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boykie
Butterfly
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 9
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 Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 2:45 am Post subject: Pls help me understand his world |
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A few questions from a new aspie-mum:
My chappie, who is almost 4, is making no attempt to dress himself at all. Is this normal for an Aspie? I think it may be becoming a problem at his playschool as he always has to be helped to put on his clothes by the teacher when younger kids are at least making an effort.
You will find this hard to believe, but he is needing an underarm deodorant already. We still soap him ourselves in the bath so I know he is washed properly but by the morning or the end of the day he smells like a marathon runner under the arms if I do not apply deodorant. Is there any harm in this for such a young kid? It is a hypoallergenic scentless roll-on called Sanex.
He has lots of obsessions but one of the most irritating ones is with ears! He always wants to see peoples' ears and tries to stroke them- even relative strangers have their hair lifted up as if to check that everything is in place!! It is a wonder that our cats and dog have any fur left on theirs.
When he was about two he started to stick his finger in my eyes a lot so I told him that he could play with my ears but not my eyes. That is when it all started and I think he misinterpreted it as permission to do it to everyone. He stops when asked to and does not throw a fit about it but will start up again a few minutes later, especially at story time or when greeting dad at the end of the day or when he is picked up after a fall.
He is battling with theory of mind -is it too early to intervene? Especially he does not get that we can't understand what he is telling us about without some context included. He launches off in a long story about something that happened sometime, somewhere to someone and we are clueless. What are some things we can do to help ground his story-telling a bit more? Questions don't help, just make him pause and then run on with the story.
He has never asked the question "why" or "who" or " when". Ever. He asks unnecessary questions such as "Where is Daddy" when his father is standing a metre away from him or he has just left his father in another room.
Lots more ??s but that is enough for now!!! |
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Esperanza
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 885
Location: Karazhan
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:14 am Post subject: |
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haha  This all made me chuckle a little.
He sounds like an aspie, all right! Don't worry; he will grow out of most of these things. I never asked appropriate or normal questions as a kid either. And dressing myself? At FOUR? HA! (At 27, I now dress myself quite nicely, thank you very much)  But seriously: You're lucky he's even talking. My first words were on time, but I didn't actually talk until I was six.
The only thing that sounds out of the ordinary is the sweating. Is it possible that he is having a reaction to something in his diet? Many aspies are very sensitive to certain common foods. |
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aminahmae
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Sep 25, 2005
Age: 28
Posts: 46
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 3:27 am Post subject: |
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| alot of the things your little guy is doing sounds like typical 4yo kind of stuff |
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iceb
Tarkalean hawk
Joined: Apr 27, 2007
Posts: 1351
Location: The Liberator flight deck
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 4:20 am Post subject: |
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Yes I would stand and have my mum dress me I can't remember how old I was when I dressed myself.
And Yes! watch out for those E numbers E142 has an absolutely evil effect upon me (often found in sweets)
Last edited by iceb on Sat May 12, 2007 5:22 am; edited 1 time in total |
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girl7000
Majestic Eagle Owl
Joined: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 1263
Location: Somewhere in the Atlantic
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:24 am Post subject: |
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Yep, sounds like there are certainly some AS tendencies there. I think it is just a matter of time. 4 is very young and I think that even if you did start some kind of intensive therapy now, he would be limited in what he is able to understand.
As for looking in ears, all AS / HFA kids have their obsessions (mine was cloth and lego) and soon enough he'll move on to something else.
I think that, as you say, telling him he could touch your ears might have confused him a little. What is often meant by 'lack of imagination' in the triad of impairments is, as is exemplified in this case, that your son thinks he can now touch all ears, and not just yours. It's like saying to an aspie child 'don't write on your desk'. They may well not write on their desk again, but will not understand that they shouldn't write on ANY desk unless this is clearly explained.
Regarding the perspiration - it might be worth consulting a medical professional about this. As others have suggested, it might be worth changing his diet - I am on the gluten free diet and I also avoid concentrated sugar (e.g. sweets) and have low casein and avoid pulses and also I can only have citrus in moderation.
With deodourants, some people would argue that you should use an aliminium free deodourant - others would argue that aliminium is the key ingredient so is silly to avoid - perhaps it might be doing some research on this or speaking to a medical professional. |
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iceb
Tarkalean hawk
Joined: Apr 27, 2007
Posts: 1351
Location: The Liberator flight deck
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 5:44 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | I can't remember how old I was when I dressed myself.
