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how is it possible for a shy aspie to get boyfriend?

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Jono
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20 Oct 2014, 3:35 am

Shebakoby wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
I also disagree with those, because I'm neither of those and I don't attract guys.


that list is geared to neurotypicals in mind, and in no way takes into account people on the spectrum.


And it's completely wrong, even for NT's. Maybe those things are important to some men but not all. Also, the guy who wrote that article is either an MRA or a pick-up artist, nobody else uses the word "mangina".



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Oct 2014, 3:42 am

What's a mangina?



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Oct 2014, 3:46 am

LaFemmeEnfant wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
According to this guy (http://www.freedomtwentyfive.com/2011/0 ... h-edition/) all you have to do is:


1. Don't be fat
2. Take care of yourself and your looks
3. Don't act like a man
4. Don't be a whore
5. Don't be a slut



I would apply the same demands towards the guys as well ,except no 3. cause I do not care whether guy is feminine or not.


Same here I guess.
A gold digger (he used 'whore') is a no in my books; and an overly promoscious girl (he used 'slut' for that) won't be compatible with a sexually inexperienced guy like me either; plus I would be worried of STDs. And yes, based on my observation and the little experience I have, sex addicts/nymphos are less likely to be loyal sexually in the long run.



Jono
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20 Oct 2014, 3:54 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What's a mangina?


Google it, and the guy used it in that article that Cafeaulait gave the address to. Also, being a gold digger is one thing but that guy is referring to women who expect the traditional expectations like a man paying for a date. I don't necessarily like that men always have to pay for dates either but it's social convention, so I've come to accept it. If a woman wants to pay, then that's great.



Jono
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20 Oct 2014, 3:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
LaFemmeEnfant wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
According to this guy (http://www.freedomtwentyfive.com/2011/0 ... h-edition/) all you have to do is:


1. Don't be fat
2. Take care of yourself and your looks
3. Don't act like a man
4. Don't be a whore
5. Don't be a slut



I would apply the same demands towards the guys as well ,except no 3. cause I do not care whether guy is feminine or not.


Same here I guess.
A gold digger (he used 'whore') is a no in my books; and an overly promoscious girl (he used 'slut' for that) won't be compatible with a sexually inexperienced guy like me either; plus I would be worried of STDs. And yes, based on my observation and the little experience I have, sex addicts/nymphos are less likely to be loyal sexually in the long run.


The STD problem can be solved easily, just get tested and get her tested. Also, as long as she was using protection, there's a low likelihood of her having an STD. The simple truth of the matter is that absolutely anyone that you date could have an STD (and they could even lie to about how many people they had slept with in the past), so getting screened for them should just be a matter of course.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Oct 2014, 4:11 am

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
What's a mangina?


Google it, and the guy used it in that article that Cafeaulait gave the address to. Also, being a gold digger is one thing but that guy is referring to women who expect the traditional expectations like a man paying for a date. I don't necessarily like that men always have to pay for dates either but it's social convention, so I've come to accept it. If a woman wants to pay, then that's great.


A social convention for few dates is one thing, expecting to be showered by dinners, gifts and vacation trips during the relationship is another thing.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Oct 2014, 4:15 am

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
LaFemmeEnfant wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
According to this guy (http://www.freedomtwentyfive.com/2011/0 ... h-edition/) all you have to do is:


1. Don't be fat
2. Take care of yourself and your looks
3. Don't act like a man
4. Don't be a whore
5. Don't be a slut



I would apply the same demands towards the guys as well ,except no 3. cause I do not care whether guy is feminine or not.


Same here I guess.
A gold digger (he used 'whore') is a no in my books; and an overly promoscious girl (he used 'slut' for that) won't be compatible with a sexually inexperienced guy like me either; plus I would be worried of STDs. And yes, based on my observation and the little experience I have, sex addicts/nymphos are less likely to be loyal sexually in the long run.


The STD problem can be solved easily, just get tested and get her tested. Also, as long as she was using protection, there's a low likelihood of her having an STD. The simple truth of the matter is that absolutely anyone that you date could have an STD (and they could even lie to about how many people they had slept with in the past), so getting screened for them should just be a matter of course.


This is silly over-simplificiation, you're a science guy Jono, you know better it's not always that simple nor all STDs can be detected quickly - and you should know that someone who's higlhy promoscious (ie. sleeping with several people every month) would certainly have a higher risk of STD.

And most would perceive that request as an insult anyway.



Cafeaulait
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20 Oct 2014, 4:23 am

He also mentions this, which I agree with:

2) Be Fun
This one?s hard to teach in just a blog post, but: Be sweet, feminine, charming, and interesting. Avoid sarcasm and bitterness, as they are the ultimate turnoffs. Read about and experience interesting things, so you can contribute to a conversation. Have dreams, and be actively pursuing them. Exude confidence and self-assurance, without taking yourself too seriously.

