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Please help me I'm in a lot of pain.

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RightGalaxy
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23 Oct 2014, 8:58 am

You did everything you could do. Now, it's time for you to go and live your own life. Don't look back. If you're smart, you ought to stay away from relationships with the mentally ill because one of these days, you'll end up in jail, maimed or dead. Let her get the counseling she needs so she can live her life. You go ahead and live your own life apart from her. TRUST ME ON THIS!! !! I KNOW!! !!



RightGalaxy
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23 Oct 2014, 9:16 am

lightsandsounds wrote:
Thanks for all the replies everyone! I realised I had to let her go, it was hard to make a rational decision whilst I was still blinded by love. I promised to visit her one time at the hospital she's at and then I'll move on from there.


I don't think that the promise to visit was a good idea. You may have to consult the person who will give her therapy about your decision to visit. You're very young and you need to understand that a person should not have to "try" to love someone. That person should already be lovable enough to love. Symptoms of mental illness are not lovable characteristics. If you were already married to this girl for about 10 years and she had become ill, I could understand your involvement. Mental illness, cruelty, drugs and promiscuity are not lovable things. Are you in love with the idea of love? Try loving someone who is sane, gentle, drug-free, and who has a healthy sexual restraint.



RightGalaxy
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23 Oct 2014, 9:26 am

em_tsuj wrote:
Study borderline personality disorder so that you can make an educated decision about whether or not to stay. Also, don't take her behavior personally. It is something that is bigger than you and her. I know from being borderline and dating women who are borderline. It hurts like hell to love someone who is self-destructive and does hurtful things to you seemingly without provocation. However, it is not your fault. All you are doing is trying to love the person. If anything blame the people who abused her (I'm assuming she was abused as a child because most people develop BPD as a result of being abused).


My question is this? Loving someone isn't supposed to hurt! Why are you trying to love a person
who is self-destrucutive and does hurtful things to you without provocation? What kind of house of horrors did you grow up in? People who love or try to love sick people are SICK TOO!! !! The whole thing is sick!! Read AGAIN what you posted, "em_tsuj"! !! !! WAKE UP!! !! !



Jjancee
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23 Oct 2014, 8:53 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
em_tsuj wrote:
Study borderline personality disorder so that you can make an educated decision about whether or not to stay. Also, don't take her behavior personally. It is something that is bigger than you and her. I know from being borderline and dating women who are borderline. It hurts like hell to love someone who is self-destructive and does hurtful things to you seemingly without provocation. However, it is not your fault. All you are doing is trying to love the person. If anything blame the people who abused her (I'm assuming she was abused as a child because most people develop BPD as a result of being abused).


My question is this? Loving someone isn't supposed to hurt! Why are you trying to love a person
who is self-destrucutive and does hurtful things to you without provocation? What kind of house of horrors did you grow up in? People who love or try to love sick people are SICK TOO!! !! The whole thing is sick!! Read AGAIN what you posted, "em_tsuj"! !! !! WAKE UP!! !! !


You are in pain -- it sucks, but there's no possibility of a healthy relationship with this particular girl. Ever.

So grieve. Don't contact her or return her calls/messages. It'll only prolong the pain if you keep in touch!



em_tsuj
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23 Oct 2014, 9:10 pm

lightsandsounds wrote:
Thanks for all the replies everyone! I realised I had to let her go, it was hard to make a rational decision whilst I was still blinded by love. I promised to visit her one time at the hospital she's at and then I'll move on from there.


If you are trying to detach from her emotionally, actually going to see her might work against you. You might have more success going cold turkey.



lightsandsounds
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25 Oct 2014, 9:34 am

Yes, it can and certainly will be damaging to me. But I want to speak to her therapist to say the things that she wouldn't be able to say, or the things she would otherwise surpress and never talk about. It's just one trip and I hope that it will have an impact on her recovery, because I know that borderlines can be helped. I don't want to only think about myself, because she needs people to help her. I have to be strong enough for that. I know I can't start a relationship with her again and I won't.



em_tsuj
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25 Oct 2014, 11:54 am

lightsandsounds wrote:
Yes, it can and certainly will be damaging to me. But I want to speak to her therapist to say the things that she wouldn't be able to say, or the things she would otherwise surpress and never talk about. It's just one trip and I hope that it will have an impact on her recovery, because I know that borderlines can be helped. I don't want to only think about myself, because she needs people to help her. I have to be strong enough for that. I know I can't start a relationship with her again and I won't.


I understand. I wish you well.