Guys how important are are these qualities to you in a girl?

Post Reply New Topic

calm and inspirational are the only ones I don't care about.

I like intelligence (analytical), creative, looks good, and most of all caring. Patience and respectful are great too.

You'll get into a relationship. You just haven't met your future partner yet.

Out of those caring and respectful are the only really important traits to me.

A third important trait which was not listed is loyalty.

That just about sums it up. And those traits are hard to check with typical dating as it is a too short process that doesn't allow you to figure this out. Most people are able to fake these traits when dating.

Caring - bare minimum of course

Analytical - questioning conventions is great!

Calm - depends on the moment. sometimes calm is good. sometimes energetic is good.

Flexible - sure.

Looks taken care of - what does this mean?

Patient - really vague term here. i wouldn't consider myself patient, so no.

Inspirational - she doesn't have to be a mountainclimber or cancer survivor, but if she inspires me in some way, thats a plus in my book

Respectful - of course

Creative - definitely a plus.

Independent - absolutely

The most important : Is hot, has the body of the devil, is a goddess in bed, cooks, irons, does laundry, who reads comics and plays video games. Her Name is April... April Fools!! ! Ah ah
Joke aside.

Caring : Important
Analytical : Not important
Calm : Very important
Flexible : Don't care
Looks taken care of : Very important
Patient : Very important
Inspirational : Very, very important, must be a muse
Respectful : Important
Creative : Important
Independent : Very independant

It's Asperger's. The body language has to be there, the non-verbal communication. I can never get that stuff down either--even if I know what I am supposed to do, getting my body to perform the actions is difficult. Interpreting other people's non-verbal communication in real time is damn near impossible for me. I miss 90% of the cues. Then, in hindsight, I realize what the other person was trying to say to me. Of course, by then it is too late.

If you don't have the neurotypical body-language you probably have the neurodiverse version. So, this is not an issue. The issue rather is faking to be neurotypical when you are not, and suppressing your signals because they are perceived as odd. That's why I previously wrote that we should not suppress happiness stims towards possible partners, because they are a valuable help for neurodiverse people to identify interest between themselves.

You are probably right. There must be something off about my body language even when I am traying to stand as open and smiley as possible.

And people would unfairly get the wrong idea if you are inadequate in displaying friendliness/how-approachable, I've been guilty at doing that to others few times (being afraid to approach someone because she seemed to me not wanting to be approached or unfriendly), the story I've cited before here is a perfect example. And it's not just about the smile of course; there are many things at play, that girl for example was displaying signs of "I don't want to be bothered by anyone" all the time (we introverts do that all the time) ; she avoids eye contact, looking at the ground or phone most of the time, she puts earphones most of the time, she has no company at all, her mind seemed preoccupied..etc. All these seemed "I don't want to be bothered by anyone" signs to me and made me afraid to approach her in any way - I was like "better to leave her alone". Once broken the ice with her (an unintended talk with her), she was the one was starting topics with me ever since, so go figure lol.
Your problem might be something similar, not necessarily the same.

Yeah that could be the case, Boo. Though it is probably something very small that people notice when talking to me. I wish I could see myself back on tape.

These are all positive traits (assuming here that "Looks taken care of" refers to grooming and not that you look well cared-for). Unfortunately, the formula for love or any kind of chemistry is not just a balance sheet of positives and negatives. If it were, I think Aspies would be the most successful at the whole dating and coupling thing.

Same here but I'm most attracted to someone who seems to adore me like as a friend or whatever.

Yesterday I noticed something interesting. I was in the gym sitting at a bench whatsapping on my smartphone when a guy from my dance class came along and said hi to me (as he was walking towards the exit) . I looked up at him and said hi back but because he said hi and walked along I felt really uncomfortable and I didn´t know what to do. My first internal reaction was: go away! keep walking! don't try and talk to me! but then I decided to maintain eye contact instead of looking away quickly back at my smartphone. He then stopped and asked me how I was, etc etc. We ended up having a five minute conversation.

You got the tail of it, that's exactly what I was talking about! You're very much so like that girl.

I guess part of my fear about acting sociable/maintaining eye contact/being spontaneous/ etc is that I am afraid I will come on to strong or desperate with a guy. Maybe even creepy. Yeah I guess that's what I am really afraid of.

If you want a boyfriend, being perceived as strong or desperate are both better cases than being perceived non-approachable.