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nocturnalowl
Deinonychus
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Joined: May 14, 2005
Posts: 362
Location: The Bathrooms, California
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 Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:12 pm Post subject: Ever get concerned about life being delayed by AS of HFA? |
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I do. I don't know by how much, maybe 5 years maybe 10 years, but I do feel when I look around I see those much younger than me about to move on.
So I feel that was I held back by AS completely or was it a combination of fear, anxiety, social limitations. Or was it caused by directions I chose. Because I don't want to use AS or HFA as an excuse that it caused my path. At the same time I feel it could've driven the delayness.
I always looked and picture the dreading "what if" nonsense all the time thinking I could've done better but I didn't and now this, or the "it's too late" scenario that boils me now a lot more than ever, or the "I completely lost out or lost touch".
Now I enter the crossroads of regrettedness and I don't really feel I want to move on anymore for some ridiculous reason other than that I took to long, lost touch with peers and mad a few mistakes here and there (physically emotionally, etc). But I cannot go and take the easy way out and hide from everything.
So I'm delayed the only problem is understand AS or HFA. Not to let it go too far,
But where to start, I still don't know. |
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Arbie
Educated Stupid
Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1747
Location: Near Greenville S.C.
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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| I feel I am in the same situation. |
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Wolfpup
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 1576
Location: Central Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:23 pm Post subject: |
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| I know what you mean. Although luckily most of the time I just don't think about it and don't care. |
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Esperanza
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 885
Location: Karazhan
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:26 pm Post subject: |
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I attended a high school graduation ceremony yesterday. It was the same high school that I graduated from ten years ago. The kids there were receiving scholarships and talking about their plans to become engineers, doctors, world travellers and accountants. I remember having similar plans.
Today, I still haven't even completed a bachelor's degree. My friends all moved on and became professionals and got good jobs. Many of them are starting families. I never thought this could possibly happen to me. I always expected to finish university and get a good job and get married and buy a house and have children.
Instead, after high school I was lost. I was adrift. I can't organize my life. I can't organize anything. I can't keep my clothes off the floor, I can't keep the dishes clean, I can't hold down a job that doesn't have clear-cut, simple requirements, and I can't keep my finances in order.
Now that I know I am AS/HFA, I understand where many (if not all) of these issues come from. I am hoping to go back to university and start over. I want to take a degree that is more appropriate and will lead to a career in which I can excel. I worry, though, because I'm getting impatient and my body is aging. It's time for me to have children. I don't want to leave it too late. I worry that I'll get fed up and won't ever finish my education. I don't know how much more time I can devote to this.
Yes, I feel extremely delayed, and it breaks my heart and crushes my spirit. It has torn my self-respect to pieces. |
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richie
Ye Olde Bookwyrme
Joined: Jan 10, 2007
Age: 50
Posts: 12286
Location: Lake Whoop-Dee-Doo, Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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I was severely delayed in some areas of my life. Some of it was due to Autism,
and some was due to anesthetizing myself with alcohol for about ten years or so.
I wasn't driving until I was thirty, I never had a relationship.
There are many other things I missed out on because of delayed development. |
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Wolfpup
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 1576
Location: Central Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah. Part of the reason I want a diagnosis is to possibly get help with school. Apparently they might have to adjust the few courses I have trouble with. It really is bad if I let myself think about it. |
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Arbie
Educated Stupid
Joined: Mar 23, 2007
Age: 27
Posts: 1747
Location: Near Greenville S.C.
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 7:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah its a good idea to not think about it often. I seem to be hapier living one day at a time than actualy analyzing my situation as a whole. |
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krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 5002
Location: Village of the Damned
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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I dont think just having AS makes you that delayed but some of the co-morbids can drag you down(CAPD,Anxiety,depression,chemical dependency,dyslexia,ADD).It does get a little depressing/frustrating working with people who are half my age,(especially your bosses).I dont have a house and didn't drive until I was 30(still avoid it when ever possible)I think the kids who have grown up knowing about their AS and having certian accomidations,will help them avoid some of the pit falls.
On the other hand,there are things about my childishness that I really enjoy.Like still rebelling against the "status que",stuffed animals and colllecting rocks,doing silly crafts.....I would personally hate to have to play golf and bridge instead.
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Wolfpup
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 1576
Location: Central Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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Oh good, you like stuffed animals too? I've kept all of mine (they're IMPORTANT!) and I did buy an adorable Care Bear puppy a few years back too (I love cute stuff  ) |
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9CatMom
Ailurophile
Joined: Jan 02, 2007
Posts: 5650
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:45 pm Post subject: |
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| I don't feel I have actually been delayed, but I do believe I overemphasized some areas at the expense of others. My functioning in daily life (driving, cooking, etc.) isn't equal with my educational attainment or ability to perform at my job. |
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9CatMom
Ailurophile
Joined: Jan 02, 2007
Posts: 5650
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| Posted: Fri May 25, 2007 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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| I have stuffed animals too-mainly different types of cats. Siamese are my favorites. |
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Fedaykin
Deinonychus
Joined: May 22, 2007
Posts: 384
Location: Sundsvall, Sweden
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 2:25 am Post subject: |
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I can really relate to what nocturnalowl and Esperanza wrote, that's contributed to my first depression so far in my life, at 30 years of age. I guess you're more dependent on your environment with this syndrome than typical people are. Personally I'd love to have been able to take more advanced math/science classes that would remain challenging, so I wouldn't have lost interest, and perhaps have gotten a bit of attention as a prodigy. Then I bet my life would have been a lot easier. It contributes to social phobia as well, you're kind of embarassed if people you talk to ask about your career.
