Is a career required for a relationship?

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sly279
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19 Oct 2014, 2:36 am

to RetroGamer87.

I don't come from a rich or middle class family, yet my mom raised me and my two siblings, my grand parents raised their 4 kids.
my poor friend is raising his 5 kids, and another one of my friends has 3 kids. you don't have to be middle class to have a family. millions of people do without it and have kids. you only need the money to pay for expensive schooling, clothes and daycare so you can work the job to afford daycare. lol not to say it doesn't help and then you can buy your kids ipads and stuff. I didn't have things like that growing up and I did fine. perhaps its why I'm not so materialistic as others from my generation and the ones in the next.


I don't beleive in mixing work/clubs etc with dating and friendships. the resulting possible drama can leak back into the work place or club. also clubs. o.O. yeah there were clubs in highschool, but as an adult i look around and see non. theres no club sign up board. people just seem to meet find out they have similar interests and then start meeting up to do those together. maybe its different elsewhere.

whats a esplanade?
I lived in a house that was built for a military base in the 50s then bought moved along with the others to a new area. the pips were made from cardboard. it was a real dump. now i live in an area that is mix old cheap houses and super nice wealthy people houses. its where a lot of the wealthier people move to. I see expensive 500k cars at the highschool sometimes. then we also have the gated communities.

I first started in the major of cooking, then changed to teaching then to mechanics. I have nothing to show for it all but a degree. its quite different here though . we have 70 year old people going to college for the first time. and every age from 15-80ish .
weather its people coming to learn tech or to get another job field. I can't tell you what to do I don't know how aid works there, but here one can go to school full time and live off the aid money alone depending on how much money you or your parents make. I just caution cause I don't want you to miss the chance like I did.



RetroGamer87
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19 Oct 2014, 5:16 am

sly279 wrote:
you don't have to be middle class to have a family.

I guess not but some women seem to think so. Or more accurately some women realize that it's possible to raise a family while poor but undesirable. For women who want to raise a family, they don't think of which situation that would be possible in, they think of which situation that would ideal in.

As for myself, I want to be middle class and not have a family. That way I could have copious quantities of disposable income for spending and investing.
sly279 wrote:
there were clubs in highschool, but as an adult i look around and see non.

I'm pretty sure there are non-school clubs for adults.
sly279 wrote:
theres no club sign up board.

They have one of those on Facebook.

The only problem is guys like me and possibly you find it hard to ask girls out in meatspace. I see some girl I like and I think "is she single? does she want to not be single?", etc. It's hard to tell. What's worse is when I finally do get a date I usually find some way to foul it up anyway (it's complicated).
sly279 wrote:
whats a esplanade?

That's what you call a street that runs next to the beach (where rich people life).
sly279 wrote:
I see expensive 500k cars at the highschool sometimes.

Geez, I never saw any of those in school.
sly279 wrote:
I just caution cause I don't want you to miss the chance like I did.

Wait, how do you mean? Am I running into a trap?


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886
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19 Oct 2014, 6:29 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
A possibility I've considered. I could get money and a title yet still have poor dating skills.
So far I've never been able to get a second date with the same girl :(


I've had a job and a car since I was 17, and a career since I was 21, and it's helped me zero. And I've seen my cousin and sister date men with a not so promising career in the hip hop history, and another working odd jobs under the table because his extensive criminal record won't get him a job.

Point being, having a job and a car doesn't really matter like you'd think, it really boils down to social skills and confidence, which personally, I have neither one.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Oct 2014, 9:33 am

^ Yes, they matter but are no guarantees.
Lacking social skills mean that you even need those even more than others, otherwise you be seen failure in everything.



elkclan
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19 Oct 2014, 12:45 pm

If I have one regret - it's that saying and meaning that these things don't matter to me. I selected poorly partly because of this. I wouldn't make the same mistake again.



WantToHaveALife
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19 Oct 2014, 3:29 pm

since i'm interested in casual dating, I don't think my income would matter so much



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19 Oct 2014, 3:42 pm

SpirosD wrote:
A man having a career is very important for women, because for them it represents a sense of security. I'm going to sound like someone misogynistic but a man with a career is on the same spectrum has a man with lots of money, the same gold digger spectrum. You can have a very good looking man, who plays guitar in clubs during the week-end and who works at a bar or who waits tables during the week, and an average looking man who is lets say a lawyer, women when they are young will go for the first man, because there is a sense of adventure, but around 25-26 they will go for the bald average looking lawyer because that is security for them.
I also notice some profession appeal more to women, for example if you have a career in arts (like you work in films) will get you less girls than if you work in a more regular profession with regular office hours.


