I'm new and this place seems like the right planet

bigizz · Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 9:39 pm Post subject:

I always have a hard time with introductions so I’ll skip the pleasantries. My name is Matt and I learned that I have AS a few days ago and it may be the most important thing I have ever learned in my life. Suddenly the last 24 years, 11 months all make sense whereas they never had before. Reading about the condition and hearing those who share it is like reading about my life. In fact this forum is a very strange place for me – I have never met anyone like me before but here everyone seems just like me. I usually struggle with online forums. I love to lurk but never like to post and if I do, I do so with little success. The reasons why are obvious to me now but I figured I would give it a shot here because everyone here seems to think the way I do. I find talking with most NT people almost intolerable. Conversations are very shallow, very superficial and largely bore me. I’m sure that won’t be the case here and hope very much you will welcome me into your community.

The past few days have been a blur. I have so much to think about, so much to analyze. I feel like I need to go back over everything I have ever done, said or thought and apply AS to my mindset. I am also not sure how to move forward. I have a friend who has helped me a great deal, in fact she is studying psychology and jokingly suggested a few months back I have Asperger’s. When she explained it was a type of autism I couldn’t understand. Me? Autism? Impossible. I am highly intelligent. Unfortunately my knowledge on the subject was very limited and I was simply basing my opinion on the negative light in which autistic children are portrayed in our society. In fact it was a subject that brought me pain and discomfort to think about. Of course now I realize how wrong I was and can only wonder if the stereotypical low level autistic children I was exposed to are actually more like me than most everyone else on the planet. I guess this lesson alone was a very important one.

My friend feels I should go get a formal diagnosis, I don’t really see the point. I know I have AS, I have never been surer of anything in my life. I don’t care if some doctor I’ve never met before agrees, I don’t need some certificate stamped with Asperger’s. I really have no use for a doctor, now that I realize there is nothing wrong with me. I have struggled with depression in the past but pulled myself out of it and am finding my most recent discovery to be quite a relief. I want to nurture my gift now; I’ve spent my entire life trying to cover it up. I wouldn’t trade AS for anything in the world. If there was “cure,” I wouldn’t be interested. I feel like I can be myself for the first time because, for the first time, I know who myself is. Still, it might be nice to learn some skills that would allow me to cope better with mainstream society.

I have so much more to learn and AS has already become an “obsession” of mine. If anyone has any advice for me, or would just like to say hello back, I would welcome it. You have no idea what a comfort everyone here is even though I have never met or spoken to any of you.