Why is this section of the forum so controversial?
The_Face_of_Boo
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Sweetleaf
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15 Oct 2014, 2:44 am
Jono wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Venger wrote:
mr_bigmouth_502 wrote:
What is it about the Love and Dating subforum that causes so much controversy?
Cause a certain gender having it much easier in these areas is obviously nice for them.
Until somebody points it out.
The trouble with that is females with aspergers and other conditions also can have a lot of trouble dating and actually forming a serious relationships....so trying to say 'oh its easy for you' and ignoring that it can be quite the struggle for a lot of females to is going to be obnoxious.
Yes, but that's ignoring the fact that the problems that males and females with AS have with dating are different. That doesn't mean that one is better of than the other, but the problems are just different due to different gender expectations.
Yes there can be different problems but doesn't mean one has it easier than the other when it comes to that part of life.
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goldfish21
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for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.
15 Oct 2014, 4:52 am
qFox wrote:
It contains a lot of frustration, anger and desperation of men because of the way society is structured: men are expected to do the vast majority of the social legwork initiating any relationship. This requires many qualities we simply do not possess and so we got the shortest end on the stick. A lot of people here are letting off steam based on their many failures, rejections and frustrations and are using it as a way to cope or seek support.
This, and on top of that, since there's no obvious physical ailments to someone with asperger's, we're expected to conform to society's standards. And we usually (more often than not, we don't) don't conform to those standards, and we're quickly labeled as weird, a p****, a creep, and it's our fault and we're horrible people for it. Now granted, you'll find a lot of aspies are in fact creeps or misogynistic, weather or not they're actively aware of either one is a problem, and they're often called out on it here. Unfortunately, because of this, that's the stereotype of this forum, a lot of unwarranted finger pointing and blaming others.
The best advice I could give is to just lurk the forum and read topics that interest you - read the replies. Generally, people do actually give helpful advice in this forum, but they're never from the topic starter.
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15 Oct 2014, 1:36 pm
Because........trolls!
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15 Oct 2014, 2:21 pm
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
15 Oct 2014, 4:23 pm
rainydaykid wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
The definition of "great guy" is necessarily subjective. Obviously, you fit your own criteria. Trouble is you might not fit others'. The behavior of women is only strange and illogical if we accept the premise that your own preferences are necessarily the correct ones.
15 Oct 2014, 5:19 pm
The_Postmaster wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
The definition of "great guy" is necessarily subjective. Obviously, you fit your own criteria. Trouble is you might not fit others'. The behavior of women is only strange and illogical if we accept the premise that your own preferences are necessarily the correct ones.
So women don't like intelligent, good looking guys? I used to do modeling before I went to college.
15 Oct 2014, 5:51 pm
rainydaykid wrote:
The_Postmaster wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
The definition of "great guy" is necessarily subjective. Obviously, you fit your own criteria. Trouble is you might not fit others'. The behavior of women is only strange and illogical if we accept the premise that your own preferences are necessarily the correct ones.
So women don't like intelligent, good looking guys? I used to do modeling before I went to college.
Some may, some may not (I have found that the average person does not enjoy displays of intelligence, and may even find them demeaning). The perception of what constitutes a good looking guy is almost certainly not uniform enough to make a blanket statement about it. Also, you are more than just your intelligence and your looks. Unless I am very mistaken about solipsism or you're a very well programmed A.I., you are presumably a human with nuances, quirks and other aspects of your personality. Some of these may be perceived as positive and some may be perceived as negative.
15 Oct 2014, 6:17 pm
rainydaykid wrote:
The_Postmaster wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
The definition of "great guy" is necessarily subjective. Obviously, you fit your own criteria. Trouble is you might not fit others'. The behavior of women is only strange and illogical if we accept the premise that your own preferences are necessarily the correct ones.
So women don't like intelligent, good looking guys? I used to do modeling before I went to college.
There are a lot of factors when it comes to integrating but there's also your attitude.
Step outside of yourself and think for a moment what you are saying. You are saying that because you perceive yourself as good looking and intelligent, beautiful women should fall to you and be the pinnacle of your desires.
