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gisgo
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 04, 2007
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 9:38 pm Post subject: trouble finding a partner, can anyone relate? |
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| Hello, I'm new here, my name's Michael Smith, I'm a very compassionate and romantic 26 year old male, but have had no luck meeting girls and connecting. I've had a few dates over the years but they never went anywhere serious. I'm told I'm an attractive and sweet guy, but I don't know what the problem is. Is anyone in the same situation? |
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vandire
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 28, 2007
Age: 21
Posts: 201
Location: Bristol, UK
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:38 pm Post subject: |
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Maybe you're too nice?
I honestly don't know, really. The biggest problem I see with people who want to meet someone is they'll assume a bit too much about how it works.
For example, the Bristol trend for meeting someone is nightclubs, and pretty much nothing else. So, even people who hate nightclubs will go to them when they want to try and meet someone. But it almost never works, because the type of people they'll meet there will be the type who likes nightclubs, who A) will probably notice they aren't enjoying themselves, which lowers attraction, and B) would be a different type of person, meaning that even if there is a significant attraction, the personality types wouldnt match.
The best advice I could give would be to find something relatively sociable or potentially group orientated that you like, even if its traditionally male dominated, and go for it. You'll enjoy yourself, the people you'll meet will be enjoying themselves, and will be a similar type of person to you, and even if you don't meet anyone, you won't have lost anything. |
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Sopho
Emu Egg
Joined: Apr 04, 2007
Posts: 13905
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| Posted: Mon Jun 04, 2007 10:40 pm Post subject: |
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I just had a weird feeling I'd seen this thread before.
Anyway, kind of.
But I'm not bothered anymore. |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Tue Jun 05, 2007 12:13 am Post subject: |
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| Sopho wrote: | I just had a weird feeling I'd seen this thread before.
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Nah. No one ever posts anything like
this around here. |
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WildMan
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 05, 2006
Posts: 304
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
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Bart21
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 29, 2006
Posts: 663
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| Posted: Wed Jun 06, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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| calandale wrote: | | Sopho wrote: | I just had a weird feeling I'd seen this thread before.
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Nah. No one ever posts anything like
this around here. |
The problem is proberbly that you ARE too nice.
Women want to be friends with the nice guy.
But they want to date the cool/self confident/funny, and sometimes rude guy. |
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gisgo
Emu Egg
Joined: Jun 04, 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:29 pm Post subject: trouble finding a partner, can anyone relate? |
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| Thanks a lot for the advice/suggestions. I am not really too self-confident/cool/at times rude, and everyone I've been the way I am to just wants to be friends. So, it sounds like you're probably right about that. |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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The confidence is the big thing.
Don't try substituting being a
jerk for it, just because it's easier.
A confident nice guy is just fine. |
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Semi_Lost_Serenity
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jun 01, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 157
Location: Insanity
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 10:30 pm Post subject: |
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I'd rather have an overly nice guy than a guy who's trying to wrangle you into bed.
An overly nice guy you can shut up with a death glare. Horny guys...not so much.
Personally, romance is nice in theory, but makes my skin all crawly and sets off the panic alarms.
I'm 25 and I'm just settled on the notion that I will die alone and am slowly getting used to it, one glass of wine at a time.
_________________
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference." Robert Frost |
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woodsman25
The Dude
Joined: May 19, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 2437
Location: NY
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| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 6:44 pm Post subject: |
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I have tryed for years to find dates, at the bar cause thats where everybody is. I hate it and usually get dragged kicking and screming, their is too much chaos for me to handel i retreat to a more quieter place around their if i can and sometimes can engadge women in conversation, buy drinks and things seem ok but i cant get passed the small talk and since i dont read body language and facial expressions quickly she thinks im weird, at least i think thats what she thinks and leave in frustration. I dont know where i can find a good girl who is not NT, i feel only another autisitc girl would understand and it would be easier to have a working relationship with.
