Why do Women do this on Dating Sites?

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True, but I have received a few inappropriate messages, even repeatedly from a guy once. I am well aware that women get a lot of garbage and as a decent human being that offends me. Still, that's what the "block" feature is for! Slightly off-topic, but it's strange how on eHarmony the women I have dated have commented on how LITTLE they hear from guys. If I were to go online again, I will go back to eHarmony but not until some new members sign up.


That's kinda my whole point. It's just like me saying "I'm sick of being ignored by stuck up, snobby women! If you want to talk to me, message me instead!" Do you think the few decent women on that site are going to talk to me or are they going to run as fast as they can? I suspect the latter!

Probably the same reason men post on forums complaining about how women treat them: frustration.

Is this topic a good overall view of who you are, or is it not so only because it's not posted on an advertisement?

Wise choice. That could have been a lot less confrontational.

However, I do agree with smudge in other areas? This is a person who not been treated kindly on dating sites and is simply tired of it. I don't use dating sites, but I wonder if there is such a thing as making it clear in a profile that messages containing attachments/links will be deleted unread?

Sounds like the girl in question is really a nice girl. If you're thinking about hitting her up because you're both interested in relationships, I say go for it.

I dunno?I think of online dating profiles as just another way to leave a sort of calling card. If you meet someone interesting IRL but you never have time for conversation, refer someone to your online dating profile. That way, when you do have a chance to go out, you've already got a few hours' worth of ice breakers.

GiantHockeyFan: Saying you're a better human being than whatever is more likely to just make you seem like an as*hole. If you are a decent human being your actions will prove it, you wouldn't need to explain how good you are.

Boxman108: What part of what smudge wrote was sexist? You're letting your frustration turn you into a MRA. Don't do that.

Overall I completely agree with kaedatiger

That's a very good attitude.

Silent treatment is BS.

I read that first time round and thought you were an arrogant pri*k. Then I remembered this is a forum for people on the spectrum. I guess you're just telling the truth as you see it

Because that wasn't a sweeping sexist generalisation, AngelRho, making women out to be snobbish and looking down on everyone. And I forget the rationality behind the word "feminist" as a cuss word.

Good lord, first I'm told that my low self-confidence turns people off and now this. I'm starting to think I truly AM on the Wrong Planet! First I'm told I have to be confidence in myself and when I try to have a positive self-image get told I am arrogant. I really can't figure this planet out..... I think I am being reasonable in saying I am a high quality male compared to singles my age and above average compared to men over 30 in general and I will leave it at that.


Of course it is but it's the rude and condescending way she worded it. She could have easily said she says what's on her mind and respects men to not give the silent treatment and left it at that. In my profile I essentially said that I say what I mean and left it at that. No need to take a shot at the ladies reading my profile.


True, but let's not forget I would not say this in real life. We don't know each other and I will never meet anyone here in real life, just pointing out I am a decent catch overall. I like to think my actions do show it but I obviously cannot do it here.

[quote=AngelRho"]Sounds like the girl in question is really a nice girl. If you're thinking about hitting her up because you're both interested in relationships, I say go for it.[/quote]
I agree that she probably is. My reason for creating this topic was to question why she would make decent men doubt that she was by posting this angry rant. I'm sure she has many great qualities. Why not post them instead and as much as I despise this term she should "sell herself" and just use block on these perverted guys? Unfortunately her attitude has soured me from contacting her but if she were to contact me with a nice message I would probably give it an honest effort.


I see your point but again this is Apples to Oranges. I'm not going to meet anyone here in real life and I would NEVER post this on my Facebook account for example. I might be frustrated by women's attitudes on free dating sites in general but overall I do adore women. I think I've made it very clear I much prefer the company of women to men even though that's not exactly a "macho" attitude.

To put it another way, can you imagine a Job Cover Letter saying "I am sick of stupid companies who hire morons. If you are one of those companies, just throw my resume in the garbage because I am not interested in working for you." Sure I might think this sometimes but I am NEVER going to say it on paper! All that's going to happen is that everyone will avoid the bitter and jaded guy and not a skilled professional.

This bears repeating but THE PERVERTS DON'T READ PROFILES!! ! My point is and continues to be that there is ZERO benefit to posting rants like this on a dating profile.

What exactly is wrong with what Boxman said?
He didn't necessarily imply that there's anything wrong with what the woman on OKCupid wrote.

For example, I 'can afford' to wear baggy cargo pants with a low (but not too low) waistline in public,
because I'm a white man, so nobody assumes I'm in a gang or am just a 'hoodlum' or 'thug' or whatever.
It's a situation which is unfair in my favor. Nevertheless, there's still nothing wrong with wearing cargo pants.
There's nothing wrong when a black man wears it, or when I wear it (or when a woman wears it for that matter),
but some other people apply a standard of judgement that makes it harder for others unlike me to do so.

