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LePetitPrince
Feminist activist O_o
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3549
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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 Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:52 am Post subject: Finding bf/gf difficulty: Female Autistics vs Male Autistics |
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According to what I see here and in the chatroom I can easily notice that most heterosexual Adult Male Aspies/Autistics (and even the good-looking of them) are singles and even a *great part* of them had never dated or had a very limited relation experience , I can see that there's a great part who are adult enough and trying and trying in vain in finding a partner , many of them had already gave up and will die single .
In other hand , I can easily observe that this problem is rare among the females counterparts . Most female Aspies/autistics ,whether they are pretty , average-look or ugly ,are married or have boyfriends or they had at least 1 or 2 long-term relationships and they are are being approached by a new guy recently .
I can recall only one female member here who was complaining of never having a date before , but I can't recall how many males were complaining because they are too many .
Of course , I am not saying that the female aspies/autistics don't have autism-related difficulties in their relationships but what i am saying that female aspies/autistics (even the straight females) don't seem have a great difficulty in attracting males and scoring a date unless if they are extremely ugly or fat (but this problem occurs even among NTs too and it's no autism-related). While we can easily see that most males here are desperately trying without any luck .
Last edited by LePetitPrince on Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:10 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 2:59 am Post subject: |
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I am in no way an expert... but I would lend a guess that there are many guys that wouldn't have a problem with Aspie girls.
And on the opposite side of things, girls are pretty put off by AS guys... they may warm up to them eventually... but first impressions aren't going to be great.
Even though AS girls may get more dates... I don't know if that is an enviable position. They probably get accosted by a creepy guys or hurt emotionally.
_________________
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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TheMachine1
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Joined: Jun 12, 2006
Posts: 9092
Location: 9099 will be my last post...what the hell 9011 will be.
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:04 am Post subject: |
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I'm noticing a growing number of males here who do in fact have GFs, wives or had them in the past . Thats a major developmental milestones though. And I would
characterise most of those males as being on the highest functioning end of autism
especially the younger they achieved them.
I think the simply reality of how the courtship process works can explain why there are
fewwer single females though. |
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gwenevyn
asdf forever
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6179
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 3:05 am Post subject: |
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Even in today's society, men are usually the pursuers and women are pursued. When you're the one who gets to do the choosing, you can afford to be choosy.
When you're pursuing someone, any weirdness or social ineptitude you might have is going to come to light pretty quickly. Whereas I think almost all of us here find it easier to respond to advances.
I don't know though... maybe there's another reason, too. I'm a girl and I've certainly been the initiator before, and haven't been rejected but once. Could also be because a few of the typical aspie traits are also traits that a lot of guys like to see in a woman anyhow. |
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22397
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:18 am Post subject: |
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I am quite choosy myself. I am basically looking for an opposite-sex version of myself.
Tim
_________________
When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:29 am Post subject: |
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| Quote: | | Even in today's society, men are usually the pursuers and women are pursued. When you're the one who gets to do the choosing, you can afford to be choosy. |
Sadly, this is true. But, even being pursued,
one has to give signs. Sometimes, this gets
screwed up too.
| Quote: | | When you're pursuing someone, any weirdness or social ineptitude you might have is going to come to light pretty quickly. Whereas I think almost all of us here find it easier to respond to advances. |
I thought so too, but I'm not so positive. If the advances
are blatant, I can handle them, but if I have doubt, it's difficult
to judge whether they are real. On the other hand, the couple
of times I've done an approach, it's been pretty well received -
I just don't have the guts to do it for myself.
| Quote: | | I don't know though... maybe there's another reason, too. I'm a girl and I've certainly been the initiator before, and haven't been rejected but once. Could also be because a few of the typical aspie traits are also traits that a lot of guys like to see in a woman anyhow. |
Most males are willing, as they
don't confuse sex with love. |
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gwenevyn
asdf forever
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6179
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:35 am Post subject: |
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| calandale wrote: | Most males are willing, as they
don't confuse sex with love. |
Who's talking about sex, anyhow? |
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calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:37 am Post subject: |
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| gwenevyn wrote: | | calandale wrote: | Most males are willing, as they
don't confuse sex with love. |
Who's talking about sex, anyhow? |
Ah. But, that is what is usually on the mind.
At least from my experience. |
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gwenevyn
asdf forever
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 6179
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 5:41 am Post subject: |
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Whether it was on my mind or not, I won't tell. 
But I wan't referring to it at any rate. |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4280
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:03 am Post subject: |
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The way my AS problems have related to my difficulties in relationships is that the AS stuff tends to make me really vulnerable...My natural defences are not always there when I need them.
