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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 2524
Location: United States
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 Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:13 pm Post subject: Stopping Yourself from Having a Crush |
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I've always been amazed at how I only had three brief crushes during the past 10 years. Whenever I met a girl I found attractive in one way or another, I'd start to feel infatuated with her. But then my logical brain would tell me: "This girl wouldn't date you if her life depended on it! Do you want to waste your feelings on her?" Within days, any feelings of infatuation would vanish like a soap bubble, and even then, the crush would be very weak. Sometimes it would caused by an external factor: the girl having a lot of attitude, the girl being very good-looking, or her having a choice of better-looking guys. In all these cases, I've been able to prevent myself from having any kind of crush, pretty much cutting it off at the source. The downside to this method is that I'd start acting cold and standoffish, even when the girl is actually nice to me.
However, there have been a few (make that very few) cases where my "crush prevention" method didn't work. This often happened when the girl was cute but not hot, and when she somehow managed to put me at ease. In those cases, my crushes were very intense. I'd spend a lot of time thinking about the girl, and just walking around with an "inflated head" feeling. This makes me wonder whether my brain is making up for the other crushes I block out. sh, the one my logical brain couldn't block. Anyone else here have been through something like this? |
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Kilroy
Establishment knows whats best
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 10471
Location: Driving the Last Spike
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:21 pm Post subject: |
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yes I've gone threw that a lot
Ive really only liked one girl in my life
and that ended badly
other little crushes died within days
I told myelf the same thing you do
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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You WANT to prevent yourself from
falling for people? That's like trying
to give up food. Might be worthwhile,
but it's giving up your humanity. |
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Sopho
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
Posts: 13905
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:39 pm Post subject: |
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I wish I knew how to do this...  |
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Kilroy
Establishment knows whats best
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 10471
Location: Driving the Last Spike
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:40 pm Post subject: |
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yeah well it's a lost cause wanting love from those people
so I don't want to feel that so I force myself not to
love hasn't been a good game for me at all (a lot of aspies aren't successful at it)
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Yoshie777
Paragon
Joined: Apr 30, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 2018
Location: Ellensburg, WA
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:41 pm Post subject: |
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| I would always develop secret crushes on girls that I connect with. It happens every time! |
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Kilroy
Establishment knows whats best
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 10471
Location: Driving the Last Spike
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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lucky you
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ChrissandraChrissamba
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2007
Age: 84
Posts: 1995
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 9:48 pm Post subject: |
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| Sopho wrote: | | I wish I knew how to do this... |
Me too. |
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gwenevyn
asdf forever
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6179
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:29 pm Post subject: |
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Would you really? I'm sorry that crushes end up causing so much distress for some of you.
I get little crushes on people all the time. For some reason it's usually unreasonable (i.e. having feelings for someone who, practically speaking, I'm completely incompatible with... or someone who I think is bad news and would probably hurt me) and so it goes away within a few days. I know I can't control "feeling" something for whomever it is, so I don't try to control the feelings, just my voluntary thoughts and actions. Sometimes I avoid the person if I must, or else I focus my attraction toward doing nice things for that person without selfish motives. (For me, doing good deeds for somebody helps me foster a sense of fraternal love, which can gradually overshadow a little obsession.)
A couple months ago I did develop a crush on a boy who would be compatible with me if he liked me back. But he is still heartbroken over his ex-girlfriend and I want to be sure I'm not a rebound... so I did a little angsty crying into my pillow  and then was careful not to talk with him for a while.
Actually, I find that most crushes are indeed cured by taking a little vacation from being in contact with the object of affectionate feelings. There's no heady rush when you've got nothing to feed off of. But that's not really possible if you're talking about girls you meet in a school setting or something.
I don't think you need to worry about your "blocked" crushes creating pent-up feelings. Self-control breeds more self-control, not less. But like Calandale said, you're young, and even as you practice self-control and mastery of your emotions, these feelings will keep cropping up. And that's ok. It just means everything is in working order.  |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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| gwenevyn wrote: | | But he is still heartbroken over his ex-girlfriend and I want to be sure I'm not a rebound... |
Always wondered about this thunk.
Never really been there, in terms of
picking someone up on the rebound -
usually they're with someone when they
fall for me - but, I'm almost always either
with someone, or despondent about my loss,
and at least a couple of women have gotten
something better than they could have dreamed
of out of it. |
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Sopho
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
Posts: 13905
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:36 pm Post subject: |
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I hate it.
I always feel guilty when I like someone.
An sad because they never like me. |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:37 pm Post subject: |
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| Sopho wrote: | I hate it.
I always feel guilty when I like someone.
An sad because they never like me. |
GUILTY? Why? How? I'm in shock here.
First people want to give up one of the
few pleasures that we are allowed, and
now they feel guilty for them. |
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Sopho
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
Posts: 13905
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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| calandale wrote: | | Sopho wrote: | I hate it.
I always feel guilty when I like someone.
An sad because they never like me. |
GUILTY? Why? How? I'm in shock here.
First people want to give up one of the
few pleasures that we are allowed, and
now they feel guilty for them. |
Because most of the girls I like are straight.
So I assume they'd find it weird. |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:43 pm Post subject: |
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But that's not your problem.
Not just for liking them. |
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gekitsu
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 05, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 745
Location: bavaria/germany
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| Posted: Tue May 29, 2007 10:44 pm Post subject: |
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| im feeling neither guilty nor want to give it up... i dislike being so delusional to think that i should measure my life by reality instead of my dreams. but it makes me inevitably and deeply sad every time. |
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