 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
TheResistance
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 08, 2007
Posts: 443
|
 Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 12:35 pm Post subject: Men ~ Ten Things To Do To Impress A Lady On A Date!!!!! |
 |
|
1. When the check comes, offer to pay the bill, take out your library card, give it to the waiter, and say, “This should just about cover it.” When the waiter brings the card back and says that it’s not a valid form of payment, apologize to him and your date, take out your Barnes & Noble discount card, give it to the waiter, say, “This oughta do the trick.” Then resume conversation with your date. When he returns again, act frustrated and ask your date if she has a valid form of payment and be very apologetic about it. She will see that you read books and will be very turned-on.
2. If you don’t want to do the library card gambit then say, “I believe in Women’s Lib and insist that we go Dutch.” After the meal, when the check comes, take out a calculator (or pen/pencil) and figure out exactly what each of you owe. Add 10% for a tip. When she says that 10% is a shitty tip, tell her that you don’t believe in tipping. She will see that you are opinionated and passionate about things.
3. When you and your date sit down to eat, briskly take the menu away from her and insist on ordering for both of you. Say, “If you don’t mind, I’ll just order for the two of us. I’m good at this. I’m a foodie.” Order the thing on the menu that you’re most certain she won’t like. Order yourself a hamburger.
4. Or, if you don’t want to do that, then order something for her and nothing for yourself. Tell her that you’re vegan and on a diet. Women love men who aren’t into eating meat or food in general. It’s very sexy and masculine to them.
3. Excuse yourself at some point and say, “Will you pardon me for a sec? I gotta take a big ol’ dump.” (don’t leave out the “ol’” that’s key. If you don’t say, “ol’” it will seem crass. By putting the “ol”’ in it’s kinda cute.) Take a long time in the bathroom. When you return, say something like, “I just lost 30 lbs. in there!” She will find this charming and endearing.
4. When the food comes, place the napkin in your shirt like a bib. Be sure to get tons of food on it to indicate its effectiveness. Once or twice during the meal also use the napkin to blow your nose. Be certain to really dig the napkin into your nostril. She will be very impressed by this.
5. During the meal: Talk only about yourself; Brag about your achievements; Rag on people more successful than you; Come across as bitter and resentful of others; Don’t ask her questions. If you’re depressed, tell her. Tell her about all of your insecurities. Confess to all of your shortcomings - particularly as they relate to sex. If you’re unhappy or unfulfilled in your life, tell her about this. When she begins talking, interrupt her and change the subject.
6. When her meal arrives, touch her food to make sure it’s the right temperature. Do this with her water as well. Make sure it’s cold. Don’t be shy. Use your whole hand.
7. Insist on not ordering dessert. Tell her that you think ordering dessert is bullshit and phony. Tell her that you “absolutely hate” ordering dessert. She will be very intrigued by this. She will find you to be extremely uncomprising and strong.
8. After the meal, insist on not walking her home. Tell her that you “don’t believe” in walking a girl home. Tell her that you believe that “chivalry is dead” and that you’re a “modern man.” She will be blown away by this and she will think that you are extrememely progressive and cool.
9. Try to leave a little bit before her. Tell her that you have “somewhere else to be.”
10. Finally, grab a very big handful of mints on your way out and stuff them in your pocket. Tell her, “You never know when these will come in handy.” She will find this to be very smart and pragmatic thinking.  |
|
| Back to top |
|
Xenon
Mutant Space Bug
Joined: Feb 10, 2006
Posts: 1708
Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 12:38 pm Post subject: |
|
|
_________________
"Some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." -- Emo Philips |
|
| Back to top |
|
Kilroy
Establishment knows whats best
Joined: Apr 25, 2007
Posts: 10471
Location: Driving the Last Spike
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 12:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
your nuts
_________________
Hail Saltandor
supporter for the cure |
|
| Back to top |
|
tomamil
What the #$*!?
Joined: May 14, 2007
Posts: 1358
Location: currently Paris, France, but originally Asteroid B612
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 12:43 pm Post subject: |
|
|
i hope nobody takes this seriously  |
|
| Back to top |
|
iddqd
Sea Gull
Joined: Dec 02, 2006
Posts: 241
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 12:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Man, I do that napkin thing all the time... works wonders for me!  |
|
| Back to top |
|
MagmarFire
Blue Jay
Joined: May 13, 2007
Posts: 93
Location: In a galaxy far, far away...
