Men asking before kissing on First Date (again this topic)

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We need double blind studies. Randomised trials!! A sample size of one isnt enough!

Honestly, if I liked a guy I would not give a s**t as to whether he askes me for permission or not. And I think that goes for most women.

Yes... but if you didnt like the guy that would be a problem and as aspies we're not great at being able to tell whether we're getting signals or not. In my case a girl has to be extremely flirtatious for me to feel confident enough to take a chance.

How most of your female friends think?

I don't really care if it's fair or not, I'm just amazed at how different I am yet from the majority of people. But I should know it's nothing new.

I don't get it either. If someone is really into someone else I don't see how them asking permission to kiss the other would magically make all of those feelings dry up, but something tells me the rejected person is probably better off. It just seems fickle and a bit shallow, in my opinion.

I've been asked if I could be kissed and it didn't ruin the/my mood or anything. Perhaps it's also due to the fact that I'm understanding about how I must come across to others, especially if I like them: hard to read. Not having been asked has happened as well and how I responded to that differed per situation and whether I liked the guy. *Not* asking won't ruin it either if I'm into him.

I do prefer however that a guy asks if we hardly met/know each other. Hard to explain in English... but it then feels like he respects my boundaries and doesn't take the risk of going too far when I don't like that. (and as I said, I'm probably hard to read)

You should say that with me:

Womeeeen...

Seriously, I don't think men would feel turned off if women ask them if they can kiss them on some date - men, in general, are either attracted to a woman or not, 1 or 0, and small silly things here and there wouldn't turn them off ; it's always women whom you hear them saying things like "oh this <silly thing> turns me off - I don't know why". And by silly things I mean things like.... him not being chivalrous enough, or not having perfect straight teeth or him having an habit of scratching his nose or having a weird laugh, or him asking for a kiss or him waiting too long to ask her out....etc.

^ I don't know about that. I have a feeling that a lot of men probably find it too desperate or forward if a woman asked him. And don't forget that a lot of men on here also have said that asking is the mood killer.

That´s why I think it´s better to ask.

I get that non-verbal cues can be hard for autistic people to read, but . . . the whole deal with physical intimacy is that you have a physical sympatico. If it is so absent that you have to question your partner as to whether a kiss is appropriate, you might as well just go home. The romance is that you don't have to ask.

So if "physical sympatico" is something that doesn't come naturally for someone (which I would guess is pretty common amongst autistics) , they should just give up on having intimate relationships and "go home" as you put it? That's not very helpful advice.

My advice would be to ignore androbot01's "advice"...

But that's the thing about physical sympatico; it does come naturally. I think in my whole life I've met four people who affected me this way. It shouldn't be taken for granted . . . some people never find someone to share physical intimacy with, which is too bad. My advice would actually be the opposite of what you suggest . . . I say get out there and meet people. The more people you meet, the more chance one of them will be somebody you connect with.

I want to make it clear that this is about kissing for the first time, not when you're in a relationship already.

And if you really have "physical sympatico", (not sure what it is myself, but) asking should not ruin the mood at all either, should it?

For me it is the feeling of being drawn to someone. Of just wanting to be near him. I've asked if I could hug a guy (he said yes). But I don't think there is a difinitive answer to this question. I do however feel that to vilify a non asking kisser is inappropriate.

I can safely say that it is mostly the asking ones that are being vilified in society.

And I wasn't even bashing the ones who don't. I was pointing out how I am in the minority in this matter.