The reasons I have dated anyone at all..(actually I have seldom been single since I hit puberty)....are
a. that I am a musician...(sorta)....My first LTR was with the guitar player of my band..that lasted 6 years even thouh we were incompatable...Several subsequent boyfriends or romantic interests after him were all familiar with me as a musician..or played music with me or wanted to..or something....In fact ALL of my relationships have been based on that premise...I have really only dated 1 non-musician that I can think of
b. I guess I kinda stand out a little bit...(even though physically, I am not a beauty queen)...my non-neurotyical non-conformist ways make me "noticeable".
c. I am sorta like "one of the guys" when i am in a relationship...and guys sometimes seem to like a girl they don't have to treat "all girly-like"...I guess...I am more like a pal...(except when the nasty hormones kick in  )....
The problems..or should I say burdens I cause to the relationships I am in are
a. I don't drive
b. It is hard for me to hold a "normal" job
c. I am a rotten housekeeper...in true egalitarian fashion, if the guy doesn't do any housework, it is hard for me to do any either
d. I throw tantrums/have panic attacks/mood swings...what have you....(but I hear mine are less severe than some)
e. I don't shave
f. (the list could continue on and on and on)
...and nonetheless...I am in a relationship..and have kinda more than my fair share in the past.
The downside to this is that when I AM single...I feel very displaced and kinda wreckless...my social isolation is alot more obvious when I don't have some guy to stand nervously next to. |
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Danielismyname
Alone around people
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 6032
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:17 am Post subject: |
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Not talking
is a great way of killin’ it before it even starts
and when there’s no start there’s no ending
but the answer to that conundrum is for smarter or dumber minds than I
I’m a social baulker
who wasn’t given a choice
though I don’t wish to be a social walker
I’d rather something other than remaining a dream stalker |
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hale_bopp
Ruffle some Feathers
Joined: Nov 03, 2004
Age: 23
Posts: 6333
Location: New Zealand
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:26 am Post subject: |
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Aspergers girls tend to attract attention initially then get ditched which is even more hurtful.
_________________
The www will take you to paradise. |
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LePetitPrince
Feminist activist O_o
Joined: Mar 03, 2006
Age: 26
Posts: 3549
Location: Beirut , Lebanon
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:35 am Post subject: |
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| ^^ ironically , just 2 days ago I was telling someone that being fooled in love is even worse than never being in love before . |
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Bart21
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 29, 2006
Posts: 663
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:37 am Post subject: |
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| poopylungstuffing wrote: | The way my AS problems have related to my difficulties in relationships is that the AS stuff tends to make me really vulnerable...My natural defences are not always there when I need them.
The reasons I have dated anyone at all..(actually I have seldom been single since I hit puberty)....are
a. that I am a musician...(sorta)....My first LTR was with the guitar player of my band..that lasted 6 years even thouh we were incompatable...Several subsequent boyfriends or romantic interests after him were all familiar with me as a musician..or played music with me or wanted to..or something....In fact ALL of my relationships have been based on that premise...I have really only dated 1 non-musician that I can think of
b. I guess I kinda stand out a little bit...(even though physically, I am not a beauty queen)...my non-neurotyical non-conformist ways make me "noticeable".
c. I am sorta like "one of the guys" when i am in a relationship...and guys sometimes seem to like a girl they don't have to treat "all girly-like"...I guess...I am more like a pal...(except when the nasty hormones kick in )....
The problems..or should I say burdens I cause to the relationships I am in are
a. I don't drive
b. It is hard for me to hold a "normal" job
c. I am a rotten housekeeper...in true egalitarian fashion, if the guy doesn't do any housework, it is hard for me to do any either
d. I throw tantrums/have panic attacks/mood swings...what have you....(but I hear mine are less severe than some)
e. I don't shave
f. (the list could continue on and on and on)
...and nonetheless...I am in a relationship..and have kinda more than my fair share in the past.
The downside to this is that when I AM single...I feel very displaced and kinda wreckless...my social isolation is alot more obvious when I don't have some guy to stand nervously next to. |
I've met this type of women before.
Theyr really great to hang around with.
And it's awsome how you can talk to them about anything like you would with male friends.
I always joke about how she should act more feminant, wear pink clothes, and get an orgasm over buying shoes like the girly women.
We have a blast joking about these things. |
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Danielismyname
Alone around people
Joined: Apr 03, 2007
Posts: 6032
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| Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 8:42 am Post subject: |
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Hitched
pitched then ditched
is one-third of the conundrum
and speculating on whether it’s better
to never feel the rain
than ending in pain
is one hell of an assumption
for this man boy duality disruption
that’s why I’ve got a pack full of blood stained letters
that I never send to my betters |
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