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Yes it has come to me now I must have been about 7 The school told my mum That I must dress myself it was unpleasant for both of us 
Last edited by iceb on Sat May 12, 2007 5:23 am; edited 1 time in total |
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EarthCalling
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 983
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 8:21 am Post subject: Re: Pls help me understand his world |
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[quote="boykie"]A few questions from a new aspie-mum:
| Quote: | | My chappie, who is almost 4, is making no attempt to dress himself at all. Is this normal for an Aspie? I think it may be becoming a problem at his playschool as he always has to be helped to put on his clothes by the teacher when younger kids are at least making an effort. |
Yes this is very normal. Aspie Children seem to struggle with some aspects of dressing themselves until much older, I have seen parents here with children that are 10 or older complaining that they can't be sent to their room and get dressed reliably on their own! It seems a lot of aspie children "forget" what they where sent to do, or just get preoccupied with something else. In addition, many have poor motor skills which can make getting dressed very challenging. If your son is DX'ed you may need to talk to the Daycare about this being normal for his condition and see what they can offer up. I would think perhaps offering one instruction at a time, like "ok, lets get our coat, now lets put it on, can you zip it up?" Making sure they have his attention when they ask him something.
| Quote: | | You will find this hard to believe, but he is needing an underarm deodorant already. We still soap him ourselves in the bath so I know he is washed properly but by the morning or the end of the day he smells like a marathon runner under the arms if I do not apply deodorant. Is there any harm in this for such a young kid? It is a hypoallergenic scentless roll-on called Sanex. |
This is not normal, I would see a doctor, see if you can get any ideas as to why this may be happening, maybe reserch early onset puberty? I just don't know...
| Quote: |
He has lots of obsessions but one of the most irritating ones is with ears! He always wants to see peoples' ears and tries to stroke them- even relative strangers have their hair lifted up as if to check that everything is in place!! It is a wonder that our cats and dog have any fur left on theirs.
When he was about two he started to stick his finger in my eyes a lot so I told him that he could play with my ears but not my eyes. That is when it all started and I think he misinterpreted it as permission to do it to everyone. He stops when asked to and does not throw a fit about it but will start up again a few minutes later, especially at story time or when greeting dad at the end of the day or when he is picked up after a fall. |
I think that maybe you need to cut off all ear interaction, or perhaps teach him to look not touch or to ask permission before touching an ear. It will take a long time, but consistancy is probably the answer. He won't understand why he can touch your ear sometimes and not other times, or why he can't touch his teachers. This is not something he will learn overnight, but I think at 4 you can start getting him on the right path to leave peoples ears alone!
| Quote: | | He is battling with theory of mind -is it too early to intervene? Especially he does not get that we can't understand what he is telling us about without some context included. He launches off in a long story about something that happened sometime, somewhere to someone and we are clueless. What are some things we can do to help ground his story-telling a bit more? Questions don't help, just make him pause and then run on with the story. |
This is a tough one, I don't think I can really tell you how to "help" other then persue his interests, ask him lots of questions, get into routines where you ask him about his day etc. My son really struggled with this too when he was younger, unless it was Thomas or Pokemon or GhostBusters, you could not begin to get him to tell a "story" or even talk about his day. All days where "good". Even if I knew from school reports they where anything but!
It was around 9 that he really started to open up and facts and information about things that happened long ago started flooking back, he was able to tell things in a detailed and complete manner that happened YEARS AND YEARS ago! I encouraged it, and told him that I was glad he shared that with me, but wished he had told me when it happend, I could have helped him or I would have been happy for him (something appropreate). If you son is starting to give you details about things, I would just ask some leading questions but don't push it too too much, make itvery positive, if you show any frustration or disapointment he will clam up again and may become more anxious to share things with you.
| Quote: | | He has never asked the question "why" or "who" or " when". Ever. He asks unnecessary questions such as "Where is Daddy" when his father is standing a metre away from him or he has just left his father in another room. |
My NT 2 and 4 year old children play a game between them, usually in the car, where they say "my mommy ... my daddy..." and they fight back and forth about it. Sometimes we play a game where my husband picks up my youngest and puts him on his shoulders or behind him, and then we pretend we don't know where he is! The kids find is histarical. Is it possible this "wheres daddy" thing is a game?
I would not make a big deal out of it, just answer him "here he is". I may ask him a lot of who what where when and why questions throughout the day, see if you can get him thinking in these exploritory terms, but don't make him feel like it is pressure. When my son could not answer a question like this, I would often answer it for him, he would listen.
| Quote: | | Lots more ??s but that is enough for now!!! |
Is yous son DX'ed? |
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boykie
Butterfly
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 9
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 9:38 am Post subject: |
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Yes, he was tentatively diagnosed by a child development specialist when he was 3 and this was confirmed by a visiting expert in autism about 2 months ago. So we have done a lot of reading and have got the excellent book by Tony Attwood - "Aspergers syndrome -a guide for parents and professionals"., which really filled in a lot of gaps in our understanding.