I tryed posting this earler, but i dont think im usuing the forum right i typed a bunch and it did not post?? so if you read basicly the same message 2 times thats why.
I really wanna meet new people, people like me and this seems like the place to do it.
_________________
DX'ed with HFA as a child. However this was in 1987 and I am certain had I been DX'ed a few years later I would have been DX'ed with AS instead. |
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MrSinister
Sanity Is Madness
Joined: Oct 20, 2006
Posts: 2599
Location: England
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| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 6:49 pm Post subject: |
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| Semi_Lost_Serenity wrote: | | I'm 25 and I'm just settled on the notion that I will die alone and am slowly getting used to it, one glass of wine at a time. |
I have resigned myself to the fact that I will most likely end up alone, and have had thoughts about becoming a monk because of it. I'm no stranger to celibacy and solitary contemplation, after all...
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Why so serious? |
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rincemeister
Sea Gull
Joined: Jun 19, 2006
Posts: 243
Location: England
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:28 pm Post subject: |
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| I use Rohypnol, gets the girl almost everytime. |
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pbcoll
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 15, 2007
Posts: 1818
Location: England
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject: Re: trouble finding a partner, can anyone relate? |
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| gisgo wrote: | | Hello, I'm new here, my name's Michael Smith, I'm a very compassionate and romantic 26 year old male, but have had no luck meeting girls and connecting. I've had a few dates over the years but they never went anywhere serious. I'm told I'm an attractive and sweet guy, but I don't know what the problem is. Is anyone in the same situation? |
You're in a much better position than me - it is unlikely i will ever even date again in my life. I don't connect with anyone, not even for friendship. I'm just hoping I can ajusrt to it sufficiently to go for a few more decades without becoming violent nor ending in a padded cell.
_________________
I neither take revenge, nor beg for favours. (Rabindranath Tagore)
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka) |
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Izaak
Squeeky Bathtime Companion
Joined: Jun 11, 2007
Posts: 1154
Location: Perth, Western Australia
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 7:33 pm Post subject: |
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Hey gisgo/michael.
As far as a place where meeting single girls is at a premium. Adult learning courses was the advice given to me by my psycologist/counsellor (many years ago before AS.)
If you have an adult learning college near you or community center they tend to run classes for a wide variety of things.
Things like arty type courses, cooking, auto-mobiles, computer or any number of things. By arty I mean drawing/painting/pottery/photography. (The one near me runs everything from beginners to how to draw/paint/sculpt X. As far as cooking is concernered there are things like "cooking for bachelor's bachelorettes", "how to entertain on a budget" etc, as well as the specific styles like Italian/spanish/thai/indian/french/etc... Then there are things like "Finding the old problems on a modern car" (that one was pretty good. Basically it was how to find and fix those problems everyone knows about, but because of all the electrics you can never find. Well, I am handy enough in my old car, but my current one has electrics all over it, and before I took this course I couldn't translate those skills across). Then there are things like how to use specific programs on a computer.
The advice given to me was that the arty ones/the cooking/ and the auto are the best for meeting single women. I have been doing these courses every few months for nigh on 6 years now and still haven't got a date. But from the sounds of things you seem to be able to get a date alright once you're in the situation so you might have better luck than myself.
The problem with keeping a woman once you've gotten a date is something I can not help you with unfortunately.
The other thing to keep in mind is social clubs based on anything you might enjoy. Things like birdwatching/bushwalking/cycling/dancing/astronomy/comuputers/logic puzzles. For most activities there is usually a social group to go along with it. |
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WildMan
Deinonychus
Joined: Nov 05, 2006
Posts: 304
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada
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| Posted: Wed Jun 13, 2007 8:58 pm Post subject: |
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| Izaak wrote: | | For most activities there is usually a social group to go along with it. |
I think that's key. If you go to such a class/gathering/event planning on hitting on chicks while there, it'd be pretty disengenuous, I think. But if there's some kind of informal socialization surrounding this group ("Hey, let's get drinks afterwards") you'd have more room to do your thing. |
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