I am 25 and quite certain I wont be going for that by the time I am 26, I like long hair and as a rule they'd probably prove to be more intresting than say a lawyer or something and how many people in a field like that are going to want to go out with someone like me so luckily that is not what I am attracted to anyways.....and think I'd still prefer the first example...I also disagree with the second paragraph, I would not prefer someone with a regular profession but I more care about the person not what they do at work unless its something really unethical and screwed up.

But I suppose what you say might apply to a lot of females.


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sly279
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19 Oct 2014, 5:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
you don't have to be middle class to have a family.

I guess not but some women seem to think so. Or more accurately some women realize that it's possible to raise a family while poor but undesirable. For women who want to raise a family, they don't think of which situation that would be possible in, they think of which situation that would ideal in.

As for myself, I want to be middle class and not have a family. That way I could have copious quantities of disposable income for spending and investing.

this doesn't make it right though. but yeah a lot of them won't consider guys like me cause thise. which is why its so hopeless.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
there were clubs in highschool, but as an adult i look around and see non.

I'm pretty sure there are non-school clubs for adults.

maybe over there in in the uk. but the us doesn't seem to do clubs. theres meetup.com but its really lacking in my area for a non book reading non athletic guy.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
theres no club sign up board.

They have one of those on Facebook.

The only problem is guys like me and possibly you find it hard to ask girls out in meatspace. I see some girl I like and I think "is she single? does she want to not be single?", etc. It's hard to tell. What's worse is when I finally do get a date I usually find some way to foul it up anyway (it's complicated).

where? groups? i've joined a few gun/prepper along with a gaming group but its just people posting links and stuff. and most women there are married, plus facebook isn't really for trying to met women. they tend to find it creepy if guys randomly message them.
yeah theres not enough data to make a risk/benifit decision. I also have no idea what to talk about with them. this is why i do online dating. you get a lot of info about them along with talking points. and you know they are single so you won't get slapped or attacked by a bf.

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I see expensive 500k cars at the highschool sometimes.

Geez, I never saw any of those in school.

its a rich ish area. they also have their graduation paid for by parents to have at the concert hall in town. my highschool is dirt poor so just has it on the football field, which we share with the rich school cause they too cheap to pay for one lol

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
I just caution cause I don't want you to miss the chance like I did.

Wait, how do you mean? Am I running into a trap?


depends. I honestly though i'd get out and get a good job as a mechanic, only started to realize i would't a year into the program. if i'd gone in visted a shop or something before hand i could probably saved my time and money. now i'll spend the rest of my life paying off a degree i don't use.



sly279
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19 Oct 2014, 5:11 pm

886 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
A possibility I've considered. I could get money and a title yet still have poor dating skills.
So far I've never been able to get a second date with the same girl :(


I've had a job and a car since I was 17, and a career since I was 21, and it's helped me zero. And I've seen my cousin and sister date men with a not so promising career in the hip hop history, and another working odd jobs under the table because his extensive criminal record won't get him a job.

Point being, having a job and a car doesn't really matter like you'd think, it really boils down to social skills and confidence, which personally, I have neither one.


yeah its not a guarantee but for most women its viewed as bad it feels. but yeah we all know women who date questionable men this doesn't mean that all women will date such men.
if 95% won't date fat guys and you say well 5% will date fat guys so 5 out of a hundred fat guys can get dates, but the other 95 won't.
just made up numbers but my point is just cause a few women will date guys with ______ doesn't mean all guys with ______ will get gfs.
then add into that we as aspies suck at social stuff. where most of the guys who have no jobs and get girls are really good socially. my friend and uncle are good examples. they are as*holes and jobless, but they are super good at being social and wooing girls so it bypasses the jobless . this doesn't work for all. so as boo said if you can't woo women and lack at social stuff and have no job you are screwed. if i was good socially i'm sure i could just go to bars and try to meet women, but i can't so i go to online dating. where they demand you have a decent job, car and own place before you can message them. its super frustrating.



Jono
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19 Oct 2014, 5:38 pm

elkclan wrote:
If I have one regret - it's that saying and meaning that these things don't matter to me. I selected poorly partly because of this. I wouldn't make the same mistake again.


