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KateShroud
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 02, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 1387
Location: Austin, Texas, United States, north America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy
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 Posted: Tue Jun 03, 2008 3:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Thanks for the advice, Outlander. For anyone else reading this, he is not purposely being insulting. He is simply reading me the same way he's learned to read everyone else, and it's not working. He's older than me, and he's a manager where he works. He does okay socially. He's just not a people person. I know he has some odd traits, but I don't think they add up to Aspergers. As for bullying in high school, he WAS a bully and also a defender of the autistic or disabled kids who were targets, if that makes sense. I think he's just an autie magnet. We're doing research on AS and therapy together. |
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sartresue
Radical Aspergian
Joined: Dec 19, 2007
Posts: 4601
Location: The Castle of Shock and Awe-tism
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| Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 12:45 pm Post subject: The married Aspie thread |
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Loathe and Marriage topic
I am jsut so glad I am not married anymore! 
_________________
Radical Aspergian
Awe-Tistic Whirlwind
Phuture Phounder of the Philosophy Phactory |
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kyethra
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 16, 2006
Posts: 135
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| Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2008 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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I agree that communication is important. Uber important. So is realising when things aren't your fault, and when things are both people's faults.
My husband he isn't an Aspie. But he has issues-- like depression and he is introverted. Well I'm one of those extroverted Aspies. So sometimes that can be akward. And there are times when our issues just clash. It might not matter what I do to work on stuff if my DH isn't working on his stuff.
I think counseling with a good therapist who is experienced with AS type stuff can help. But it would have to be someone good or really experienced. |
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Belfast
Vast Ambivalence
Joined: Jul 18, 2005
Age: 36
Posts: 1718
Location: New England
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| Posted: Sat Sep 20, 2008 4:31 am Post subject: |
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Am disinclined to gratuitously splash my posts all over the place. However, given that a couple folks have perceived a particular comment of mine as being positive, thought I'd re-post it here (think first paragraph is what struck folks as being more "optimistic" in my assessment-I include entire post for proper context, though):
| Belfast wrote: | Does any relationship that ends (other than in death of one or both persons) fall into category of "failure" ? These may have been "successful" for many years, but eventually did end. I don't attribute causation for such conclusions to my particular personality or dx profile-plenty of "NT" folks have relationships that don't last "forever", either.
My 8+ yr. LTR (with ex-husband) ended because he decided that he did want kids-and I did not change my mind, he knew I never wanted them, so he left me for someone else.
My 4+ yr. LTR (with ex-fiancee) ended because he thought he could deal with me, but after awhile he was unfulfilled: he's outgoing, athletic, social person & I am not-so he left me for another woman (one more similar to him and his interests).
Now trying to figure out what (who) might be next relationship, nothing yet on the horizon... |
http://www.wrongplanet.net/posts77398-start15.html
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*"You cannot administer a wicked law impartially-it destroys everyone it touches, its violators as well as its upholders."* |
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gearhead
Butterfly
Joined: Dec 11, 2007
Posts: 10
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| Posted: Wed Sep 24, 2008 11:08 pm Post subject: married and family |
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| Been married some 20 odd years or so, got two sons, one has Autism, the other is a ball head (likes sports, etc), strange I feel sorry for the ball head, since I relate to the Autism son better, and spend more time with him. I have to perodically take ball head to a game to keep him from feeling left out. |
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IsThisReallyMe
Emu Egg
Joined: Oct 04, 2008
Posts: 5
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| Posted: Thu Oct 16, 2008 7:28 pm Post subject: |
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| Have not read all of the replies, but here isthe analogy i tell my wife. We just found you have been speaking English and French -- no wonder we couldn't communicate. So lets learn Creole! |
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DreDawg
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Oct 28, 2008
Age: 33
Posts: 31
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| Posted: Wed Oct 29, 2008 5:03 am Post subject: |
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| don't get me started.been married and divorced. have a good relationship with my ex. |
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millie
bits, pieces, brass, animals
Joined: Oct 26, 2008
Age: 47
Posts: 2981
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| Posted: Fri Oct 31, 2008 2:14 am Post subject: |
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this is a great thread. i am married and 46 and i suspect both of us are on the spectrum. mynephew is HFA and there are a lot traits i exhibit. neither my partner or I like too many people in our lves face to face. we deal ok with our son;s friends. i think there are incredible schallenges re being in a relationship. for instance - i love my partner the most when he is physcially distant or absent from my immediate surroundings. I do not like being touched and he likes that. Now that we know i am As he understands why i have spent the past 8 years screaming "please don't touch me!" i have all these quirky rules around tactile exchanges with him and also with intimacy. I also have meltdowns and get overwhelmed at times.. and just snap - it is definitely related to sensory overloads and i see all these shapes like glass shards glittering, when it happens.
