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MomofAlex
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 15, 2007
Posts: 7
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 Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 8:44 pm Post subject: Newbie Mom |
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Hi all - brand new at this whole thing. I have a 7 yr. old son, already diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, and we have a referral for Aspergers testing. I've done some research though, and there's no doubt in my mind. I think they watched Alex for a couple of weeks and then wrote the book. I'm struggling quite a bit with the realization that there's never going to be a "lightbulb" that goes on in his head, and he then "gets it". All the social stuff that's just coming now, because of his age. Anyway, I'm hoping to find some other moms who have BTDT already  . Thanks |
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foxman
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 18, 2007
Posts: 554
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| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:07 pm Post subject: |
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blessedmom
Cynically Optimistic Daydreamer
Joined: Apr 10, 2007
Posts: 4285
Location: Western Canada
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| Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2007 9:12 pm Post subject: |
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Hi, Mom of Alex. I am the mom of 2 Aspies, S is 16 and T2 is 13. They were both diagnosed at the beginning of the year. It is hard when you realize that the child that you had hopes and dreams for has a neurobiological difference. I too was rather disheartened. In the time since diagnosis I have realized that I do still have hopes and dreams for them, they are just a little different than before. The upside is that they are now reasonable dreams.
And the good news that I can tell you is that even though there is no magical switch to make them "get it", there are many, many small steps and learned reactions that are cause for celebration almost everyday. For example, my oldest son didn't learn how to tie his shoes until one day when he was 14 and "just suddenly realized how" as he told me. And my 13 year old picked out and paid for his own shoes last week. That goal seemed unattainable just 6 months ago. He was so shy and unsure of himself. I find myself telling my oldest son that he needs to take his cell phone when he goes for coffee with friends so I know where he is. Two years ago he didn't have 1 friend and never left the house. It is truly amazing and we celebrate it all.
My thoughts are with you and your son. 
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Jennyfoo
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 06, 2006
Posts: 527
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 3:59 am Post subject: |
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Welcome. I have a 9 y/o daughter who is diagnosed HFA- non-specific, but I'm sure it's Asperger's. The book could be based on her too My 5 y/o boy has yet to be tested, but he fits the bill too. Oh, and so does my hubby and myself, so I guess we're no strangers to dealing with Asperger's and we never did "Get it", but we seem to be doing alright, at least most of the time.
It's amazing what people with HFA and Asperger's can manage to acheive in their lives. I'm sure you'll see it firsthand some day. |
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Corsarzs
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 03, 2007
Posts: 449
Location: Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Tue Jul 17, 2007 9:17 pm Post subject: |
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Welcome, As you and your son grow together you will find a lot of help and support here. Do not abandon hope this is not Dante's Inferno. Z has made tremendous progress, still has work to do but tries very hard. Your son will too with your love and support. Come here when you need to laugh, cry or just cuss this difficult and ignorant world. There are a lot of moms here who understand and even a couple of us dads who have an inkling of what you are going through.
I can promise you one thing, your life won't be boring. Enjoy.
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Aspies, the next step in evolution? |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2444
Location: new england
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:22 pm Post subject: |
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| you know, aspergers does not have to be a life sentence....we have definitely had moments when the "light bulb went off" and son finally understood a situation for what it really was.............sure, your son might have to work harder than say NTs to learn the skills he needs, but i've found that i appreciate even the smallest triumphs. hang in there. read as much as you possibly can about the subject, and of course post questions here~ many of us have been through tremendous amounts of trials and triumphs with our children & are wiling to help you get through. |
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mommy_mimi
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 12, 2007
Posts: 16
Location: Iowa
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 9:18 pm Post subject: |
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Hi! I just posted the other day- new with my 9 y/o son. I have found everyone here to be wonderful and supportive and helpful. Welcome!
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Michelle
"In life, you'll find, something to stand on or you will be given wings to fly." Mark Schultz |
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MomofAlex
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 15, 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:33 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks for your encouragement everyone!
OK, here's my question: A has taken to being very down on himself, to the point where he doesn't want to try even things at which I know he'd be successful. He pretends to be "dumb" and unable to do things we both know he can. This is making my attempts at understanding his difficulties communicating that much harder, because sometimes it's for real, and others it's just a show. Is this "normal"?
Question #2: Went to the DR. to get the referral, which I got, but I'm not sure if he was trying to make me feel better, or if he was for real. A cannot read others' emotions, and generally does not express his own at the appropriate intensity (ie. everything is worth calling 911). His IQ's ridiculous. He's always been exceptionally verbal - paragraphs at 18 months, etc., but can't modulate his own volume. I'm not sure he's capable of whispering. Like I mentioned earlier, he's already been diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder, and he's currently on Strattera for ADD symptoms (his dad's been diagnosed with it). He takes rules very literally, and can't transfer them from one situation to another. He cannot endure changes of plans, and struggles badly with transition. (I'm making him sound as though he's not the wonderful little boy that he is - he's incredible) but the kicker of the DR. thing is that he said that because he doesn't always have to start a litany like a hamburger order from the beginning if he's interrupted that it doesn't sound like AS. I tried to tell him that A can interupt, but not be interrupted - he just won't process the interruption at all. Anyway, I thought this was a rather odd view, but I'm still new at this whole thing... am I on the wrong track?
Thanks again. |
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blessedmom
Cynically Optimistic Daydreamer
Joined: Apr 10, 2007
Posts: 4285
Location: Western Canada
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| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 10:49 pm Post subject: |
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My 2 AS sons are both very capable of having a conversation that isn't one-sided or stilted. It is only when they are on a role about their current perseveration that it gets out of hand.