Attraction and relationships are a two way street and the most important aspect is communication, sharing chemistry and that connection...
You can not love a masterpiece if you feel no connection towards it or if it doesn't communicate with your emotions and feelings..
Sweetleaf
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15 Oct 2014, 8:26 pm
rainydaykid wrote:
So women don't like intelligent, good looking guys? I used to do modeling before I went to college.
Good looking is kind of subjective though, as for intelligent I prefer guys I can have an intresting conversation with who are rather intelligent but I don't expect a college degree or anything. What I find good looking probably is not what most females my age find good looking so just too subjective.
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Last edited by Sweetleaf on 16 Oct 2014, 11:41 am, edited 3 times in total.
15 Oct 2014, 9:19 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
The_Postmaster wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
The definition of "great guy" is necessarily subjective. Obviously, you fit your own criteria. Trouble is you might not fit others'. The behavior of women is only strange and illogical if we accept the premise that your own preferences are necessarily the correct ones.
So women don't like intelligent, good looking guys? I used to do modeling before I went to college.
Good looking is kind of subjective though, as for intelligent I prefer guys I can have an intresting conversation with who are rather intelligent but I don't expect a college degree or anything. What I find good looking probably is not what most females my age find good looking so just too subjective.
A sense of over-entitlement can be sensed from ten feet away -- total turnoff.
16 Oct 2014, 3:33 am
Jjancee wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
The_Postmaster wrote:
rainydaykid wrote:
Klowglas wrote:
I think It comes with this website's territory. You are simply going to get a whole bunch of males who are unable to pick up on social cues and whom are unable to read a woman's subtle language (something that even normal people have trouble picking up on). Being deaf to this language will mean failure forming interpersonal relationships with women, and then having this drawn on over the years will mean that - A LOT - of grief is going to form. At this point the best thing such a person can do is to try and prevent resentment from forming, accepting that somethings are just not quite possible to reach, and then letting go of the thought of another person coming into your life... all of which takes a tremendous amount of character and sacrifice.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
That resentment is what is sometimes espoused in these forums, which is very typical for such a long streak of failure. Having been in that position myself, I perfectly understand where it all comes from, because hateful language becomes VERY seductive at the point of total desolation. Dragging a heavy heart through mud and turmoil through the years is ripe breeding grounds for resentment. One rejection is easy, but it's that streak + time that forms the mathematical formula that would make just about anyone bitter.
I think this is very true in a way. I am in college to be a chemist, I am very good looking and intelligent, but I have difficulty getting dates sometimes. It is hard not to be angry and resentful when women say they want a great guy, but they just walk past you every day and continue to date ugly guys with no personality.
I do find that incredibly strange and illogical, which is why it is irritating. As a scientist, I am used to being governed by logic over anything else. I have had a girlfriend in the past, it didn't work out, but we are still hanging out occasionally, because we both had deep feelings for each other.
The definition of "great guy" is necessarily subjective. Obviously, you fit your own criteria. Trouble is you might not fit others'. The behavior of women is only strange and illogical if we accept the premise that your own preferences are necessarily the correct ones.
So women don't like intelligent, good looking guys? I used to do modeling before I went to college.
Good looking is kind of subjective though, as for intelligent I prefer guys I can have an intresting conversation with who are rather intelligent but I don't expect a college degree or anything. What I find good looking probably is not what most females my age find good looking so just too subjective.
A sense of over-entitlement can be sensed from ten feet away -- total turnoff.
WTF are you on about?
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Sweetleaf
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Age: 34
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16 Oct 2014, 11:36 am
Jjancee wrote:
sweetleaf wrote:
Good looking is kind of subjective though, as for intelligent I prefer guys I can have an intresting conversation with who are rather intelligent but I don't expect a college degree or anything. What I find good looking probably is not what most females my age find good looking so just too subjective.
A sense of over-entitlement can be sensed from ten feet away -- total turnoff.
Not sure how that response relates to my post or what i was responding to....but yes I could see that certainly being a turn off for people.
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