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How to not be creepy?

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Jono
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14 Oct 2014, 9:06 am

rdos wrote:
Jono wrote:
By the way, regarding the book "The Rules", here's a dating book for women that's a great antidote to "The Rules". It's called "It's Okay to Sleep With Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked". Don't be fooled by the title though, it's not saying that you must sleep with men on the first date, just that it's perfectly possible for men to still respect women after sleeping with them on the first date - we aren't all slut-shamers. That's only one of the traditional dating rules that they debunk though:

http://www.amazon.com/Okay-Sleep-With-First-Date/dp/0373892780


Women like that are utterly uninteresting IMHO. A real relationship starts with a serious, two-sided obsession, not sleeping with each others.


Nobody's saying otherwise and you've missed the point of the book. They simply debunking all the dating "rules", most people won't do that and would want to get to know each first and that's fine. It's just that there's no rule that you should or shouldn't do that just like there's no rule that a woman should wait around for men to take the initiative in asking them out, in fact, the book debunks that too.



rdos
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14 Oct 2014, 9:26 am

Jono wrote:
Nobody's saying otherwise and you've missed the point of the book. They simply debunking all the dating "rules", most people won't do that and would want to get to know each first and that's fine. It's just that there's no rule that you should or shouldn't do that just like there's no rule that a woman should wait around for men to take the initiative in asking them out, in fact, the book debunks that too.


However my objection was that I don't want to throw-out all rules, but invent new one's that fits me and neurodiverse people better. Thus, throwing out the rule about early sex is not something I can support. It sounds more like "pop-advice" from our sex-fixated culture. They could have done a lot better if they wanted us to skip all the rules.

My first rule is that I don't do traditional dating at all, so thus I've already debunked everything that has ever been written about traditional dating. :-)

My second rule is that I won't talk to a girl until we have a mutual obsession for each others. :twisted:



b9
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14 Oct 2014, 11:00 am

if one is actually a creep, then i suppose the way to not look like it is to whistle and look around in an aimless sort of way, but if one is not a creep and does not want to look like one, then one simply has to relax and forget the paranoia about looking like a creep.
people who have serious self consciousness issues seem to project them into the minds of others on a subconscious level.



Therese04
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19 Oct 2014, 1:23 pm

Rhapsody wrote:
Okay, to preface the question in the title, I'm a female with AS and I have the tendency to become obsessed with people. I noticed this in college when I'd get a crush I'd obsess to the point I terrified myself. It's really disturbing to realize that you're becoming the creeper from a horror movie, or something of the like. Not that I uhhh let it get to that point. So, my obvious solution was to avoid my crush at all costs and then wait for him to move or whatever. It's worked out pretty well as a solution, so far, but it doesn't actually end up getting anywhere, and kind of turned me into the queen of mixed messages.

The problem is that I want to have a relationship. I'm at the age where all my friends are starting to get married, and start families, and I feel like I'm missing out on something. I really want to try dating. (I'm super curious.) But I'm terrified of becoming obsessed with the guy I'm dating and coming off as totally creepy. I don't want to be creepy. I don't want to be so obsessive. But I am, so I was wondering if any of you had any solutions? Have any of the rest of you had the same problem, where you get obsessed with people? How did you manage to keep from letting yourself get obsessed? Or, on the flip side, has obsession actually been beneficial in a relationship? (I feel like it wouldn't be, but I can...hope?)


I completely understand what you are referring to but I don't think anyone has really answered your question. My first piece of advice is to limit the amount of time you think about this person. If you catch yourself thinking about them, try to focus on something else. The more you think about the person, the more obsessed you will become. Try not to think about them at all otherwise you will get more obsessed. If it is someone you work with, limit the amount of time you spend with the person. Do not completely avoid them. Say hello, how was your weekend, smile, etc. but don't go out of your way to visit the person or be in the same place at the same time. Think about how you act around people you do not have a crush on and act the same way you do around them and treat your crush in the same way you treat everyone else.
Don't over think it, if that makes sense. I hope this helps. If not, let me know and I can try to explain it better.