That your husband didn't have a career? I recall you saying that you won't divorce him because you're financially dependant on him.



WantToHaveALife
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22 Oct 2014, 6:55 pm

women wanting to settle down, get married and start a family then definetley yes



Jjancee
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23 Oct 2014, 9:22 pm

sly279 wrote:
Jjancee wrote:

Yes, OF COURSE, having a career is helpful when you're an adult looking for a relationship. If you aren't gainfully employed, how can you afford a place to live, transportation, etc?

Assuming you ARE gainfully employed and managing living on your own (ie not with mommy or daddy), the type of career you have isn't that important. Working as a janitor, cook, garbage pick up person (which is a unionized job that pays upwards of $35/hr where I live!) or police officer COUNTS as a career. Plenty of fast food cooks, janitors, etc are happily married or in relationships!

(If you don't believe me, look at the wedding / engagement announcements in your local paper. Is every man a supermodel or high-powered lawyer? Or are there plenty of happily coupled guys with normal, everyday jobs?).

If you get nervous and squirrely if a girl you're on a date with asks what you do for work and you bumble the answer or come off as embarrassed / ashamed of how you earn a living THAT (embarrassment / shame) is probably the HUGE turnoff for women. Not the fact that your career may be considered "unglam".


i didn't mumble it I am straight forward and honest with things I say. simply put they want a guy working an office job making over 22 an hour. a person working cashier/janitor/fastfood, is working "jobs meant for high school kids" I read and see this that and how i should quit cause its meant for kids not adults. so every adult should have a 22 or more an hour paying job, but reality is there just isn't a high paying job for every adult. and not enough kids to take the low paying jobs.

having a career seems to only matter to women, most guys could care less what kind of job a woman has a long as she can provide for herself, why is it that a career matters so much to women. o.O

how is a mom/dad different then say a random stranger as a roommate? i know most my friends ended up renting places together with family like me.

my local paper hardly has wedding announcements, and the ones it has had no pictures or information besides names and where and when its happening. which i totally understand why would you want a whole town of strange people knowing your personal info.

what do you consider gainfully employed ?


Living with roommates differs from living with mom/dad because you are:
1) earning enough money to not live with mom/dad, ie to cover first/last month deposit, monthly rent, your share of the bills, etc.
2) you have the skills to take care of yourself, ie manage money, clean the bathroom, cook for yourself, demonstrate your social skills are such that folks who are NOT obligated to put up with you CHOOSE to do so, etc. (mom/dad are required to feed/clothe/house you if you're under 18, no matter how obnoxious/filthy/PITA you are; roomies are not obligated to do so.

I consider an adult to be gainfully employed if they earn enough to support themselves, save a little for the future, live independently (not with mom/dad) and have a life. There's no exact income threshold to do that.



AlexanderDantes
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24 Oct 2014, 2:02 am

Yes, men without jobs or high paying jobs attract women at bars but they have the social skills and understand the processes.

The internet attracts people that target people with money but you have to ask yourself two questions.

1. Why are attractive girls on dating sites?
2. Why are they always single?

Sometimes it isn't because they struggle in social situations but because they have unrealistic expectations placed on the opposite sex. Online dating is superficial when compared with real life but real life interactions judge you by your body language and social skills so online dating is the only way for some of us.

Now days there are more female graduates than there are male graduates. The academic minority of male gender that have remarkable earning power are taken off market by pretty women and prettily smart women. That leaves other smart women looking for their ideal matches of non existent in the dating market within the Anglo sphere.

In a sense, they are searching for a man that doesn't exist because of feminism.



sly279
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24 Oct 2014, 2:17 am

Jjancee wrote:
Living with roommates differs from living with mom/dad because you are:
1) earning enough money to not live with mom/dad, ie to cover first/last month deposit, monthly rent, your share of the bills, etc.
2) you have the skills to take care of yourself, ie manage money, clean the bathroom, cook for yourself, demonstrate your social skills are such that folks who are NOT obligated to put up with you CHOOSE to do so, etc. (mom/dad are required to feed/clothe/house you if you're under 18, no matter how obnoxious/filthy/PITA you are; roomies are not obligated to do so.

I consider an adult to be gainfully employed if they earn enough to support themselves, save a little for the future, live independently (not with mom/dad) and have a life. There's no exact income threshold to do that.