OUr relationship was on the rocks until we discoverd more about AS. THen we decided on separate rooms again and this was great for both of us. he has terrible sleep issues and i have a real issue with fluctuating sensory problems and find it intolerable to sleep in the same room with someone because i am overwhelmed by normal human scent. sounds crazy i know. BUt these are just some of the realities of As relationships. I can;t stand people too close to me also. I also spend an inordinate amount of time in the studio on my special interest - i think i spend 15 hours a day either doing or thinking about my special interest. and my partner finds this difficult. His special interest seems to be his family. he finds my obsession with my special interest really difficult.
I am not the typical mum. i struggle with executive functioning and am always creating clutter.
in spite of all this, things are good, and we make it work. dropping the expectations is the best way forward in my view. |
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poopylungstuffing
doh-skoh-bee-doh
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 34
Posts: 6406
Location: Super Happy Fun Land, TX
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Prof_Pretorius
troubled Soul
Joined: Aug 21, 2006
Age: 51
Posts: 5872
Location: Hiding in the attic of the Arkham Library
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| Posted: Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:34 pm Post subject: |
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| poopylungstuffing wrote: | | My parents have slept in separate rooms since I was a child...My mom is the most ASish of my folks. |
I always thought it odd that my parents slept in separate bedrooms. My Mum always said it was because my father thrashed around when he slept.
I do that now, and many times The Missus asks me to sleep on the divan.
The fact that my parents did this has sparked several conversations i won't repeat.
_________________
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow. I feel my fate in what I cannot fear. I learn by going where I have to go. ~Theodore Roethke |
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ThunderFox
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Jul 31, 2005
Posts: 63
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| Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 4:10 am Post subject: |
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The sleeping in separate rooms or separate beds bit is a little unusual to me, but not unheard of or not understandable
Myself, 99% of the time I love to hug and cuddle with my wife.
The only exception to my enjoying cuddling is when I wake up from certain nightmares, and wife tries to calm me but I'm still half in the dream, and certain physical sensations remind me of the dream. This has caused an argument or two, but as soon as my wife is able to tell me what I did wrong (woman thing I guess) I quickly apologize and explain myself. She's still trying to get in the habit of asking if I want to be hugged or cuddled in bed, especially if I'm asleep or first waking up.
As of thrashing, I somehow don't do that. I sleep like a rock. It runs in my family as well. My wife rolls over every hour or so, and sometimes I have to "Negotiate" with her subconscious to return the covers when she wraps herself up in them while sleeping. A few gentle tugs and such kind of cues her in. We keep two comforters on bed now, overlapping in the middle so neither of us will end up in the cold now. This was originally to stay warm, but it worked out nicely, so we keep it that way.
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ThunderFox
a.k.a. Laughing Fox
"Well it's exactly the same . . .
But, Vash the Stampede's idea of 'kin'
stretches way beyond the norm."
-- Trigun Maximum 1; by Yasuhiro Nightow |
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bricklaya
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Dec 08, 2008
Age: 31
Posts: 37
Location: NE Wisconsin, USA
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| Posted: Sun Dec 14, 2008 3:29 pm Post subject: Nearly divorced.. |
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My wife and I nearly divorced last year. There were plenty of factors in our decision, but looking back Now I realize that my AS played a role in it.
I just found out about AS little more than a week ago. Last year, when we were getting divorced, my wife faulted me several times for what we now know to be my symptoms of AS. We haven't talked about it yet from our new perspective, but I suspect that we will. I don't know how she feels about that yet. I know that she loves me, and that AS isn't going to change anything; but now she knows why I behave the way i do sometimes. When she faulted me for my own nature, she (we) didn't know any better. I think she has become more accepting since our revelation. |
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Wombat
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 08, 2006
Posts: 624
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| Posted: Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:36 am Post subject: |
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I am an Aspie and my wife is bipolar with Anorexia when she was a teen.
This year we have been married 36 years and have two grown children.
Was it easy? OMG no. You wouldn't believe the things that have happened.
How did we do it? I guess we are both old fashioned.
" For better or worse. For richer or for poorer. In sickness or or in health"
We both took that seriously.
My wife (because of her condition) has attempted suicide many times. She has been in hospital many times.
There were times when If I had owned a gun I would have used it on myself.
Yet "tomorrow is another day"
Just get through today.
We still love each other and we still get through today. |
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Kirska
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 12, 2008
Age: 23
Posts: 839
Location: Dallas, TX
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| Posted: Sat Dec 20, 2008 2:32 pm Post subject: |
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My husband is about as NT as they come. He's very emotional and tends to be the lead in conversations with others.
_________________
"Shadow, my sweet shadow
to you I look no more" |
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garyww
Asylum Escapee
Joined: Nov 29, 2008
Posts: 2391
Location: Napa, California
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| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 1:14 pm Post subject: |
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I completely agree with the post about relationships that 'end' not having to be 'failures'. I have many 'ended' relationships but in no case do I or the other people feel they were failures. In most cases we still keep in touch so even after an end some form of relationship can continue but at a different level.
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I am one of those people who your mother used to warn you about. |
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