I know, I sound like a greeting card. Here?s a tip that?s practical and useful: Watch old movies, and study the behaviour of the female love interests. Also, limit your exposure to the influence of modern pop culture. When you must indulge, do so with your guard up, and be sure not to learn anything.



Jono
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20 Oct 2014, 6:13 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
LaFemmeEnfant wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
According to this guy (http://www.freedomtwentyfive.com/2011/0 ... h-edition/) all you have to do is:


1. Don't be fat
2. Take care of yourself and your looks
3. Don't act like a man
4. Don't be a whore
5. Don't be a slut



I would apply the same demands towards the guys as well ,except no 3. cause I do not care whether guy is feminine or not.


Same here I guess.
A gold digger (he used 'whore') is a no in my books; and an overly promoscious girl (he used 'slut' for that) won't be compatible with a sexually inexperienced guy like me either; plus I would be worried of STDs. And yes, based on my observation and the little experience I have, sex addicts/nymphos are less likely to be loyal sexually in the long run.


The STD problem can be solved easily, just get tested and get her tested. Also, as long as she was using protection, there's a low likelihood of her having an STD. The simple truth of the matter is that absolutely anyone that you date could have an STD (and they could even lie to about how many people they had slept with in the past), so getting screened for them should just be a matter of course.


This is silly over-simplificiation, you're a science guy Jono, you know better it's not always that simple nor all STDs can be detected quickly - and you should know that someone who's higlhy promoscious (ie. sleeping with several people every month) would certainly have a higher risk of STD.

And most would perceive that request as an insult anyway.


Of course I know that but if you get tested, then wait for about a few month's or so and then get tested again before attempting to get sexual, then you should be able to find out about most STD's. For example, HIV can't always be detected quickly because it has a 6 month incubation period but if you wait for that amount of time before being tested again, then you should find out whether or not they have it. Yes, I know that someone who's more promiscuous have a higher risk of getting an STD but the risk is still much lower if they're using protection. If they don't like the request, then you can offer to get tested yourself, along with them. Also, just asking them is unlikely to solve the problem because in all probability, they aren't going to tell the truth about how many people they had slept with previously, so getting screened for STD's is really your best option, that and using condoms.



Cafeaulait
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20 Oct 2014, 10:47 am

I don't use condoms in exclusive relationships. I always get tested and I make sure that I trust the person that he also regularly gets tested.



kraftiekortie
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20 Oct 2014, 10:50 am

Do you want to have a child some day, Café au lait?



Cafeaulait
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20 Oct 2014, 10:54 am

Maybe. Why? :D



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20 Oct 2014, 10:56 am

Just curious :D

I wish I had a kid, actually. I rather regret not having one.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Oct 2014, 11:18 am

Do you think you're still fertile, Kraftie?

I've read that "men stay fertile" is a myth, we do have a biological clock too.



AngelRho
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20 Oct 2014, 11:29 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Do you think you're still fertile, Kraftie?

I've read that "men stay fertile" is a myth, we do have a biological clock too.

It's only partly a myth from what I understand. You still make sperm, but age will affect motility among other male fertility factors. You also risk damage to DNA, same as with women and eggs. However, exactly how many crusty octogenarians are seriously vested in childbearing 20-year-olds? Maybe a few, but at 80 I'd still find it hawt to be dating someone 30 years younger. And for women between 50-60, depending on what shape I'm in by that point (75-80), I doubt post-menopausal women are really going to care that much, cougars notwithstanding. It's certainly not impossible for men to be fertile into old age.



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20 Oct 2014, 11:18 pm

Jono wrote:

Of course I know that but if you get tested, then wait for about a few month's or so and then get tested again before attempting to get sexual, then you should be able to find out about most STD's. For example, HIV can't always be detected quickly because it has a 6 month incubation period but if you wait for that amount of time before being tested again, then you should find out whether or not they have it. Yes, I know that someone who's more promiscuous have a higher risk of getting an STD but the risk is still much lower if they're using protection. If they don't like the request, then you can offer to get tested yourself, along with them. Also, just asking them is unlikely to solve the problem because in all probability, they aren't going to tell the truth about how many people they had slept with previously, so getting screened for STD's is really your best option, that and using condoms.


first that's expensive and painful(needles so many needles) my insucance only pays for it once a year.

2nd . what :S omg that going make me super worried again :( i waited like little over 3 months before I got tested and they said all clear. so now you say it wouldn't got picked up :S :S :S :S :S :S :S

no one told me this or i'd waited longer :"(
never going have sex again one time is already too damaging.

Edit.says 2-8 weeks (up to 2 months) after infection, most people will have enough antibodies to test positive
12 weeks (3 months) after infection, about 97% of people will have enough antibodies to test positive
so should i be safe ?