Scared of Sport time, or more the people who will be there

FieryGatoh · Posted: Sat Aug 23, 2008 2:21 pm Post subject:

To understand what I'm talking about, you need alittle back story.

A couple of days ago, at Sports time, I was reading a book. The popular people were sitting nearby, and since I don't really like being close to people I had edged away. I was sitting in the sun, and I don't really like that, but it was better than sitting close to the populars.

Anyway, one of my friends came over and to move me somewhere else where I could sit in the shade, since she knows I don't like the sun. One of the populars asked if she was friends with me, and my friend said 'Nah, of course I am'. The populars then started telling her not to speak like that to them, and when she took a drink out of her water bottle, they started saying 'You bring a bottle to school?', to which my friend replied 'Yeah, so?'. After that there was a bit of an exchange, nothing too bad, and then my friend left. I told them not to pick on her, and one of them said 'Your lucky I don't go over there and slap you'. I told them it was lucky I didn't go over there and slap them back.

They were all acting like it was a joke, and they kinda laughed at it and stuff, so I figured it was okay. I put my book away and went to join my friends. A couple of minutes later the populars came back and started saying I had said I was going to smack them, swearing at us and calling us sluts and whores. That didn't really bother us much, since we all now perfectly well that we aren't either. My friend sort of argued back, though it wasn't really arguing, and soon they left.

A couple of minutes after that they came to stand near us. They had got hold of this ball, and started to play 'cartch', where the aim of the came was to hit me with it whilst pretending that they had just missed. I asked them (very politely considering) for them to please stop it, and they started yelling at me that they were just playing a game. Then, one of them started cirling me, all whilst they are still yelling at me.

That was when things started to get out of hand. I don't like being close to people, I like having my space. I don't like crowds, and if their is one then I'll be as far away as the situation will allow. Even when sitting with my friends, I have to be a little seperated from the rest of the group, otherwise I start feeling nervous.

Anyway, they all started ganging up on me. More people were coming. They started saying my braces were ugly, that I was a slut, that I should stop acting British and a whole heap of meaningless and pointless stuff. But away, the all started to crowd around me, yelling at me and saying stuff. It gets kind of fuzzy after that. All I know is that I was freaked out, that I felt really tense and scared.

So, I lashed out. The first time I missed. I remember my friend pulling me back, but I managed to break away. Today I learn't that I acutally hit her, but I didn't realize. All I know is that I managed to hit one of them across the back, and I must of struck another person too. I remember her pushing me back, and I was ready to spring at her when the teacher came to break it up. She sent away from the group, and we stayed there for a while.

Then this complete idiot of a teacher asks us what we were doing there, and that we had to go, since it was the other teachers responsibility. We got up and left, but I kind of stopped halfway down the stairs. The idea of going back down scared me too much. But the teacher starts yelling at us 'GO!' and so we had to move. On the way back the populars started yelling at me again, and I think I yelled back, but I don't really know.

So, thats the backstory.

- - -

Going to school for the next few days was tough. I was getting glares from all directions, I couldn't even go to the bathroom without one of my friends coming with me. We had to hold this stupid conference thing with the supervisor. Big deal.

This isn't the first time I've been latched on like this. Sure its the first time I've acutally turned around and resorted to physical violence, but the attacking has been going on since last year, when I arrived at this school. I know the score as far as this stuff in concerned, and I know nothing is going to come out of these stupid conference things. They got detentions; and that makes up for how I feel after it? I don't think so.

I am even more paranoid than before; When someone looks at me, I automatically thing they are planning or thinking something. When someone steps too close, I think they are going to gang up on me. I've never been able to trust anyone, but now things have been taken to a new level. That teacher who yelled at us after the incident has made a big impact too; Couldn't he see I was distressed? Why should I trust a teacher if they treat me like a criminal?

The next few days at school I am dreading, but its sports day that I fear the most. Since the only classes I am in with those people is PE, I only see them between classes and at break, and then anything they can too to me is rather limited without everyone else seeing exactly what happens.

However, this week we are doing selections. This means that everyone who is trying out for a sport goes down to the hall, whilst the rest of the people are split into groups and sent into the different blocks to watch movies. Girls of the same year are always grouped together. So I'm going to be stuck in the same room as them, and without the ability to move away or anything. If it was a normal sports day, it would be hell. On selections, its worse than hell.

I have no idea why they decided to start focussing their attacks on me, but I do know that if they start to gang up on me again, I might not be able to restrain myself. When I'm angry I get stronger; If it hadn't been for the fact that I missed on my first attempt at hitting them I know I could have done some serious damage. If I am cornered, I fight back. Normally, I'll just turn away, leave the situation. But this was the first time I had ever felt as though there was no other way than to lash out.

Yet, the truth is that the next day I went to school I felt as if everything had changed. Many people had seen what had happened, and it felt like I was shedding my previous skin. No longer would people be able to judge me as the one who never fights back. The hunter had become the hunted and that sort of thing.

But, I am still scared. After the glares and comments I've heard in the corridors and at breaks, I doubt that Sport is going to go smoothly for me.

(Sorry for the title. I wasn't really sure how to word it)