Conversely, I could not afford to write an OKCupid profile acknowledging primarily those who irritate me,
and still expect to receive any positive messages from women.
By contrast, she can write a profile addressing the trolls and cat-callers first,
and still receive messages from interested guys.*
If we can't agree the likelihood of that, then we might
as well be arguing what shade of blue the sky is.

* Note that I'm not implying anything about 'fairness'. I'm just stating it as an observation.

Last edited by Fatal-Noogie on 29 Sep 2014, 8:53 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Oops. I missed your comment, smudge.
Nevertheless, I think you're taking an overly-pessimistic interpretation
of Boxman's comment and my defense of his choice of words still stands.

Lets look at it point by point

Well she wants a long term relationship rather than a one night stand or some dirty talking on cyber sex. To my mind the fact that she has raised the bar would make me more interested

Quote:

"I'm the kind of person that is perfectly fine by myself"

"If you do something that annoys me, or upsets me you are going to know it. I don't mean by giving you the silent treatment until you 'figure it out'. I will tell you right then and there what you are doing is upsetting and you had best not do it again."

Well she is not going to get into a relationship at any cost, she will get into one only for a good reason and not becuase she is afraid of being on her own. This sounds like a positive feature in a person.

Quote:

"I don't share. Period. The second I find out you are or were cheating on me, your ass is grass. First offense I am gone, I don't need that s**t in my life."

Well she wants an exclusive relationship, if I was looking for a GF I would also want an exclusive relationship. So that is a positive point

Quote:

She is making it very clear she does not want any dirty pictures or other muck sent to her. If I was a woman I would be angry is someone sent me a picture of their "John Thomas" (Dick, Willy or what ever you want to call it). This suggests that she wants people to treat her with respect, I am not put off by that. If she wants me to respect her then I would expect that if I got into contact with her that she would treat me with respect in return. To me the demand that people treat her with respect is a positive thing.

I am not looking for a woman (I am very happy with my aspie wife), but if I was based on the text I would not be put off. Also it is a sad day the word "Feminist" becomes a dirty word. While feminism comes in many forms (some might be silly) the basic idea that a woman should have the same rights in law, the same chances in life and freedom from sexual predation is hard to argue against.

If anyone want to argue against what I think are the three core goals of the feminist movement then be my guest, I imagine that it is impossible to find a good argument against the three core ideas.

Maybe watch the episode of red drwaf where the men go to an alternative universe where the gender roles are reversed.

Why do guys send pictures of their manhood to women anyway? There's no way that it accomplishes anything. Is it supposed to be a joke? Surely everyone understands that its not funny when everyone does it over and over??

I don't mind being put in with MRAs or any other group that stands for equality. Feminism may have been all about that some decades ago, but certainly not now. Women whining about pricks on dating sites is really not a legimate point when men just don't make a big deal about how they're treated.

But it's not a job cover letter. It's a social setting. At jobs people are expected to keep up a persona that's appropriate and customer-friendly regardless of how they are in private, but a dating site is an advertisement to bring people into your personal life where you might do things like swear, drink, and make mistakes. There's putting your best foot forward so that people don't think you're a dangerous psycho, and then there's treating yourself like a product that is not allowed to ever malfunction or have negative emotions.

There's zero benefit to you being angry about what they choose to post, too, considering that the only difference is whether or not it's openly expressed and it doesn't affect your online dating experience. No one is forcing you into contact with people who aren't to your tastes. You're essentially pissed off that people are expressing frustrations in the first place and appearing as angry, not about whether or not those frustrations are at all reasonable or the complaints justified. Tough. People are going to have feelings and say things that aren't pleasant sometimes.

If you don't like how they talk or get bad vibes about their temper, then just pick someone else. It's already been covered that they're frustrated and letting off steam, and whether or not it looks good is their problem to worry about.

Last edited by downbutnotout on 29 Sep 2014, 4:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.

That looks reasonable to me. Try being a woman and you will see what they have to deal with. It's not uncommon for us to get creepy guys and guys who are horny and think with their penises.

She was probably getting PMs from horny guys who were not interested in her but were out to get turned on and have sex or get turned on with. She has probably gotten enough of being asked to see naked pictures of her or her in her bra and panties or of her labia so she is annoyed with it. I have put bitter stuff in my profiles as well because of men who have no respect for women and I get sick of the pressure and them taking no for an answer. Luckily I am not dating or looking so it's not really a problem but I still get pissed when a guy doesn't respect me.

What's sexist about wanting men to treat us as equals?