How do you cope with constant rejections

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sly279
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27 Sep 2014, 10:24 pm

Idk. I've mostly just accepted that I'm not ment to be loved or enjoy life. is what it is, until society changes which is unlikely.



Kaufmancab51
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28 Sep 2014, 12:26 am

sly279 wrote:
Idk. I've mostly just accepted that I'm not ment to be loved or enjoy life. is what it is, until society changes which is unlikely.


You cannot expect society to change around you for the better. YOU are the one that has to make the change.

You either adapt or you perish.

You have to endure the pain of constant rejection. I've been hit by it so hard that it becomes difficult to sleep and I get hit with anxiety attacks, but I fight through them.

You can't be afraid to fail, but you can't fail unless you try.


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sly279
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28 Sep 2014, 12:44 am

Kaufmancab51 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Idk. I've mostly just accepted that I'm not ment to be loved or enjoy life. is what it is, until society changes which is unlikely.


You cannot expect society to change around you for the better. YOU are the one that has to make the change.

You either adapt or you perish.

You have to endure the pain of constant rejection. I've been hit by it so hard that it becomes difficult to sleep and I get hit with anxiety attacks, but I fight through them.

You can't be afraid to fail, but you can't fail unless you try.


I only get super sad at night, when i see couples, at the mall. reading dating proflies. the rejections depress me and it its mostly all i get for my effort in dating, so not trying seems to be the better route. I can't change society, i'm not popular enough.

i haven't give up i just don't really try I mostly come to accept my worthlessness. if the majority say I'm worthless its seems illogical to deny it.



Jjancee
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28 Sep 2014, 10:32 am

sly279 wrote:
Kaufmancab51 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Idk. I've mostly just accepted that I'm not ment to be loved or enjoy life. is what it is, until society changes which is unlikely.


You cannot expect society to change around you for the better. YOU are the one that has to make the change.

You either adapt or you perish.

You have to endure the pain of constant rejection. I've been hit by it so hard that it becomes difficult to sleep and I get hit with anxiety attacks, but I fight through them.

You can't be afraid to fail, but you can't fail unless you try.


I only get super sad at night, when i see couples, at the mall. reading dating proflies. the rejections depress me and it its mostly all i get for my effort in dating, so not trying seems to be the better route. I can't change society, i'm not popular enough.

i haven't give up i just don't really try I mostly come to accept my worthlessness. if the majority say I'm worthless its seems illogical to deny it.


Pretty much everybody - NT and not - goes through life feeling like an idiot the vast majority of the time.

The fact that there are 7 billion people on this planet statistically guarantees that you are not the best/smartest/richest/best looking person out there.

You really truly believe only gorgeous, suave people get to have relationships? It isn't true!

Don't believe me? Go look at the weddings/engagements page on your local paper. How many look like supermodels? Are professional athletes? Are ordinary people with ordinary jobs and 40 lbs extra around their middle??

While you're certainly entitled to sulk and feel sorry for yourself about one/both of these (inevitable) facts, making peace with it is less likely to make you miserable in the long run. If you're depressed or have debilitating anxiety, consider seeking treatment.

It's also worth noting that dating involved a ton of rejection. For everybody. You either break up or get married.



Anna_K
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28 Sep 2014, 11:36 am

I've just accepted that I can't get along with everyone and everyone can't get along with me.


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28 Sep 2014, 2:17 pm

I was once told that socialising is all about being a "di*k". I was also told that its about being kind. My only way to reconcile these two standpoints is to suggest that most people act in enlightened self interest. This means that generally people are out for themselves but where your interests coincide you have mutual agreement and acts of "charity". The hard thing for us is that many of us are isolated so our interests rarely coincide with others. The trick is to work out precisely how we can leverage what similarities we do have with others in order to find common ground


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sly279
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28 Sep 2014, 2:56 pm

Jjancee wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Kaufmancab51 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Idk. I've mostly just accepted that I'm not ment to be loved or enjoy life. is what it is, until society changes which is unlikely.


You cannot expect society to change around you for the better. YOU are the one that has to make the change.

You either adapt or you perish.

You have to endure the pain of constant rejection. I've been hit by it so hard that it becomes difficult to sleep and I get hit with anxiety attacks, but I fight through them.

You can't be afraid to fail, but you can't fail unless you try.


