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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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 Posted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 2:48 pm Post subject: |
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I just grit my teeth nowadays. If I say I'm busy, TM just gets upset. So I shift gears mentally, and let go of whatever I'm reading, and go to see the lovebird hanging upside down...
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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thistledown
Hummingbird
Joined: Jul 08, 2006
Posts: 24
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:53 pm Post subject: hard to be married |
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| I find it hard to be married. This is my second marriage (first husband was violent so had to divorce him for my safety). I've been married three years now and my husband constantly misunderstands me. When I say something, he reads all kinds of other stuff into it ("so are you saying such and such") when what I meant is what I said, nothing else. He also complains that I'm not affectionate, don't use terms of endearment and all that sort of blather but whenever I try it, he said I sound like a robot or a parrot and says I don't really mean it. So how am I supposed to please him? Sometimes it makes me nervous to be around him because I'm afraid I'll look wrong and he'll think something is wrong or that I'm mad or something and I don't know how I'm supposed to look. It's frustrating because I feel I'm doing my job as a wife (paying a lot of bills, keeping house more or less clean, etc.) but he's always getting annoyed at me because of all this vague stuff that I have no control over. Does anyone else have that problem with their NT spouse? |
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Starr
Celestial Kittay!
Joined: Sep 18, 2006
Posts: 4065
Location: Deep space
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 4:29 pm Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | my husband constantly misunderstands me. When I say something, he reads all kinds of other stuff into it ("so are you saying such and such") |
Yes, I understand exactly what you mean by this thistledown. This single thing causes the most friction between myself and my NT husband. I get hurt and annoyed that after 13 years of marriage he still doesn't understand that I say exactly what I mean.
Hubs -"you said x so you must really mean y"
Me - "No, I meant exactly what I said!"
I don't understand why people can't just say simply what they mean. When I say that I am accused of being naive...*sigh*. You're right, sometimes it's not easy being married.
And I do think NTs in general have a tendency to make communications overcomplicated.
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Chasing shadows,
just a dreamer am I
hoping I'll find a rainbow
when the shadows roll by. |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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TM will ask me something like "is this necklace pretty?" I know how to approach this now, but I used to get in trouble all the time with such questions. I can't just answer "oh quite luvly", oh no, I have to admire it's color, and comment on how well it will go along with her dresses, admire it's handiwork, and then compliment on not spending too much on it. I don't mind it, she's my one and only, and if I have to oooh and ahhh over jewelry and clothing, it's worth it.
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Starr
Celestial Kittay!
Joined: Sep 18, 2006
Posts: 4065
Location: Deep space
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 3:15 am Post subject: |
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Well, I can understand where your missus is coming from with this one Prof.
We like our hubbies to show full interest in what we're talking about, a blanket 'oh yes, that's nice' from behind a newpaper just won't do, lol. I'm not suggesting you do that, but some men do.  Only your complete attention will do! 
_________________
Chasing shadows,
just a dreamer am I
hoping I'll find a rainbow
when the shadows roll by. |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 2:59 pm Post subject: |
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I'd never do that ... It's just that there's this moment when she asks me something, and I have an internal panic attack of "what the bloody hell am I going to say that will sound authentic?" I'm mentally rummaging around in a thesarus trying to come up with the right words ....
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:39 am Post subject: |
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| Prof_Pretorius wrote: | | I'd never do that ... It's just that there's this moment when she asks me something, and I have an internal panic attack of "what the bloody hell am I going to say that will sound authentic?" I'm mentally rummaging around in a thesarus trying to come up with the right words .... |
She shouldn't be so bossy.
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Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 12:08 pm Post subject: |
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Well, Pandora, it's not really 'bossy'. It's more like she wants to know that I'm paying attention and all that. She wants to hear me comment in at least three differnt statements. If I stop at one or two, she'll ask again. We've been married 17 years, so I guess she's internally worried that I don't really look at her anymore.
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:11 am Post subject: |
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| Prof_Pretorius wrote: | | Well, Pandora, it's not really 'bossy'. It's more like she wants to know that I'm paying attention and all that. She wants to hear me comment in at least three differnt statements. If I stop at one or two, she'll ask again. We've been married 17 years, so I guess she's internally worried that I don't really look at her anymore. |
But I can't see why one statement is so wrong. It's still much better than most women get after 17 years' marriage.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Tue Jul 31, 2007 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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Pandora, I guess that's why two ASpies could have a good marriage. We'd understand each other just a little better...
She's NT, but I love her !!!
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 6:00 am Post subject: |
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| Prof_Pretorius wrote: | Pandora, I guess that's why two ASpies could have a good marriage. We'd understand each other just a little better...
She's NT, but I love her !!! |
I suppose I'm just not very soppy. Well, in some ways I am - I cry when I see things on TV about kids or animals being hurt or people bashed up; but I don't care if nobody buys flowers (would prefer a nice potted plant that would last instead) or spends a lot of money on me (it would be embarrassing) or similar things.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Thu Aug 02, 2007 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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Funny you should say 'soppy'. We were watching the telly, and they had a sad story about some people who died what with all this flooding and whatnot. She gets all weepy, and I'm holding her, and she wants me to get all weepy. Sorry, but if I start crying, there's a very good chance of it leading to a full blown meltdown. She sometimes gets upset that I don't cry over stuff...
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 8:54 am Post subject: |
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I used to get annoyed with mum when we saw something sad and she didn't get as upset over it as I did. She could be on the AS herself. She says the first day she went to boarding school at 13, she couldn't understand why many of the other girls were crying because they were homesick. She said she couldn't wait to get away from home.
She has often said she hates emotional displays and that I was too much of a drama queen. It's weird because in some ways I dislike soppiness but in other ways, I am a real crybaby.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon |
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 50
Posts: 4231
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 4:57 pm Post subject: |
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I think the last time I cried was when I heard the news regarding those old folks who were abandoned in the Katrina diaster, and all died in that nursing home. I'd been under a lot of stress, going to work every day with an awful sinus infection, and pounding headaches. When I heard that on the radio, I broke down and started sobbing in me car.
(Not that I know anyone in Lousiana USA, mind you, it was just the awful mental picture of old people being abandoned to drown.)
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I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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Pandora
Cat Lady
Joined: Jun 18, 2005
Age: 47
Posts: 4684
Location: Townsville
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 9:54 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, I agree. I got a really sick feeling about those people in the old people's home and also couldn't understand how the evacuation of New Orleans was botched so badly and I felt like crying. Ditto with 9/11 and more recently, the Boxing Day Tsunamis.
When my second daughter was about 6 months old, there was a news item about the Kurds in Iraq. A baby girl had died of cold or illness but didn't look dead. She could have been an identical twin in appearance to my own baby girl. The mother was trying to throw herself into the grave with her baby and I just cried and cried. Even now, years later, I still get upset about it.
_________________
Break out you Western girls,
Someday soon you're gonna rule the world.
Break out you Western girls,
Hold your heads up high.
"Western Girls" - Dragon |
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