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BitterGeek
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 189
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 Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 5:48 pm Post subject: Trust |
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| Does anybody here have trust issues? |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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 Ask anyone who knows me. Short answer: yes.
Look at the concept of trust logically. What does trust ask you to do? - believe in something or somebody without any shred of evidence that the belief is founded. Generally, people who ask you most often to trust them are the people with the most to hide. If they weren't doing something suspicious, they wouldn't need to ask about trust - it would just be a given. So it only makes sense not to trust. |
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sparkman
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 17, 2005
Age: 25
Posts: 186
Location: N Ireland
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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| That is very true. |
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adversarial
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 09, 2005
Posts: 544
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 8:34 pm Post subject: |
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Trust no-one is a phrase from one of my preferred TV Programmes, though I think it has applicability in everyday life.
I was always told that I 'needed' to 'take risks' and trust people. When I did so, I was more often than not left to regret my mistakes.
I have fewer trust issues now, because I do not make the mistake of placing trust too often.
| pyraxis wrote: | | Generally, people who ask you most often to trust them are the people with the most to hide |
This is what I found to be true as well. I became reasonably skilled at knowing who was trying to rip me off; they were always the ones who said 'trust me'. |
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yealc
Phoenix
Joined: Aug 04, 2005
Posts: 519
Location: Denver CO
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 8:59 pm Post subject: |
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quote from me to my husband and boss. "I don't mind giving the benifit of the doubt but there is no doubt!" Quote from me to guy with crush on me "No one here is trustworthy least of all me"
So in a word YES!
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Yvette (yealc)
"I never could get the hang of Thursdays" |
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Mockingbird
Phoenix
Joined: Feb 18, 2005
Posts: 1169
Location: Upstate New York
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, I can't trust anyone, either. In my experience when you trust somebody they use everything you give them against you. It's best to never trust anyone. I can't remember the last time I really trusted someone. I wish I could trust, though |
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BitterGeek
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 189
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:42 pm Post subject: |
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| I have a fair amount of trust issues stemming from not being able to read people. You think you understand that person but in the end you missed the cluephone. They were out to use you. |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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| Yeah, that's where a lot of mine come from. It's not about having been hurt in the past, more like being unable to predict the future. I have no problem with being manipulated - I see all human communication as manipulation in one form or another - but if I can't read your motives, I don't know how to deal with you. |
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BitterGeek
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 06, 2005
Posts: 189
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 9:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Then there are friends that really aren't your friends. |
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earthmonkey
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 06, 2005
Age: 18
Posts: 509
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 10:42 pm Post subject: |
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To me, I figure that a trustworthy person is one who will disclose the information to you, because the people who deserve to be trusted are the people who are open about their motives.
I suppose there'd be an exception if there were five seconds before you would mysteriously die and someone asked you to trust them to do something risky to survive. 
Other than that, I need to have as many facts as are available so I can evaluate the plan/situation in order to determine what the most logical decision is. Besides, people are unpredictable, so even a really nice person who you think you like or love could end up taking advantage of you...or killing you. Either way.
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"Public transportation is for jerks and lesbians." --Homer Simpson
"why is it bad for me to discuss why I need the lights off above my desk but it is ok for you to tell me you had a camera shoved up your a#$?" --an aspie coming out |
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Sarcastic_Name
Don't look.
Joined: Mar 27, 2005
Age: 20
Posts: 3582
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| Posted: Sun Aug 14, 2005 11:35 pm Post subject: |
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I don't trust most people. That doesn't matter though, I don't like most people too.
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animallover
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2004
Posts: 759
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 1:08 am Post subject: |
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One of my basic rules for human behavior - the most basic - is that if someone is talking you can bet they are lying - therefore the goal is to figure out how much each person is lying to you - this is not conducive to trust . . .
I would love to abandon this rule, but every time I try it is proved correct . . . |
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pyraxis
Phoenix
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Joined: Mar 26, 2005
Posts: 1527
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 2:08 am Post subject: |
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Problem is, the average person invests far too much time and energy in lying to themselves. How can they possibly be honest with someone else?
I go by the rule that everyone somehow, on some level, believes that he (she) is acting in his (her) own self interest. With the number of knots the human mind can tie itself into, this leads to some pretty bizarre and self-defeating behavior. But the survival force is a strong one. So if you can figure out a person's baseline motivation, even if they lie to you, you know what's motivating the lie, so you can predict it - and, to a degree, trust it. |
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vetivert
gagged, but never silent
Joined: Sep 18, 2004
Posts: 5768
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 3:33 am Post subject: |
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| yep. i either don't trust anyone at all or (usually with partners), i trust them implicitly, and get shat on. miserable, isn't it? |
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Sean
Banned
Joined: Apr 04, 2005
Posts: 3503
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| Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 5:04 am Post subject: |
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| I have lots of issues when it comes to trusting people. I don't know where or how to start explaining it, so I'll leave it at that. Paranoia is a much better policy to live by anyway. |
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