I only get super sad at night, when i see couples, at the mall. reading dating proflies. the rejections depress me and it its mostly all i get for my effort in dating, so not trying seems to be the better route. I can't change society, i'm not popular enough.

i haven't give up i just don't really try I mostly come to accept my worthlessness. if the majority say I'm worthless its seems illogical to deny it.


Pretty much everybody - NT and not - goes through life feeling like an idiot the vast majority of the time.

The fact that there are 7 billion people on this planet statistically guarantees that you are not the best/smartest/richest/best looking person out there.

You really truly believe only gorgeous, suave people get to have relationships? It isn't true!

Don't believe me? Go look at the weddings/engagements page on your local paper. How many look like supermodels? Are professional athletes? Are ordinary people with ordinary jobs and 40 lbs extra around their middle??

While you're certainly entitled to sulk and feel sorry for yourself about one/both of these (inevitable) facts, making peace with it is less likely to make you miserable in the long run. If you're depressed or have debilitating anxiety, consider seeking treatment.

It's also worth noting that dating involved a ton of rejection. For everybody. You either break up or get married.


no pictures in our newspaper, just words it seems at least for weddings. this probably depends on your area, what you people here don't understand is i live in a college town that attracts hot gorgeous women from all over the nation that are able to pay the high prices to attend. so theres a large amount of hot people and then a small amount of ugly people. so why would the hot woman settle for an ugly man when she can try to find or wait for a hot guy. that asides If two people can ignore uglliness of their so then thats good for them. I can't really be with someone I find ugly. i find most women gorgeous though. none of this really matters though as I have been rejected 99% of the time by hundreds if not thousands of women. so aside from moving out of my area which I can't do or friends introducing me to people which they won't do. I am stuck how I am. it sucks and is depressing but since I can't make the thin/fat pretty women find me attractive. it is what it is. knowing that where you live people you consider fat and ugly get married doesn't help.

the people I've seen getting married on fb via my friends, the women again are all what I consider gorgeous they guys(friends) aren't bad looking like me. two of my former crushes married model looking guys.
making peace? don't see how that will happen until I stop desiring love and romance or they invent an emotion blocking drug.

meh I've just about ran out of people to message. they mostly have the don't message me if you are not thin, athletic, handsome etc.
or must have job, car, own place.
or be a cowboy type with a truck to go mudding in.

or a combination of all three. then there's the ones I know will reject me, the thin hot women who reply selectively. if they are real in the first place. they are clearly looking for the thin hot sexy guy hence why they are so selective.
gathered enough data do know they won't reply to me, so i just hid them and add it to the list hundreds and hundreds of hidden profiles.

I feel my life is just a horrible mean joke done onto me, to make me so horrible but then make me desire love that due to being so horrible i'll never obtain. so i spend my life in a unobtainable pursuit that slowly damages me till I likely kill myself.

only upside if it is one is those women are endlessly on there too waiting for someone to come that likely never will.



jerry00
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28 Sep 2014, 2:58 pm

Jjancee wrote:
It's also worth noting that dating involved a ton of rejection. For everybody. You either break up or get married.


Or never get given a chance in the first place...

And then they just say, "oh, well, you don't deserve a partner because you feel sorry for yourself". When that's the inevitable consequence of being told you're not good enough over and over. Like they expect that to make me happy or something.



Last edited by jerry00 on 28 Sep 2014, 3:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sly279
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28 Sep 2014, 2:59 pm

dating seems like a cruel trap set by society.
I think there are far less horrible ways people could go about finding love.

anyone watch the married at first sight?
there was one woman who they matched her list exactly but the guy wasn't the best looking which she said she didn't care, but then she freaked out at the wedding I think she didn't go through with it.



sly279
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28 Sep 2014, 3:02 pm

Anna_K wrote:
I've just accepted that I can't get along with everyone and everyone can't get along with me.


you get rejected?

you're still young, perhaps when you get older you'll find people who get along with you.

I didn't make many friends til highschool then lost them. in college I met more people with similar interests.



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28 Sep 2014, 4:48 pm

Take it easy with the whole rejection thing. I say you should be GLAD you get rejected often.

Why?

Because if you're getting rejected OFTEN, that means you are TRYING OFTEN. Which is a lot more than you can say for some around here.

Don't get discouraged over it, either. I think most people get rejected a lot more than they get accepted. It's getting accepted by the few people who actually count for something in your life that you should work towards.

