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Spargelzeit
Raven
Joined: Jun 26, 2007
Posts: 102
Location: Netherlands
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 Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 10:40 am Post subject: Calling people by their names |
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Hi there,
Do you also feel an urge to avoid calling people by the name? A couple of years ago I realised that people say "Hi..." and then my name. It sounds nice and attentive.
Now I try to do the same ("Hi, Jan", "Hello, Hans"), but I very often forget to do it. This also makes it difficult for me to ask people things. And when I do have to ask them smth, and I start by saying: "Hans... erm..." it feels like making a great effort and I can *hear* myself say the name so clearly. I realise that it just takes practice.
I also remember writing postcards to my parents without saying "Hi mom & dad..." first, but by just starting off with "Mountains here are very steep, so these young formations...etc.", with a joke here and there. Now I do greet people first *whenever* I write postcard.
Do you also tend to avoid names? Is it an Aspie-thing?
Best regards,
S. |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2609
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 10:51 am Post subject: |
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Yes. It used to feel extremely awkward to me and I wouldn't do it. Nowadays it comes natural, after I trained myself. And it makes a world of a difference with people. Very similar to looking people in the eye.
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KBABZ
Third Technician, Chicken Soup Machine Repairman
Joined: Sep 21, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6544
Location: Middle Earth. Er, I mean Wellywood. Wait, Wellington.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:06 am Post subject: |
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I realise just now that I never call people specifically by their names unless they're with a group of people and I want to speak to just one of them, otherwise I get by with the greetig "Hey man!" or even just "Hey!"
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Irulan
The Borg Queen
Joined: May 18, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1934
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:06 am Post subject: |
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I also try to avoid people's names but I have no idea whether it has something in common with AS. Maybe it's connected with a lack of theory of mind - I mean, somebody with AS feels separated from others who are perceived to be more like objects, a kind of big meat robots (a living tissue on metal endoskeleton  ) than other people with their feelings, conscious thoughts; those who also have their inside worlds of thoughts. Maybe avoiding other people's names is a subconscious attempt of dehumanizing them - when you've already reckognized them the robots you are not under an obligation to strike up an acquaintance with them; you know that despite your efforts you'll not fit to them so you even don't try to enter into relations with people. |
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psychotic
Banned
Joined: Jul 01, 2007
Posts: 281
Location: Floating through space
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:07 am Post subject: |
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| I used to do it then I accidentally called someone the wrong name once and stopped doing it for fear of repeating the same mistake |
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KBABZ
Third Technician, Chicken Soup Machine Repairman
Joined: Sep 21, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6544
Location: Middle Earth. Er, I mean Wellywood. Wait, Wellington.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:08 am Post subject: |
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The only person who I frequently call by their first name/nickname is Sophie/Star(buline).
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And sadness turned to comfort
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psychotic
Banned
Joined: Jul 01, 2007
Posts: 281
Location: Floating through space
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:09 am Post subject: |
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| I'll also add to this day I feel uncomfortable calling people by their names, especially their nicknames, because I'm afraid they would rather be called something else. |
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Irulan
The Borg Queen
Joined: May 18, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 1934
Location: Poland
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:11 am Post subject: |
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| I especially hate using diminutives and I never do it calling people by their names. |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4282
Location: not otherwise specified
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:13 am Post subject: |
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i have a very hard time with this as well...in fact I very seldom call people by their name...I also have an abnormally hard time knowing what people's names are as well. I can be acquainted with some people for years and still have a difficult time remembering their name.
I also have a tendancy to "rename" people...sorta..
Likesay I call my boyfriend in reference "Flakey"when that is not his real name....
But I refer to him in speaking to him as Briann-ee or Mr. Brians or Brianings or Mr. Flakey or Flakey Flakes...etc...
I call alot of my more familiar male acquaintancs Mr. "so and so"...i.e. Mr. Grubbs..out of sorta joking formality...but I am more comfortable with this than calling them by their first name.
I also have a hard time telling people my name when asked. It just feels wierd...
I seldom even call my cats by their given names....and I use this silly formality with all female animals where I call them Missa... I call my cats Missa Lovey Missa Hatey, and Babyclaw or miss claw claw or some other random variation(her real name is Clawdia)..i will also call any female cat "Miss Battee" for some reason.
For male animals it's Bubba...to a male dog who's name I don't know, I will say "Hello Bubba dog" etc....
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larsenjw92286
Your invitation to come on down!
Joined: Aug 31, 2004
Age: 22
Posts: 8858
Location: Seattle, Washington
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:17 am Post subject: |
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I am on a first-name basis with everyone here, so I'll tell you right now, my name is Jason!
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CockneyRebel
Sid The Love Rat is a Sweet Pea :O)
Joined: Jul 18, 2004
Age: 34
Posts: 21178
Location: Out in the evening, with me two best Rat Mates :O)
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:21 am Post subject: |
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There's a member that I communicate with, through PMs. The next time I respond, I'll start the reply by addressing him by his real name, in order to get in the practice.  |
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poopylungstuffing
"Ultimate Creative Oddball"
Joined: Mar 09, 2007
Age: 33
Posts: 4282
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KBABZ
Third Technician, Chicken Soup Machine Repairman
Joined: Sep 21, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6544
Location: Middle Earth. Er, I mean Wellywood. Wait, Wellington.
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:26 am Post subject: |
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It depends on my mood whether or not I want to be called by my first name Online.
_________________
I was sad when I found that she left
But then I found
That I could speak to her,
In a way
And sadness turned to comfort
We all go there |
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girl7000
Majestic Eagle Owl
Joined: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 1263
Location: Somewhere in the Atlantic
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:48 am Post subject: Re: Calling people by their names |
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| Spargelzeit wrote: | Hi there,
Do you also feel an urge to avoid calling people by the name? A couple of years ago I realised that people say "Hi..." and then my name. It sounds nice and attentive.
Now I try to do the same ("Hi, Jan", "Hello, Hans"), but I very often forget to do it. This also makes it difficult for me to ask people things. And when I do have to ask them smth, and I start by saying: "Hans... erm..." it feels like making a great effort and I can *hear* myself say the name so clearly. I realise that it just takes practice.
I also remember writing postcards to my parents without saying "Hi mom & dad..." first, but by just starting off with "Mountains here are very steep, so these young formations...etc.", with a joke here and there. Now I do greet people first *whenever* I write postcard.
Do you also tend to avoid names? Is it an Aspie-thing?
Best regards,
S. |
I've had this problem too ever since I was a young child. I remember my parents disciplining me for it.
I didn't (and still don't) feel comfortable calling people by their names - I really have to try hard to force myself to do it.
I don't know why - it is like I can't connect people with names and identities in my head.
I find it much easier to call objects by their names (yes, I name objects...okay????) than people.
I don't like to be called by my first name online unless it is someone I know and feel comfortable with. |
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BugsMom
Sea Gull
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Posts: 205
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| Posted: Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:54 am Post subject: |
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Yes, I have this problem too! It just doesn't feel natural for me to call someone by their name during a conversation. I only do it if I specifically need to address someone in a group.
My dad is one of those people who uses a person's name frequently while talking to them: "Yes, Bob....really, Bob?....that's great, Bob." It always sounds so odd to me. |
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