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nocturn
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 24, 2005
Posts: 27
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 Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:22 am Post subject: Breaking with family |
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I recently told my parents about Asperger. They were downright hostile about me having it, saying there was nothing wrong with me (as though I attacked them).
Later, everyting escalated. It seems they had been gossiping arround my back about me and my wife to just about everyone. It also turns out they never liked my wife (we've been together a long time).
I just got so sick and tired of them always putting me down, and now turning on my family that I'm breaking with them. Not an easy thing to do.
I'm also wondering, they lied to me about a lot of things (like telling people things behind my back), so now everything they ever said to me can be a lie.
Sigh, I think it will be allright, but it's gonna take a while. |
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BeeBee
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 01, 2005
Posts: 2257
Location: Upper Midwest, USA
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:28 am Post subject: |
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How frustrating that your parents weren't able to here you with an open mind. It must have hurt.
And talking about you behind your back! That's just unacceptable.
It is difficult to cut off family. I needed to do that for a while with my Dad. Try to keep an open ming. Things might change in the future or maybe you'll end up having a different, not quit complete relationship with them. For now, you need to do what you need to do.
Take care of yourself during this difficult time.
BeeBee |
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nocturn
Tufted Titmouse
Joined: Mar 24, 2005
Posts: 27
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:48 am Post subject: |
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| BeeBee wrote: | How frustrating that your parents weren't able to here you with an open mind. It must have hurt.
And talking about you behind your back! That's just unacceptable.
It is difficult to cut off family. I needed to do that for a while with my Dad. Try to keep an open ming. Things might change in the future or maybe you'll end up having a different, not quit complete relationship with them. For now, you need to do what you need to do.
Take care of yourself during this difficult time.
BeeBee |
Thanks BeeBee, it does hurt a lot. But this time it is not just me they are hurting, it is my wife and son too, which is unacceptable.
Thanks again for your kind words, it really helps. |
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rumio
Toucan
Joined: May 23, 2005
Posts: 257
Location: uk
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 10:53 am Post subject: |
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I haven't spoken to my mother about it yet, I suspect she would take it personally and would blame herself.
But one thing I've definitely noticed is how hostile people generally are when I start telling them about asperger's. Some people get very defensive and will come up with a list of stuff which in their view excludes me from the diagnosis. In fact there's only been one person I've told who was willing to accept what I said at face value and didn't immediately take it upon themselves to disabuse me of the notion. |
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larsenjw92286
Your invitation to come on down!
Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 8858
Location: Seattle, Washington
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 11:11 am Post subject: |
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Nocturn:
I feel similar to you in a way.
My father drank a lot. He has not been very nice to me, and if he were to hear about the fact that I have AS, I am not sure how he would have taken it.
My cousin drinks a lot also. She is very smart, but I think her friends have turned her into a self-centered person. However, she has a child now, and I think she has improved just a little bit. She does care about me also.
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Jason Larsen
gameshowdude1986@yahoo.com |
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pizzaboss
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 13, 2004
Posts: 755
Location: Fulton, NY
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:07 pm Post subject: |
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| I wish you well. |
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larsenjw92286
Your invitation to come on down!
Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 8858
Location: Seattle, Washington
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 12:09 pm Post subject: |
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Thank you. I meant to mention that my dad is still alive.
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Jason Larsen
gameshowdude1986@yahoo.com |
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Prometheus
Mindless Philosopher
Joined: May 06, 2005
Posts: 1506
Location: Through the plexiglass
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 4:28 pm Post subject: |
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My parents are in deep denial that anything is wrong with me, even though I can barely make eye contact with them and spend all my time alone on my obessions.
*shrugs*
but at least they did not explode like your parents. . .right now we just co-exsist.
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All your bass are belong to us. |
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Mockingbird
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2005
Posts: 1169
Location: Upstate New York
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| Posted: Fri Jul 01, 2005 9:59 pm Post subject: |
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Apparently my parents knew about my AS before I did(the fact that they didn't tell me...they found out when I was 16...really irritates me  ) My Mom seems to want to turn me into an NT overnight, and it's hard for her to deal with some of the things I cannot change. Sometimes she makes me feel bad about certain parts of my AS, like obsessions or my lack of empathy. I think she has a very hard time really accepting my AS. For her other side, she and my sister are a huge help to me in learning to be socially correct. My Dad, on the other hand, is fine with it all, although he has serious problems in other areas, in regards to my AS he couldn't be better. Although there are many things I would change, I'm very glad my parents are the way they are, considering how they could be  |
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Young_fogey
Deinonychus
Joined: Sep 23, 2004
Posts: 315
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| Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 3:02 am Post subject: Reply |
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Didn't know about AS 16 years ago but made the break back then and it's permanent.
