Is a career required for a relationship?

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I'm 33 -- not an old fogey. My parents aren't wealthy, I haven't taken a dime from them in 15ish years and I've lived alone for the past 10 years. I have never and will NEVER date an adult male who has completed his education and still lives at home with his mommy/daddy.

In grad school, I lived LARGE on the princely sum of $850 (after tax) month stipend in a tiny Pennsylvania town from 2001-2003. I had a roomie and my share of the rent was $183/month. (I'd spent the previous 4 yrs as a broke undergrad living on $500/month in a HUGE, expensive city. My grad student stipend was the most money I'd ever earned!).

My first job out of grad school paid $82k, before bonus, in Houston, and I was barely 23. This was in 2004. I rented an apartment for a few years ($900/month), saved a down payment, eventually bought a house ($240k), which I have long since paid off. Big Oil pays the big bucks - and, yes, Houston is the armpit of America but does have high salaries and super-cheap cost of living going for it.

Someone asked the question if a guy needs a career to have a relationship and you just didn't like my HONEST answer.

(Many of the guys I've dates have earned less than me, which doesn't bother me in the least. I'm guessing that here in Houston, earning $40-45k would be adequate to meet the "earn enough to be a grownup" as I've chosen to define it. You just sound bitter that you've no relationship & find it convenient to blame it on your job vs your personality!)

Not everyone is living in places like Houstan and making over 80$ just out of school and buy a 240k house before 33; haven't you seen my calculations? An 850$ here would be a first salary for a graduate here, not for a student.

You sound like a pretentious one honestly. Tarantella?

You'll die alone, probably from ego explosion.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 25 Oct 2014, 2:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

Minimum wage is $7.25 in TX. A full-time, minimum wage job pays nearly $1200/mo.

I don't see it that way.

The healthier, wealthier, more educated & experienced I become myself the higher the bar is raised in terms of who I might consider dating or spending my life with. As it should be, IMO, if you have self respect/love enough to realize what you want & deserve in a partner. It's not arrogance.. it's being selective and for good reason.

I agree and I don't fault women for being choosey based on economic stability. Who wants to spend their time with someone who is broke and a mental basket case? Not me.

The original question was "is a career necessary to have a relationship?". The answer (for grownups) is obviously "yes". You don't need to be a millionaire, you do not need to be a millionaire or have a super-glam job but you do need to be in a position to have a life!

I disagree. For example, there are plenty of people on welfare who are in relationships with other people on welfare. I think a better answer is that people need to be at a similar socioeconomic status as one another. Or at least at x level if they want to date someone above them vs. the highly improbable scenario that someone who is unemployed, or unemployable, is going to have a relationship with someone with an established career that pays them decently. Jobs/careers help big time, but they're not necessarily required for people to have relationships.

Have you ever dated anybody on social assistance? Or unemployable?! I haven't (and, honestly, wouldn't). I have (and would again) date a guy who was unemployed, provided he was actively looking for work.

No, but I've never really truly dated. I've only had a sex life and some FWB's.

When I was unemployed/unemployable myself, I wouldn't have even considered dating anyone at all so as not to burden them with my bs. Now that I am employed and doing ok, I wouldn't consider dating someone who didn't have their s**t together.

But my point was that there are plenty of people who don't have their s**t together who are in relationships? with each other! They're at similar socioeconomic statuses and thus compatible with one another. Just because they don't have careers doesn't mean that they can't have a relationship - it's just unlikely that they will have a relationship with someone who has their career and life in order.

The "one looking for work" might end up to be unemployable as well, you know.

Hasn't happened to me yet. A guy with a decent education and a solid work history is rarely unemployed for long. (My last boyfriend who was unemployed was laid off when the oil company he worked for merged with another. He got a severance package and landed a new job at a different oil company within six weeks).

how did they meet. there isn't a SSI dating site. i've looked.

I don't know depends on the person and do they like music and cannabis?....though admittedly in order to have a serious relationship and like get a place eventually they'd at least have to have some sort of income to help since I can barely afford myself so couldn't pay for like both our needs ongoingly. But the way I see it we could be broke together, more fun than being broke alone I assume. But I am also on SSI so it would be really pretentious of me to expect 'professional career and high income' and don't even know I'd get along with someone like that as well enough for a relationship.

They should make one...at least I'd find it useful.

don't google SSI dating. came up with posts about how horrible we are and shouldn't be dated.
also stuff about dates and ssi lol

I think I'd find it useful too, but trolls would use it to attack us and it'd likely have to be a paid site do to low traffic. theres only 8 million people on ssi. various ages. I suspect me you and another might be the only ones our age and single on this half of the nation. wanna date

I highly doubt there is a woman my age who's single and also on ssi/ssdi. who lives in my city none the less my state.
still it'd be a nice site if done securely and right.

What's wrong with just a job rather than a full-blown career? Jobs also pay money.