1. I pay half the bills. mom pays other half, sister pays 100 a month to my mom. we are more like roomates then family which creates trouble sometimes.
2. my mom hasn't done any of that except cleaning the bathroom. well we use to split cooking between the 3 of us, but now its mostly me who has to cook most of the meals. I should probably clean more but i take a more preactive view to cleaning, so i hate having to clean up after them when they let it get bad. I'd rather was my dishes each time for example then stack them up. its a dream of mine to live on my own and only own two plates/cups/bowls/etc. one to use and one as a back up.

idk my friend lived with me and I had to pay for most his food and drinks and other s**t. cause I cared for him and didn't want him to starve i imagine most roommates would feel this way after living together for so long.

i just don't see how men and bob living together splitting the bills is different then me and mom living together splitting the bills. together then my mom is far less likely to kill me while i sleep then stranger bob is.

I had managed to save funds, which I'm slowly burning thru why looking for full time work, though its mostly cause i'm cheap never having had much money growing up so I try to save all i can by not going out, not eating fast food, not going to expensive shows etc. i'd rather save for things I enjoy more anyways.

just proves that i'm worthless no matter what I do. oh death where art thou. though living is nice, but I just seem to be wasting oxygen.



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24 Oct 2014, 2:51 am

sly279 wrote:
Jjancee wrote:
Living with roommates differs from living with mom/dad because you are:
1) earning enough money to not live with mom/dad, ie to cover first/last month deposit, monthly rent, your share of the bills, etc.
2) you have the skills to take care of yourself, ie manage money, clean the bathroom, cook for yourself, demonstrate your social skills are such that folks who are NOT obligated to put up with you CHOOSE to do so, etc. (mom/dad are required to feed/clothe/house you if you're under 18, no matter how obnoxious/filthy/PITA you are; roomies are not obligated to do so.

I consider an adult to be gainfully employed if they earn enough to support themselves, save a little for the future, live independently (not with mom/dad) and have a life. There's no exact income threshold to do that.


1. I pay half the bills. mom pays other half, sister pays 100 a month to my mom. we are more like roomates then family which creates trouble sometimes.
2. my mom hasn't done any of that except cleaning the bathroom. well we use to split cooking between the 3 of us, but now its mostly me who has to cook most of the meals. I should probably clean more but i take a more preactive view to cleaning, so i hate having to clean up after them when they let it get bad. I'd rather was my dishes each time for example then stack them up. its a dream of mine to live on my own and only own two plates/cups/bowls/etc. one to use and one as a back up.

idk my friend lived with me and I had to pay for most his food and drinks and other s**t. cause I cared for him and didn't want him to starve i imagine most roommates would feel this way after living together for so long.

i just don't see how men and bob living together splitting the bills is different then me and mom living together splitting the bills. together then my mom is far less likely to kill me while i sleep then stranger bob is.

I had managed to save funds, which I'm slowly burning thru why looking for full time work, though its mostly cause i'm cheap never having had much money growing up so I try to save all i can by not going out, not eating fast food, not going to expensive shows etc. i'd rather save for things I enjoy more anyways.

just proves that i'm worthless no matter what I do. oh death where art thou. though living is nice, but I just seem to be wasting oxygen.


You are only in your early twenties, there's still plenty of time to achieve what you want.

People are going to struggle more and more with finding work in a world with an alarmingly increasing population. Power and finances can be illusory in today's society, people can have expensive cars on finance despite being in debt. Maybe you would be better starting your own entrepreneurial business with your mechanical skills?



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24 Oct 2014, 6:51 am

Jjancee wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Jjancee wrote:


I consider an adult to be gainfully employed if they earn enough to support themselves, save a little for the future, live independently (not with mom/dad) and have a life. There's no exact income threshold to do that.



Haha, no income threshold to afford that? are you serious or you're just living in the past/under a rock? How old are you? You sound like those oldies who lecture on the youngsters how they lived independent at 18 without taking into consideration how the world economy is 10x times worse than their days.

Tell that to guys who live in countries where horrible appartments in cities cost at least $200k with a very low GDP per capita; high education went up crazily too.

In my region, the only young and single ones I know who could live totally independently on their own, are the ones who have rich parents.

Living with roomates means renting with others, and rental burns your money without adding any asset property for you - so guys who plan to get married don't go that route because they need to save as much money as they can in order to buy a place.