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 1:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
*to TheResistance* Yeah, but there's still one itsy bitsy, little problem I need to deal with: how to get the date in the first place. 
And Xenon, that emoticon is HILARIOUS!!! |
|
| Back to top |
|
TheResistance
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 08, 2007
Posts: 443
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 2:40 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| tomamil wrote: | | i hope nobody takes this seriously |
You don’t want people to take the above dating tips as common sense advice? Man, no wonder some of the people on WP can't keep their dates |
|
| Back to top |
|
TheResistance
Velociraptor
Joined: Apr 08, 2007
Posts: 443
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 2:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| MagmarFire wrote: | *to TheResistance* Yeah, but there's still one itsy bitsy, little problem I need to deal with: how to get the date in the first place.
And Xenon, that emoticon is HILARIOUS!!! |
Sorry I can’t help you out in that department. I was never the initiator; I was always the one who got asked out first. I am way too shy to ask anybody out on a date  |
|
| Back to top |
|
nicolae
Butterfly
Joined: Jun 04, 2007
Posts: 9
Location: florida
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:12 pm Post subject: 10 things to impress |
|
|
| LOL that was the funniest thing i've read all day. |
|
| Back to top |
|
LabPet
Phoenix
Joined: Jan 05, 2007
Posts: 1825
Location: Alaska
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 3:15 pm Post subject: |
|
|
oh.....My next expectation of you is your bedroom etiquette. She shall now be so entranced with you that she'll want to bear your child - I am sure. Now, for a true story: My previous professor (friend) from some time ago, said when he was really young he took out a girl he had a huge crush on. Naturally, he wanted to impress her and do everything right, like a gentleman (you know how). Inadvertently, when he opened the car door for her and she was seated, he slammed the car door on her fingers - hard. They spent the remainder of the evening in the ER. Anyway, I guess it never worked out between them.......if only he had had your sage advice, Romeo. Way to go.
I am female. From my perspective, ladies, order THE most expensive entree on the menu, a fruity frivolous drink with an umbrella in it, and cherries. And a ridiculously expensive over-the-top dessert, like cherries jubilee flambe. hehehe. Touche! Then, when you use the ladies room, spend a good 20 minutes fixing up your make-up for him. At the table, blot your excessive lipstick on the cloth napkin.
Ok....in sum, it's no wonder Aspies do NOT date and therefore are a dying breed from lack of sexual reproductivity. Aspie men, have you thought about bypassing the whole thing and just freezing your genetically enhanced sperm???? Be sure to bring up this topic on your first date!
_________________
same nightmare, different nap
Lab Pet, therapist slayer
Lab Pet's video: Autism is Synonymous with Science: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYelVlA7kDw |
|
| Back to top |
|
calandale
Stellar's Jay
Joined: Mar 10, 2007
Posts: 15131
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 4:09 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Wow. I think I could manage something
similar to most of this. If only I could
get someone, I'd test these out post
haste. |
|
| Back to top |
|
AnonymousAnonymous
More Riddler than Joker
Joined: Nov 24, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6847
Location: Portland, Oregon
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 7:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
For anyone not yet 18 {this goes for Juliets as well}:
1.} At school, be as courteous as possible. Although this will freak some people out, members of the opposite gender will get turned on by this.
2.} During classtime work, talk as much as you can think of relating to the subject.
Members of the opposite gender will believe you are smart and intriguing.
3.} DO wear dark clothing, without going emo on everyone.
Dark clothing will make you look more mysterious.
4.} During lunch periods, never sit on the hallway floor.
Find a bench or avalible chairs to enjoy your meal. People will think you have a clean streak and that's good because it attracts people.
5.} DO sit with members of the opposite gender.
Listen in on conversation and jump in when you feel it is appropriate.
I can vouch for this because in a Lit/Comp class, a friend & I are the only two guys left post-seniors and we are loving it!   