South Africa has a long way to go in the educational support field - no such thing as classroom helpers for "different" kids and most classes in the junior phase have about 45 kids per class!!! (And that is the top of the range schools!) But we live in a seaside community about 30kms from a city and the local school is excellent with about 20 kids per class so he will get good attention once he starts pre-primary. (The year before big school when he is 5 going on 6 years) It is an outdoor-bound school with a lot of emphasis on hiking, climbing, orienteering etc as well as the usual sports. Our little guy loves the outdoors and to run so he should enjoy the cross-country team.
The idea of early-onset puberty has occurred to me. Will talk to paediatrician about it, though he does not have any other signs as yet. |
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9CatMom
Ailurophile
Joined: Jan 02, 2007
Posts: 5650
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 10:14 am Post subject: |
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| I think I dressed myself at the normal age, but I remember having trouble tying my shoes until I was nine. I was advanced in reading and other academic skills, but shoe tying was difficult for me. |
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BugsMom
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 205
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 11:10 am Post subject: |
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Your little boy sounds a lot like mine (who is nearly 5 1/2 now)! My son dresses himself now, but wasn't doing it on his own when he was your son's age. We went through the "ear fixation" here too...my son liked me to put my finger in his ear when he was tired. We would be walking along somewhere, and he'd suddenly reach for my finger and stick it in his ear.
My son also didn't start asking "why....because" type questions until just recently, and I'm all too familiar with him launching into a long story with some missing context! He is a newly diagnosed Aspie as well. |
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EarthCalling
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Posts: 983
Location: Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu May 10, 2007 11:17 am Post subject: |
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| boykie wrote: | Yes, he was tentatively diagnosed by a child development specialist when he was 3 and this was confirmed by a visiting expert in autism about 2 months ago. So we have done a lot of reading and have got the excellent book by Tony Attwood - "Aspergers syndrome -a guide for parents and professionals"., which really filled in a lot of gaps in our understanding.
South Africa has a long way to go in the educational support field - no such thing as classroom helpers for "different" kids and most classes in the junior phase have about 45 kids per class!!! (And that is the top of the range schools!) But we live in a seaside community about 30kms from a city and the local school is excellent with about 20 kids per class so he will get good attention once he starts pre-primary. (The year before big school when he is 5 going on 6 years) It is an outdoor-bound school with a lot of emphasis on hiking, climbing, orienteering etc as well as the usual sports. Our little guy loves the outdoors and to run so he should enjoy the cross-country team.
The idea of early-onset puberty has occurred to me. Will talk to paediatrician about it, though he does not have any other signs as yet. |
It sounds like you are doing the right things. Even in places like Canada where I am, with Autism teams in the city, and such it can be hard to get the education on Aspergers right down to the school classroom level! The one major thing I think you need to do, it become the expert, and make sure that you educate the school on what your son needs. Just advocate advocate advocate. If they are a good school, then they will be receptive to it, and want to help and understand your son too. |
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JCJC777
Snowy Owl
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Age: 48
Posts: 160
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| Posted: Sun May 13, 2007 7:34 am Post subject: |
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i think he has a very big, sub-optimal bit of software running in his head, that can, at least in many cases, be turned off - see my site below - very, very best wishes in your love for him
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http://unlearningasperger.blogspot.com |
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tam1klt2
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Apr 16, 2007
Posts: 187
Location: Easley, SC
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| Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 12:54 am Post subject: |
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My 8 yo still needs to be reminded about little stuff (clean underpants everyday )He was slow at dressing himself. Why do it himself if someone else would. So we started working in small steps that way. If you put your pants on I'll help w/the shirt & socks. Then, if you put the shirt on I'll do the socks. He really struggled more w/socks so I'd help him w/that until he could manage it. My 4 you on the other hand wants to do everything herself. She don't want help, and already wants to be a mom. I think she was dressing herself at around 2. She is very independent, he is very dependent. We joke that we'll have to move to be near which ever college he goes to since he'll probably want to live at home till we make him move out. 
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Corsarzs
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 03, 2007
Posts: 449
Location: Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Sun May 20, 2007 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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I have to say you have gotten a good introduction to some of the folks here on WP. Hope you enjoy your stay here. I'll say most of them have given great advice so I won't repeat it.
Re: dressing Z's pediatrician said not to worry too much about it , it will come with peer pressure. Z can dress himself but just this week he put his pants on backwards and wore them the whole day. "just Got confused" when he couldn't find the Tag, no big deal. Oh, yeah, he's 10. He'll get over it.
With the sweating could be prercocious puberty or just overactive or too numerous sweatglands. I had a friend when I was a kid whose hands literally dripped sweat, Summer and winter. There are solutions for that if it becomes a real problem.
Welcome, and thanks for what I considered a refreshing set of questions.  [pun intended.
I can get serious and will do so later, just kind of punchy right now.
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Aspies, the next step in evolution? |
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