When they were diagnosed, the Dr. asked them what they liked. She then listened to the responses. S (16) went on for nearly 45 minutes about Japan and its culture. T(13) said nothing and needed prodding but when she hit the right button, she couldn't get a word in. They are very different from one another but had enough of the criteria to be diagnosed AS.
When I took them to see the initial therapist and doctor, I had written pages of information about what symptoms they had and then wrote very clear examples for each. The specialist new exactly what she was looking. This may prove helpful in your case, as well.
Good luck.
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rachel46
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: May 07, 2007
Posts: 185
Location: Midwest US
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| Posted: Thu Jul 19, 2007 2:28 pm Post subject: |
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I just wanted to chime in as a not so "newbiemom" anymore - My son, Noah is 10 and was diagnosed at age 9. Every kid is so different so I don't know if you can relate any of this to your situation or not, but my son CAN LEARN how to be social. I have seen him make HUGE progress and it is a lot of hard work on our part. My husband and I are constantly rehearsing before we go somewhere (you say hello, goodbye, thank you, etc.) telling him what he did great, what he did not so great after a social event. The thing about my son, at least, is sometimes he doesn't WANT to be social. I don't know who made the analogy of a glass representing our social behavior or need. Some people need to fill their glass to the top and are happy that way. SOme people only need it filled 1/3 and are happy that way, etc. Aspies (usually) have a smaller glass and it gets filled up quicker than NT people. That is so true with my son. He desires to be around other people but then he gets his "fill" and then needs to be alone with his thoughts. As long as he is learning how to navigate in this world and be a part of it in his way I let him be alone when he needs it.
My son also talks too loud and that is another thing we are CONSTANTLY on him about - he truly doesn't know how loud he is. It mostly happens when he is excited.
My son can also interrupt but does not like to be interrupted. I have noticed that (with practice) he can learn that conversations are give and take. That, to me, is the part of Aspergers that is most difficult. They are not selfish kids, they truly think their thoughts are the most fascinating ones and everyone should want to hear them all the time!
Good Luck - this is a great board and you will learn a lot  |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2444
Location: new england
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| Posted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 9:02 am Post subject: |
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| the part about him being down on himself sounds like perhaps, a mild form of depression |
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Corsarzs
Velociraptor
Joined: Mar 03, 2007
Posts: 449
Location: Virginia, USA
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| Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 9:04 am Post subject: |
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Let's see A is 7, very smart, down on himself and pretends to be "dumb". Z is 10,dx of Asperger's and ADHD with some visual-motor integration problems and some sensory issues with bright lights and loud noises. He goes through peiods when he "just can't do anything right, I just won't ever eat again til I die. it's all my fault, I'm no good. etc." Is this the kind of down on himself you are talking about? If so try to find out what is triggering this reaction. For example, did something happen at school, what happened, what caused it to happen, were you touched, teased, disciplined by the teacher or was there a change inroutine and you over-reacted. These are simple questions but be prepared for "I don't know, I don't want to talk about it, just leave me alone" and similar seemingly evasive responces. Be patient and willing to allow breaks, he may be processing the situation or he may not actually know what caused the problem. You will have to be the detective and pull the information out of him, not always an easy task. Once you've found out the cause you can begin to correct the problem by helping him recognise when a similar situation arises and suggesting alternative solutions or responses. Use his strengths to overcome his weaknesses, play to his ego, You are very smart and need to use your brain to help you understand what is happening, you can do this." Don't accept failure but understand that this may be a long process and expect both steps forward and slips backwards. Praise his successes and encourage more acceptable reactions "the next time" when he doesn't attain his goals.
Ster is right it does sound like gepression, remember depression in children does not present itself the same way it does in adults. It will take a Psychiatrist or Psychologist to give a definite dx though. All kids go through some depression and it is normal, try to work through it before going with meds.
Your description of A sounds very much like Asperger's. Sounds like you are "on the right track". Z has definite volume control issues, he can whisper for about 2 seconds max. In fact this is one of his IEP goals this coming year in school. We'll see how that turns out.
Hang in there MomofAlex, it may be a bumpy ride but it will be an interesting one.
Keep in touch.
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Aspies, the next step in evolution? |
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ster
Phoenix
Joined: Sep 24, 2005
Posts: 2444
Location: new england
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| Posted: Sun Jul 22, 2007 10:20 am Post subject: |
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| definitely try teaching coping skills before resorting to meds~ not that i'm against meds...i just feel coping skills would help him tremendously...............you need to somehow find out, though, what specifically it is that's causing him to feel down on himself. son had some difficulty adjusting once he learned about his dx. he was concerned that people would treat him incredibly differently once they found out. |
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MomofAlex
Emu Egg
Joined: Jul 15, 2007
Posts: 7
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 10:05 pm Post subject: |
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Thanks so much for the insight. I think I do need to keep an eye on him for depression, especially as he begins to realize he doesn't process everything "just like everyone else". I don't want to make him think there's something "wrong" with him. I just want to help him get some coping skills.
Corsarzs: Z's comments sound very familiar. |
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Kelsi
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2007
Posts: 643
Location: Australia
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| Posted: Fri Aug 03, 2007 9:48 am Post subject: |
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| MomofAlex wrote: | Thanks so much for the insight. I think I do need to keep an eye on him for depression, especially as he begins to realize he doesn't process everything "just like everyone else". I don't want to make him think there's something "wrong" with him. I just want to help him get some coping skills.
Corsarzs: Z's comments sound very familiar. |
Many people, including myself , believe that depression is repressed anger. |
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