Fear I will never get girlfriend

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Einschmidt
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16 Oct 2014, 8:07 pm

I've been on okcupid for a long time and sent over 800 messages but have only got 3 dates so far. I don't get why people only respond like 1% of the time. I feel really bad about not being able to get one. It's like if there was some really cool club everyone else you know is allowed in except you, and you aren't barred from it due to anything you did but just at random :cry:


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Stargazer43
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16 Oct 2014, 8:32 pm

If you're getting that low of a response rate, then I would suggest either revising your profile, updating your pictures, changing the type of people you are messaging, or changing what you are saying in your messages. Obviously something that you're doing isn't working, so the key is figuring out what that is (and honestly, it is probably a multitude of factors) and working towards a solution. When I first started out with online dating, I had a pretty terrible profile but I still had like a 25% response rate to messages, largely because I was selective in who I messaged and managed to say interesting things. I'd be more than happy to give input/suggestions on your profile if you're comfortable sharing it.

The key thing to keep in mind with dating, in my opinion, is that you have to give people a reason to want to get to know you. For me, I do that mostly by trying to keep my life interesting/varied by participating in a variety of activities that I enjoy.



Einschmidt
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16 Oct 2014, 9:16 pm

http://www.okcupid.com/profile


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Stargazer43
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16 Oct 2014, 9:39 pm

Einschmidt wrote:
http://www.okcupid.com/profile


That link doesn't actually lead anywhere - just to the main okcupid page.



Einschmidt
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16 Oct 2014, 10:35 pm

does this work? https://www.okcupid.com/profile/Pnate?cf=search_overlay also can you post an example of a succesful message


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yellowtamarin
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16 Oct 2014, 10:57 pm

I don't get much of a sense of your personality from your profile. I reckon it needs some pizzazz and uniqueness.



qFox
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16 Oct 2014, 11:03 pm

Your personal summary reads like a series of statements. It doesn't give a good first impression because that is the first thing people will read.

Try to avoid things like "I am this..., I am that..., I like this..." and try to make it a little story that invites people to read further.

If you do that you have already made a big improvement!



yellowtamarin
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16 Oct 2014, 11:11 pm

Yes, show, don't tell, wherever you can. Not just for a profile but for good writing in general, don't start each sentence with the same word (in this case "I"). Of course, it is supposed to be about you, but there are different ways to let people know who you are other than simply stating qualities with no extra substance included.



Einschmidt
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17 Oct 2014, 12:10 am

Can anyone help me rewrite it im not that good at writing


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Einschmidt
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17 Oct 2014, 10:09 am

anyone?


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Andreger
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17 Oct 2014, 11:05 am

Einschmidt wrote:
anyone?


Not me anyway - they ignore my as well.



WantToHaveALife
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17 Oct 2014, 11:13 am

sometimes I feel this way, I just gotta keep thinking positive and be thankful for what I have instead of what I don't have



Einschmidt
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17 Oct 2014, 5:04 pm

I mean can someone help me rewrite profile?


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Stargazer43
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17 Oct 2014, 5:16 pm

Here are some of my thoughts:

1.) I would get rid of all your pictures except for one of the outdoor ones. The two outdoor pictures are great, but I'd only keep one because they're both basically identical. The rest are all basically indoors in front of a white wall, and the eye picture is honestly a bit scary looking! Try to take pictures in a more interesting setting, ideally doing something you enjoy and having fun.

2.) Like others have said, your profile says next to nothing about you. You basically describe yourself like every other person in the world describes themselves - there is nothing unique in your profile to make you stand out, and one of the major parts of dating is making yourself stand out. I'm not going to write your profile for you, because then it would be my profile, not yours! But I can give you a few hints and you can do what you will with them:

-You're passionate about human rights - describe a specific situation you're passionate about. If there is a specific human rights issue that motivated you to go into the field, then that's a perfect thing to talk about!

-You like animals - do you have any pets? Talk about how many you have and what they're like.

-Expand upon all of the other information in your profile in a similar fashion.

3.) You have that you are looking for casual sex on your profile - unless that really is one of your main goals on the site, I would highly recommend removing it.



yellowtamarin
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17 Oct 2014, 7:24 pm

Ooh nice pickup on the casual sex thing, yes get rid of it. You'll be driving potential girlfriends away in droves with that there.

I won't help you rewrite your profile because a) it has to be your words, b) I'm a female, and c) I'm a female whose profile does not attract lots of creepy messages and the like so it's clearly quite different to the norm. You'd end up with something unique but probably get less attention from the general population than before.



Einschmidt
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17 Oct 2014, 10:26 pm

The reason I put the eye picture is someone said my eyes are my best part, tho I guess it is kind of weird


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