I may not be much compared to normal people but would have been far less if I hadn't. |
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MovieMogul
Toucan
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Joined: Jul 08, 2005
Posts: 260
Location: In front of my monitor in Logan, Qld, Australia
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| Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 4:20 am Post subject: |
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| Mockingbird wrote: | | Apparently my parents knew about my AS before I did(the fact that they didn't tell me...they found out when I was 16...really irritates me ) My Mom seems to want to turn me into an NT overnight, and it's hard for her to deal with some of the things I cannot change. Sometimes she makes me feel bad about certain parts of my AS, like obsessions or my lack of empathy. I think she has a very hard time really accepting my AS. For her other side, she and my sister are a huge help to me in learning to be socially correct. My Dad, on the other hand, is fine with it all, although he has serious problems in other areas, in regards to my AS he couldn't be better. Although there are many things I would change, I'm very glad my parents are the way they are, considering how they could be |
Hey, I'm in the same boat. I think my mother clued on to the possibility of me having Asperger's, when I turned out "almost positive" for ADD. That was in 1998. At the time I had no clue, but my aunt told me a couple years ago, that my mother had mentioned it to her.
Despite being aware of it, she still got angry when I didn't welcome guests, kept telling me 'theres more than just [this] or [that]! (referring to my obsessions)'. Somehow, she seemed to think that if I didn't know, then I didn't have any reason or excuse for my actions. Rather than accomodating my needs and accepting my differences, she kept treating me like an NT.
So, I have an agreement with my mother that she doesn't know about (kinda like with her knowing about my Aspergers). We live under the same roof, but I live in a different home. I'll sleep and eat here for free, but the moment I leave home, I won't be talking to her again. I can't describe how much pain she's thrown my way. If she had accepted my Aspergers (even if she didn't tell me), my life would've been much easier.
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My type of joke... 'Three guys walk into a bar. One of them is a wee bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitibility.'
http://actionman133.isa-geek.net:8080/ |
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jmatucd
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 24, 2005
Posts: 242
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| Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:38 am Post subject: |
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my parents are in denial. they are even mocking me at this point. I can't even get respect from anyone anymore. such is life
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Woof, Bark ( jmat ) |
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MovieMogul
Toucan
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Joined: Jul 08, 2005
Posts: 260
Location: In front of my monitor in Logan, Qld, Australia
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| Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 5:41 am Post subject: |
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Hey... everyone here has respect for you.
Have you actually been diagnosed? Or are you thinking that you might have it? If you haven't actually been officially diagnosed with Aspergers, then I can understand their denial; there is no proof. But if you HAVE been told that you have it, then I guess you and I are in the same boat.
_________________
My type of joke... 'Three guys walk into a bar. One of them is a wee bit stupid, and the whole scene unfolds with a tedious inevitibility.'
http://actionman133.isa-geek.net:8080/ |
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 33
Posts: 20848
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates, somewhere in Canada :O)
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| Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 8:04 am Post subject: |
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| I don't have the luxury of breaking with my Family. Being the chatty little "Cockney" that I am, I can't be alone by myself for more than 10 days. I can make it work with my Family Members...I know I can! And I wake up and realise my reality. However, I feel Empathy for those of you who are having problems with your folks. |
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duncvis
Stroppy Get
Joined: Sep 11, 2004
Posts: 2286
Location: the dark side of the net
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| Posted: Sun Jul 10, 2005 9:38 am Post subject: |
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I like my family a lot better from a distance. I used their house as a dorm pretty much from being about 16/17, and slept mostly at Mel's parents once we got together. I finally picked up my stuff and moved into a flat with Mel when I was 19 so I have been gone ten years and couldn't imagine living with them. *shudder*
I get on well with my dad, and while growing up with him was rocky as we're probably too similar I have a lot of respect for him now. I have little to do with my sister who is very conventional. My mum is the biggest source of frustration for me - she is still trying to cling to the notion that 'you didn't do bad' - she had suspected I was probably on the spectrum many years ago, and DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL ME, even after I got married, and alarm bells started ringing over our eldest son. She only conceded that she had a feeling we were both autistic after he was referred by his school for diagnosis of AS. I can't forgive her unfortunately, her actions robbed Mel of a choice, me of a career and my son of early help.
So thats why I don't see much of my family anyway... |
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