Something tells me we'd be more happy in more religious cultures also.. Here in the western world, what matters the most is your career and social network, whereas in a religious nation, we'd be able to memorize the scriptures and be looked up to for our knowledge of them.
So, if things don't work out for you guys, remember that the way things are done in the western world today is about as disadvantageous as it can get for AS people, with the emphasis on making connections. It's understandable if we don't achieve that much career/relationship success. |
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nocturnalowl
Deinonychus
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Joined: May 14, 2005
Posts: 362
Location: The Bathrooms, California
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 4:02 am Post subject: |
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| Esperanza wrote: | I attended a high school graduation ceremony yesterday. It was the same high school that I graduated from ten years ago. The kids there were receiving scholarships and talking about their plans to become engineers, doctors, world travellers and accountants. I remember having similar plans.
Today, I still haven't even completed a bachelor's degree. My friends all moved on and became professionals and got good jobs. Many of them are starting families. I never thought this could possibly happen to me. I always expected to finish university and get a good job and get married and buy a house and have children.
Instead, after high school I was lost. I was adrift. I can't organize my life. I can't organize anything. I can't keep my clothes off the floor, I can't keep the dishes clean, I can't hold down a job that doesn't have clear-cut, simple requirements, and I can't keep my finances in order.
Now that I know I am AS/HFA, I understand where many (if not all) of these issues come from. I am hoping to go back to university and start over. I want to take a degree that is more appropriate and will lead to a career in which I can excel. I worry, though, because I'm getting impatient and my body is aging. It's time for me to have children. I don't want to leave it too late. I worry that I'll get fed up and won't ever finish my education. I don't know how much more time I can devote to this.
Yes, I feel extremely delayed, and it breaks my heart and crushes my spirit. It has torn my self-respect to pieces. |
Cool, I graduated 10 yrs. ago also. Only thing is I don't know about any of those students anymore, I always think what it would be like if I ever went to a reunion or so, but then I always hear they aren't great, but then what would I do at one of those anyways?
I tend to be in and out of JC right now, but I haven't really progressed enough. I don't know the first time I somehow became frustrated somewhere socially, second time I stepped out because of frustrations of my personal life.
I fear that I will be a little too old to enjoy new things sometimes and that I may be too behind my peers. But they say to me it's never too late. I just feel I wasted some time to enjoy myself and feel a little care-free, which is more difficult to do nowadays anyway. But then that was my decision so I'm gonna let it go. |
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nocturnalowl
Deinonychus
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Joined: May 14, 2005
Posts: 362
Location: The Bathrooms, California
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 4:08 am Post subject: |
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| Fedaykin wrote: | I can really relate to what nocturnalowl and Esperanza wrote, that's contributed to my first depression so far in my life, at 30 years of age. I guess you're more dependent on your environment with this syndrome than typical people are. Personally I'd love to have been able to take more advanced math/science classes that would remain challenging, so I wouldn't have lost interest, and perhaps have gotten a bit of attention as a prodigy. Then I bet my life would have been a lot easier. It contributes to social phobia as well, you're kind of embarassed if people you talk to ask about your career.
Something tells me we'd be more happy in more religious cultures also.. Here in the western world, what matters the most is your career and social network, whereas in a religious nation, we'd be able to memorize the scriptures and be looked up to for our knowledge of them.
So, if things don't work out for you guys, remember that the way things are done in the western world today is about as disadvantageous as it can get for AS people, with the emphasis on making connections. It's understandable if we don't achieve that much career/relationship success. |
I might of been depressed for the past couple years or so without even noticing it. I did tend to do a lot of things in my room and surf the web, but then I never really did much after that. Read, go outside more often, exercise. Maybe I got too caught up on things.
So maybe it wasn't really depression until last year when I noticed I was in a stagnant situation for a couple years prior. I don't know why my mind turned around and get interested in other things more often. Or at least things I could've done more that I was doing. Hobbies or physical activity. I don't really know what I did wrong. It just happened, I noticed and boom, some slight depression based on regret.
Now I do tend to want to learn about cognition, or meta-cognition. I always want to know why we think the way we do, or what causes us to want to behave in various ways, or be interested in certain things. That would be an autistic related interest. |
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Wolfpup
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 15, 2007
Posts: 1576
Location: Central Illinois, USA
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| Posted: Sat May 26, 2007 2:45 pm Post subject: |
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| Fedaykin wrote: |
Something tells me we'd be more happy in more religious cultures also.. |
I really doubt that, in fact I'd guess on average the reverse would be true.
| Quote: | | Here in the western world, what matters the most is your career and social network, whereas in a religious nation, we'd be able to memorize the scriptures and be looked up to for our knowledge of them. |
Only if the person had an interest in them, which most people wouldn't. Most of us would be at a disadvantage living somewhere where thought wasn't allowed, and where most likely AS wouldn't be understood or accepted. A simpler, more structured life might work well for many of us, but that would have nothing to do with religion. |
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