Guys how important are are these qualities to you in a girl?

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It doesn't. That would only mean you are not seeing enough people, or that you are not in neurodiverse-friendly environments. There are always other people that share even the most eccentric traits. You just need to find them.



That's the thing. If you are compatible, chances that it is (or will become) mutual increase.

You are 22. You say you are physically attractive. I have no reason to doubt that. I can guarantee that everyday at least a dozen guys are checking you out and thinking that they would like to get to know you. There are 365 days in a year (366 on leap years). You will probably have 60 more years of life. So 12 x 365.25 x 60 = 262,980 chances for a guy to approach you or signal to you that he wants you to approach him. It seems very unlikely to me that someone with your level of intelligence won't learn how to take advantage of these opportunities in time. Because you have not had much experience, it is natural to fear that things will always remain the same. It is all that you know. However, the numbers are against the possibility of you never finding a compatible mate.

It is great to look at videos and study body language. It is also great to emulate what you see others doing. My dad taught me when I was a boy how to carry myself so that I look manly and confident. I have had years of practice. However, I have noticed that once I get relaxed (not caring if I get rejected or not, not caring too much about my body language and how I present myself to others), I can easily pick up on social cues and interact correctly (even just being my clumsy, shy self). If someone is really attracted to you, it is hard to completely turn them off. You don't have to be perfect.

The trick is being relaxed and not caring. I wish I could teach you that, but I don't understand it myself. It just seems that I get a lot more looks from women when I am not thinking about trying to find a mate. When I am actively looking for a mate, I get too nervous and probably come off as weird and push people away.

I have confidence in you. You will have many relationships. Keep doing what you are doing (living life to the fullest and asking questions to figure this stuff out). I know you will be successful.

Caring: Important

Analytical: Depends

Calm: Depends

Flexible: Important
{Clarification: Has to understand that not only am I an Aspie, I also have epilepsy.}

Looks Taken Care Of: Don't Care
{Clarification: I don't care about someone's looks.}

Patient: Important
{Clarification: Has to be show more patience than my family because my family are very impatient people who want me to be the same way.}

Inspirational: Don't Care

Respectful: Important

Creative: Important

Independent: Important

7 billion people on the planet, half of them female means the odds are in your favor - provided your expectations are realistic (ie you do not expect anything of your partner that you aren't willing to ask of yourself).

I like all of them, but my #1 concern is having the same worldview with someone in a relationship, especially spiritually. Our worldview affects everything we say, think, and do...so dating or marrying someone with drastically different views leads to chaos.

That is a nice post. I hope your words will turn out to be the truth. And yes I can only take care of myself and live my life to the fullest. I also need to learn to be more relaxed around people and not care.

Cafeaulait, you might also want to move, if possible. I don't know what the culture is like where you live, but I know that some places are not good for finding a suitable partner. What I mean by that is everyone has a personality type that they are compatible with and some places are more likely to have your type than other places.

I have never had a girlfriend from my hometown. Every time I have dated, it has been someone from some other place. I would never find a mate if I still lived there. I think it is because I never fit in the fabric of my hometown. Now that I moved to a metropolitan area in a different part of the U.S., there are plenty of potential partners. There are women who like smart, shy guys. Interracial dating isn't taboo. There are women who are smart enough, educated enough, and nice enough for me to have conversations with and hang out with. I know longer worry about finding a mate. It is only a matter of time.

Em tsju, i have been thinking about that recently. I never actually regarded location as significant. I come from the second largest city in the country. It is a very modern and diverse city. But it is also the city with the least bachelors. I study (and have a room) in a smaller city with a large student population, so a lot of people from my age. I think I will consider moving to Amsterdam, also a big city and I read there are more bachelors there.

This is what I read on http://decodingmenbeforetheworldends.bl ... s.html?m=1

She's nonchalant about her appearance which shows she's laidback and not stuck up, she's physically well-proportioned and typical-looking which means there's no x-factor and therefore no characteristic that would make her seem weird - this means she's likeable and the type of girl you would definitely take home to Mum.

This is always something that I've wondered. I always try to fit in and be average. I never succeed. I regularly hear that I stand out in some way, even when I have my hair up and wear sneakers. I got told I have the x-factor. I've always felt that I was too 'weird' for most guys. My social awkwardness, my love of astrophysics and arts, and my cheerful but quirky personality, combined with my big curly hair and the fact that I am mixed race are just not understood by many men. They might think I look okay and am sweet, but I feel that they find me too 'weird' overall to consider my relationship material, due to the combination of atypical characteristics.

That's irrelevant. Let's say there are 1 billion suitable females, and it takes one hour to check out one of them. That will take more than 10,000 years to accomplish, so it is truly an impossible approach. But it appears some people think it is possible to go through every possible partner and select the best one. They are just fooling themselves.

You don't want a guy who wants a plain jane. You want a guy who wants a girl like you. Perhaps Amsterdam will be the place where you find a guy who likes girls with the X-factor.

Yeah, you are right. I´m starting to think more and more that it has to do with it that I am just not meeting enough new men, new suitable suitors. Moving could help with the problem.

1. Independent minded, this is about attitude and personalty. Very important to me. I am low dependency and look for same. I can't stand neediness. To have own interest and do own things, as much as spend time together. I don't believe in conventional relationships like marriage for myself.
2. Respectful / Calm (I have sympathy with people with anxiety, however having been so, is a degree of neurosis, essentially affecting, I would not be prepared to deal with, but wish them better).
4. Flexible / Patient
5. I am highly analytical myself, this can both a gift and a curse sometimes. It is important that people think for themselves, they question things, and have their own insight. If they are not into discussing all matter of topics they would probably find me "boring" and the feeling is mutual.
6. I have some creativity in some sense, but I would be attracted to people are creative in their own way, I admire people who are naturally creative.
7. Looks taken care of - Everyone considers looks, everyone has preferences, but that doesn't mean these preferences cant be challenged. This is not sugar coating, just point out what I find attract could be different from other. You said "take care of look" so I'm addressing that rather than a look, which I would probably put higher. I don't know much about beautification, I think I like "natural look" with own character. I don't really get long nails, too much makeup, etc.

This is just me though, I'm not looking for you average relationship.

not too sure how to answer this, but I'll try.

Caring important
Analytical depends
Calm important
Flexible not sure
Looks taken care of what's this mean o.O
Patient important
Inspirational can be nice but also bad, not that important
Respectful important
Creative not important , but if they have it I'll try to be interested in it and help them explore it
Independent not preferred , prefer both/dependent/indpendent

honestly none of those things are a big concern to me i don't mind if a girl is a little 'edgy', if you will.
i'd say the caring one is the most important trait of the list though especially if there were to be some sort of baby involved

I seem to have missed "Caring" off . I would place it at no. 2. But I would qualify it with: I don't really need anyone to "care" for me as such. Care about yes, but that work both ways. But physical caring, only if absolutely necessarily. Caring would be accommodating each other's quirks, understanding lifestyle/likes/dislikes. Too much overt caring, isn't really caring.

One thing I go against the grain is the "Wanting to be understood" on some deeper level, personally I think this is nonsense. Who really understands oneself, and why should someone understand you in the same way you do? I'm a strong believer in relativism. Perception, creates the impression of shared experience becuase you will have identifying factors which are in common, rather then the actually experience itself which you have no way of verifying as being the same/understood.

I also think there is an emotional flaw in wanting to be understood on this level. For one you should simply accept yourself and them, and secondly it is a self-centered red herring IMO.