In terms of dating/relationships, once you enter into a LTR or a marriage, you're basically announcing to the world that you have rejected all other people other than the person you are involved with. That's rejection, too, and once you go monogamous you are "guilty" of what you accuse other people of doing. Don't look at rejection as a bad thing. Just try to get to know one or two new people every week, figure out how to hang out with those people as much as you can, and I guarantee with a little patience you'll get more acceptances. Granted, you'll get rejected MORE because you're asking a lot more people out, but playing the numbers game inevitably works in your favor. If you ask 5 out and only 1 says "yes," then odds don't seem to work in your favor. But if you ask 10 out and 2 say "yes," that's twice as good in terms of acceptances as when you only ask 5 out.

If I were to get back into dating (unlikely, but for the sake of argument), I'd make it my goal to meet two women/week?one lunch date in the middle of the week and something nice on the weekend. There are 52 weeks in a year, so that's 104 potential dates. I'd want to double that in order to decrease the likelihood of spending weekends alone, so we're talking about compiling a list of some 208 women that I may potentially ask out 3 separate times. I know full well I'm more likely to get rejected than actually getting a date, but this could go so many different ways that I only win.

For instance, I might over the course of 3 months ask the same girl out for either a lunch or dinner date 3 different times. If she rejects me the third time, I'm not going to call her back. But she MIGHT eventually decide she's interested and call ME up to see if I'm still interested. If that happens, she gets back on my list.

I might call anyone up at any time and get rejected. Big deal, move on down the list.

I'll probably NOT ask anyone out on a date 2 consecutive weeks, the reason being I'm not looking for a relationship or to get laid. I just want to get to know someone, that's all. What will end up happening is I'll get rejected so many times that I end up calling, say, the same 58 women that I always end up going out with. Out of that, there will be some that for whatever reason I'M not interested in seeing again, some that decide to get serious about some other guy, and ultimately there are 3 or 4 who have a genuine interest in me. Out of that is 1 or 2 I could really see myself in a LTR with. One of those has a future, the other does not, and sometimes it's just a coin toss. You figure out the answer to that, and if you made the wrong choice the first time, you call #2 to see if she'll even have you. And if that doesn't work, you recompile your list and start over. Heck, get a job on the other side of the state and start over. You're unattached, so why not?

The hardest part is you have to switch your emotions off about the whole thing. I mean, YES, there are those you're attracted to who don't reciprocate. I understand that. But getting hung up on people is distracting and keeps you from your ultimate goal, assuming that goal is to go out with potential love interests and possibly get to know someone of LTR/marriage material. There might be that ONE that you REALLY wanted to be with, and it's just not going to happen. I can't blame you if it hurts your feelings. But these kinds of things are simply too big to be wasted on feeeeeeelings. Constant rejection is merely part of the process. Don't let that get you down. Embrace rejection and let it be part of the growing process. After all, when someone rejects you, that's one less person you have to wonder about. Next, please...



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28 Sep 2014, 5:18 pm

AngelRho wrote:
If I were to get back into dating (unlikely, but for the sake of argument), I'd make it my goal to meet two women/week?one lunch date in the middle of the week and something nice on the weekend. There are 52 weeks in a year, so that's 104 potential dates. I'd want to double that in order to decrease the likelihood of spending weekends alone, so we're talking about compiling a list of some 208 women that I may potentially ask out 3 separate times. I know full well I'm more likely to get rejected than actually getting a date, but this could go so many different ways that I only win.


How would you even go about meeting THAT many women, much less ones that have enough in common with you to date? I live in a pretty populated area right now, and I typically average meeting 1-2 people a month. Even then, with online dating, I've already gone through a pretty good portion of the women in my area that I'm potentially compatible with, and I've been having to expand my radius. Without online dating, I'm lucky if I meet one single, potentially compatible women my age a year, much less twice a week!

Not to mention, even with how many women I've been on dates with, I find it sometimes tough to keep track. When you're constantly getting to know new people like that with very few of those people staying in your life long-term, it's really easy to get people mixed up ("You grew up in Australia didn't you? Oh wait no, that was that other girl...")



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28 Sep 2014, 9:16 pm

The key is not to take rejection personally. I wish I could do that. Hell I'm in therapy again this semester over cutting myself over a girl I like that ignores me. In reality, rejection often has very little to do with us. People have their natural attractions and things they aren't attracted to, it's not my fault I'm attracted to her, and it's not her fault she's not attracted to me. But yeah, rejections suck. From jobs, from women, from whatever. But at the end of the day, hater's gon' hate and you just gotta shake it off. And people suck.