_________________
It's time to introduce a little anarchy. |
|
| Back to top |
|
MagmarFire
Blue Jay
Joined: May 13, 2007
Posts: 93
Location: In a galaxy far, far away...
|
| Posted: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| I like what you're saying, AnonymousAnonymous. I really need to refer back to this when I start school again this fall. |
|
| Back to top |
|
GoatMan
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 05, 2007
Age: 25
Posts: 313
Location: Beaverton, Oregon
|
| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 2:46 am Post subject: |
|
|
| LabPet wrote: | | Ok....in sum, it's no wonder Aspies do NOT date and therefore are a dying breed from lack of sexual reproductivity. Aspie men, have you thought about bypassing the whole thing and just freezing your genetically enhanced sperm???? Be sure to bring up this topic on your first date! |
I was actually considering making a clone army of myself to extract revenge on the rest of the world. Wasting it on a female to love and coddle my future dogs of war seems inefficient.
_________________
My motto:
Study like a scholar
Act like a gentleman
Dress like a soldier |
|
| Back to top |
|
spirited
Snowy Owl
Joined: Dec 15, 2006
Posts: 143
|
| Posted: Mon Jun 11, 2007 9:10 am Post subject: Re: Men ~ Ten Things To Do To Impress A Lady On A Date!!!!! |
|
|
| TheResistance wrote: | 1. When the check comes, offer to pay the bill, take out your library card, give it to the waiter, and say, “This should just about cover it.” When the waiter brings the card back and says that it’s not a valid form of payment, apologize to him and your date, take out your Barnes & Noble discount card, give it to the waiter, say, “This oughta do the trick.” Then resume conversation with your date. When he returns again, act frustrated and ask your date if she has a valid form of payment and be very apologetic about it. She will see that you read books and will be very turned-on.
2. If you don’t want to do the library card gambit then say, “I believe in Women’s Lib and insist that we go Dutch.” After the meal, when the check comes, take out a calculator (or pen/pencil) and figure out exactly what each of you owe. Add 10% for a tip. When she says that 10% is a shitty tip, tell her that you don’t believe in tipping. She will see that you are opinionated and passionate about things.
3. When you and your date sit down to eat, briskly take the menu away from her and insist on ordering for both of you. Say, “If you don’t mind, I’ll just order for the two of us. I’m good at this. I’m a foodie.” Order the thing on the menu that you’re most certain she won’t like. Order yourself a hamburger.
4. Or, if you don’t want to do that, then order something for her and nothing for yourself. Tell her that you’re vegan and on a diet. Women love men who aren’t into eating meat or food in general. It’s very sexy and masculine to them.
3. Excuse yourself at some point and say, “Will you pardon me for a sec? I gotta take a big ol’ dump.” (don’t leave out the “ol’” that’s key. If you don’t say, “ol’” it will seem crass. By putting the “ol”’ in it’s kinda cute.) Take a long time in the bathroom. When you return, say something like, “I just lost 30 lbs. in there!” She will find this charming and endearing.
4. When the food comes, place the napkin in your shirt like a bib. Be sure to get tons of food on it to indicate its effectiveness. Once or twice during the meal also use the napkin to blow your nose. Be certain to really dig the napkin into your nostril. She will be very impressed by this.
5. During the meal: Talk only about yourself; Brag about your achievements; Rag on people more successful than you; Come across as bitter and resentful of others; Don’t ask her questions. If you’re depressed, tell her. Tell her about all of your insecurities. Confess to all of your shortcomings - particularly as they relate to sex. If you’re unhappy or unfulfilled in your life, tell her about this. When she begins talking, interrupt her and change the subject.
6. When her meal arrives, touch her food to make sure it’s the right temperature. Do this with her water as well. Make sure it’s cold. Don’t be shy. Use your whole hand.
7. Insist on not ordering dessert. Tell her that you think ordering dessert is bullshit and phony. Tell her that you “absolutely hate” ordering dessert. She will be very intrigued by this. She will find you to be extremely uncomprising and strong.
8. After the meal, insist on not walking her home. Tell her that you “don’t believe” in walking a girl home. Tell her that you believe that “chivalry is dead” and that you’re a “modern man.” She will be blown away by this and she will think that you are extrememely progressive and cool.
9. Try to leave a little bit before her. Tell her that you have “somewhere else to be.”
10. Finally, grab a very big handful of mints on your way out and stuff them in your pocket. Tell her, “You never know when these will come in handy.” She will find this to be very smart and pragmatic thinking. |
That is hilarious! If a man actually did that with me, I would get up and leave. Probebly before the first two or three were done. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
