How do you cope with constant rejections

Page 1 of 4 [ 58 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4  Next

jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

26 Sep 2014, 7:08 pm

I don't know. Just keep trying I guess. But what if it never stops... should I kill myself?

You'll probably say this is just a trolling post but I can spend an hour writing a detailed and heartfelt reply to someone and no one will give a s**t about that as a rule of thumb. Dont know why I bother. Everything in life is just a constant stream of being made to feel like less than s**t. Whatever I contribute is inadequate some c**t will always find a way to tear me down. Whatever I like is always the wrong thing to like. no one shares my interests or even cares what they are. If I do tell them they waste no time in letting me know what a s**t choice I made to like that and not their favourite thing. I hate people. Are they all c***s?



Meistersinger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,700
Location: Beautiful(?) West Manchester Township PA

26 Sep 2014, 7:22 pm

Yes, they are all c****. The only thing I would tell you is f***'em if they can't take a joke.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

26 Sep 2014, 7:22 pm

Hey Jerry,

Frequently, I feel the same way you're feeling.

My solution is to just pursue surviving. And pursue your Special Interest.

I don't, and don't expect to, derive joy from many people.

Once you are able to give off the air that "I am not a person who should be rejected, despite your intentions," I believe people will come around.

For Social Darwinist and other reasons, people tend not to like people who pity themselves.



Stargazer43
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Nov 2011
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,604

26 Sep 2014, 7:51 pm

This is something I struggle with also. After 5, 10, or even 15 rejections I just chalked it up to incompatibility and honestly didn't care that much. But now after 25+, each one is just that much more painful than the last and makes me feel seriously depressed for 1-3 days after. My best advice to you is to improve your life in other ways - employment, hobbies, interest, physical shape...whatever makes you happy and gives you enjoyment in life. Then, despite rejection, the rest of your life will still be in pretty good shape and it won't be quite as bad.



Meistersinger
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,700
Location: Beautiful(?) West Manchester Township PA

26 Sep 2014, 7:53 pm

Yes, they are all c****. The only thing I would tell you is f***'em if they can't take a joke.



cberg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 12,183
Location: A swiftly tilting planet

26 Sep 2014, 7:58 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Hey Jerry,

Frequently, I feel the same way you're feeling.

My solution is to just pursue surviving. And pursue your Special Interest.

I don't, and don't expect to, derive joy from many people.

Once you are able to give off the air that "I am not a person who should be rejected, despite your intentions," I believe people will come around.

For Social Darwinist and other reasons, people tend not to like people who pity themselves.


Pretty much. I just refuse to reject those who do the rejecting and let them figure out among my other friends that I'm not willing to judge anyone the way they might judge me. Being kind always distinguishes oneself eventually.


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


androbot01
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 53
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada

26 Sep 2014, 8:57 pm

jerry00 wrote:
I hate people. Are they all c****?


I would say both yes and no. People are very selfish and egotistic. I find if you play into this it can work in your favour. But looking for validation for yourself from others is a dead end.



andrethemoogle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,254
Location: Sol System

26 Sep 2014, 10:27 pm

I give up, that's what I do.

Tried too many times. I guess neurotypicals just don't want a nice, honest man that happens to have Asperger's.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,609
Location: the island of defective toy santas

26 Sep 2014, 11:43 pm

to the OP: learn to love the reflection in the mirror before anything else.



Klowglas
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 545
Location: New England

27 Sep 2014, 12:33 am

Welcome to the hole many of us aspies are in.... Humans were not meant to be dealt constant rejections, which reinforces that sense of worthlessness, it's a consequence of our incredibly sad and shallow society. Whether it's romantic or professional, a constant streak WILL chip away at your self-esteem and sink you into a dark abyss like no other.

People would sometimes tell you to work on your self: focus on your appearance, climb the social ladder, etc. But all of that makes me even more depressed because love should not need a bribe, which sort of defeats the point of any real affection... thus shooting my motor and making me sink into an even deeper hole.

What i've done: distractions, lots and lots of distractions.



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,051
Location: San Jose

27 Sep 2014, 12:41 am

Alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol followed by feeling depressed and worthless for amount of time until im drunk then I forget it get random online play some video games then go to sleep! Those who reject you can stay forever alone and be miserable to hell with them they aren't worth your time anymore!


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


bungleton
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2014
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 247

27 Sep 2014, 8:11 am

^ Otaku, please be careful going down that path!! It's easy to wind up with a very detrimental habit that takes a LOT of vigilance to break.

Handling rejection... Unfortunately it seems you're getting quite a few unhelpful replies.
I can't help you too much as I don't take it very well either, but what I have tried to do the last few times is think of reasons that aren't things like 'because I'm a bad person,' or 'because I have something wrong with me and everyone can see it but me.'

Unfortunately, I get stuck in those kind of thought loops a lot. I will share some examples of positive conclusions I've drawn since trying to change the way I interpret rejections:

'She wants someone who is in the same career line as her to support and grow with.'
'Our mental health issues don't compliment each others''
'Maybe she isn't ready for an intimate relationhip'

The last one is significant, because rather than getting super depressed about this lovely girl I met, I thought to ask her if my behaviour was too direct. She opened a dialog about not feeling comfortable giving/receiving affection. We're still talking a lot and I have drawn the conclusion that our relationship might never be physical but she's a wonderful girl that I want in my life. That kinda sucks because my biological side's going nuts at me (but you're meant to have sex with the woman! what the hell man??) but I know it's the right thing to do. I don't want to lose her friendship just because I can't 'have' her.

That said, it's taken a LOT of rejections to start thinking this way. Perhaps it's an emergent coping mechanism or something because I was just getting more and more hurt each time it happened. Good luck, at the very least know you're not alone in this community.



newageretrohippie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jul 2013
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 814
Location: Keene, NH

27 Sep 2014, 10:21 am

I've been rejected by every woman I've ever met, including my best friend....and I don't so much handle it as I simply drown my sorrows in soda, video games and porn ( trying to stop that last one though... ).


_________________
Ore Sanjou!


Uprising
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,908

27 Sep 2014, 10:47 am

Perhaps it's better to let women approach us in a lot of cases, this would feel more secure.

There is a limit on how many rejections a male can handle before he mentally and physically collapses.

It's not the same as heartbreak, it's definitely not the same.



jerry00
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 269

27 Sep 2014, 10:58 am

Uprising wrote:
It's not the same as heartbreak, it's definitely not the same.


Yeah, you learn not to get so attached to women so they don't break your heart. It just starts to feel like you don't even know what kind of woman you want anymore. They all seem to be wrong for us.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

27 Sep 2014, 10:24 pm

Idk. I've mostly just accepted that I'm not ment to be loved or enjoy life. is what it is, until society changes which is unlikely.