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28 Sep 2014, 9:42 pm

Spiritual author named Guy Finley said the following three facts in one of his book. Although negative, and not the most helpful thing to say, I hope it is a start though.

1. You can only depend on others for as long as it pays them to tolerate your dependance.
2. Despite how things look on the surface level of human interaction, self-interest governs all.
3. Very rarely do people do good deeds out of the kindness of their hearts. Watch what happens when you fail to acknowledge the kindness in someone else. Either that person will shrug it off, or act bitter towards you.

The third one isn't exactly what is written in the book, and the italics illustrate a point I wanted to make. A person who shrugs off your failure to acknowledge them is less likely to take your action personally, and may choose to discuss things civilly later on. But a person who gets bitter can't control their emotions very well either and is more likely to hold a grudge.


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28 Sep 2014, 10:12 pm

AngelRho wrote:
Take it easy with the whole rejection thing. I say you should be GLAD you get rejected often.

Why?

Because if you're getting rejected OFTEN, that means you are TRYING OFTEN. Which is a lot more than you can say for some around here.

Don't get discouraged over it, either. I think most people get rejected a lot more than they get accepted. It's getting accepted by the few people who actually count for something in your life that you should work towards.

In terms of dating/relationships, once you enter into a LTR or a marriage, you're basically announcing to the world that you have rejected all other people other than the person you are involved with. That's rejection, too, and once you go monogamous you are "guilty" of what you accuse other people of doing. Don't look at rejection as a bad thing. Just try to get to know one or two new people every week, figure out how to hang out with those people as much as you can, and I guarantee with a little patience you'll get more acceptances. Granted, you'll get rejected MORE because you're asking a lot more people out, but playing the numbers game inevitably works in your favor. If you ask 5 out and only 1 says "yes," then odds don't seem to work in your favor. But if you ask 10 out and 2 say "yes," that's twice as good in terms of acceptances as when you only ask 5 out.

If I were to get back into dating (unlikely, but for the sake of argument), I'd make it my goal to meet two women/week?one lunch date in the middle of the week and something nice on the weekend. There are 52 weeks in a year, so that's 104 potential dates. I'd want to double that in order to decrease the likelihood of spending weekends alone, so we're talking about compiling a list of some 208 women that I may potentially ask out 3 separate times. I know full well I'm more likely to get rejected than actually getting a date, but this could go so many different ways that I only win.

For instance, I might over the course of 3 months ask the same girl out for either a lunch or dinner date 3 different times. If she rejects me the third time, I'm not going to call her back. But she MIGHT eventually decide she's interested and call ME up to see if I'm still interested. If that happens, she gets back on my list.

I might call anyone up at any time and get rejected. Big deal, move on down the list.

I'll probably NOT ask anyone out on a date 2 consecutive weeks, the reason being I'm not looking for a relationship or to get laid. I just want to get to know someone, that's all. What will end up happening is I'll get rejected so many times that I end up calling, say, the same 58 women that I always end up going out with. Out of that, there will be some that for whatever reason I'M not interested in seeing again, some that decide to get serious about some other guy, and ultimately there are 3 or 4 who have a genuine interest in me. Out of that is 1 or 2 I could really see myself in a LTR with. One of those has a future, the other does not, and sometimes it's just a coin toss. You figure out the answer to that, and if you made the wrong choice the first time, you call #2 to see if she'll even have you. And if that doesn't work, you recompile your list and start over. Heck, get a job on the other side of the state and start over. You're unattached, so why not?

The hardest part is you have to switch your emotions off about the whole thing. I mean, YES, there are those you're attracted to who don't reciprocate. I understand that. But getting hung up on people is distracting and keeps you from your ultimate goal, assuming that goal is to go out with potential love interests and possibly get to know someone of LTR/marriage material. There might be that ONE that you REALLY wanted to be with, and it's just not going to happen. I can't blame you if it hurts your feelings. But these kinds of things are simply too big to be wasted on feeeeeeelings. Constant rejection is merely part of the process. Don't let that get you down. Embrace rejection and let it be part of the growing process. After all, when someone rejects you, that's one less person you have to wonder about. Next, please...


Must seem pretty pointless if you're not going to bother with feelings. These people are no more crucial to you than any other stranger - what is the likelyhood that you'll care for any of them? I doubt this kind of dating would turn out anything special.


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sly279
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29 Sep 2014, 3:20 am

only meet 1-2 women a year. maybe messaged 10 a year. far less now that I amd not really trying. ran out of possible women on sites.