culture. I don't understand this.

if you want assault with a deadly weapon charges sure go ahead. its not ok to threaten people with deadly force.