 
Support Wrong Planet Awareness!
| View previous topic :: View next topic |
| Author |
Message |
bizmack
Sea Gull
Joined: Mar 16, 2007
Posts: 233
Location: San Diego
|
 Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:31 am Post subject: AM I GAY?? |
 |
|
Have any of the male or female aspies here ever been accused of being homosexual.
My best friend is gay and i started going to a couple clubs with him and my girlfriend got extremely angry and we havent had a decent conversation for about a week and a half now...
I understand that her mother and father split for this reason and i am trying to understand her point of view..she says that she feels that i am bisexual or gay and am only with her to have kids which is completely untrue...i wrote her a long letter explaining to her that i was only being open minded and not looking to expand my sexual horizions and now i am starting to think i should just let her be...i love her a great deal but i feel shes being a giant drama queen...
anyone with anything remotely similar to my delima??
_________________
the conventional view serves to protect society from the painful job of thinking.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
SteveK
Phoenix
Joined: Oct 20, 2006
Posts: 3417
Location: Chicago, IL
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:36 am Post subject: |
|
|
The way you talk about this, I almost wonder if you are also. If it invades your thoughts and/or you act on it, the answer is YES! Some here wouldn't agree with such black and white thinking, but I believe it deserves nothing less. And excitement can
come from a conditioned response. That will usually make any doubts clear.
Steve |
|
| Back to top |
|
MADDuck
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 19, 2007
Posts: 889
Location: In your head
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
yes.
You are incredibly gay.
Go see a Roger Waters film, drive a pink car!
Flame on, dude!
_________________
A change is coming. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Kelsi
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 23, 2007
Posts: 643
Location: Australia
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 7:59 am Post subject: |
|
|
I believe sexuality is on a continuum. Most people stay in the same position on that continuum all of their lives. Other people, however, MOVE - maybe once, maybe backwards and forwards, maybe from one end to the other. It is not that uncommon for people to, say, start off heterosexual, try being homosexual for a while, experience a period of being asexual, followed by a period of being bisexual. I have heard many AS people say that they are bisexual or asexual.
As for your own situation - your girlfriend is being totally irrational. Just because your best friend is gay does not mean that you are. Just because you go to a club with him, does not mean that you are gay (or bisexual). Her irrational fears and lack of trust are perfectly understandable considering the reason why her parent's split - but they are still irrational. Maybe lots of reassurance will help. |
|
| Back to top |
|
alexbeetle
Knight of the blackest black beetle
Joined: Mar 17, 2007
Posts: 1386
Location: beetle hole
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:00 am Post subject: |
|
|
I know lots of people with gay friends and who go to gay clubs (apparently they have a better atmosphere and are more fun) but these people are not gay. Some girls like to go to gay clubs as they get 'hit-on' less and can just have a fun night out without any macho bs from blokes.
Maybe your girlfriend should be glad you go to gay clubs and are not out chatting up other girls.
My son has best friends who are gay who he spends a lot of time with but he is comfortable with his own sexuality and not gay nor concerned whether others think he is or not.
When I was a teen some of my friends thought I was gay but it was just not knowing how to properly talk/interact with girls/boys. I think some colleagues now think I am gay because I don't talk about boyfriends/sex like they do (I a am girl btw).
If you feel sexually attracted to people of the same gender you are gay, if you just like their company as friends then you are not.
either way go where you want with who you want and don't let other people's hang ups ruin your happiness...
_________________
Any implied social connection is an artifact of the distance between my computer and yours.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
|
|
| Back to top |
|
agentcyclosarin
Phoenix
Joined: Apr 26, 2007
Posts: 891
Location: Above
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:15 am Post subject: |
|
|
There's always ways to cure your curiosity.
Alexbeetle is quite correct in what they are saying.
_________________
Just give him a kiss on the cheek. |
|
| Back to top |
|
epistoliere
Butterfly
Joined: Jul 17, 2007
Posts: 14
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:35 am Post subject: |
|
|
I agree with Kelsi and alexbeetle. As for the other replies, I think that those individuals are making judgements about a situation (probably because they have never encountered a similar one (a guess), and don't fully understand your point of view.
As for my opinion, I agree that your girlfriend is making a judgement with regards to your sexuality without taking into account all of the facts/details about the situation. In that sense her response is a "conditioned" one. She snaps to label you "gay" as her parents divorced due to a similar situation. I can label her response as "irrational" as, in my mind of logic, one would not arrive at that opinion were they to weigh all the portions of your response equally when making a decision. However, I will surmise that her rationale goes something like this-- if A happens, then B is true, ie. if my boyfriend has gay friends, then he must be gay. We all have our own private definitions of the world based upon our experiences, and that, is hers.
I think the idea of writing her a letter is a great idea. Were I in your situation, I would have done the same thing. I find that I express myself more easily via the written word than I do in conversations. You can only hope that she will understand your opinion after reading it. Just letting someone be and not communicating never really helps any situation. If she never hears all of what you have to say, then how can you expect that she come to understand your thinking? Another valuable thing one of my NT friends said to me once is that "You can't expect people to react in the way you think that they should or you wish them to." I won't go into the details of the life situation I was going through when she said that to me, but just hearing that helped me a lot. One of my great deficits is the ability to understand others' points of view-- I often feel that mine is so sound and reasonably based that it has to be correct. As I've grown as a person, I've learned that people in general, all have limitations of perception (often irrational, and based upon emotion with regards to previous experiences).
As for the whole sexuality thing-- most people would label me as bisexual. I am a woman and have had relationships with both men and women. Beautiful and meaningful ones. I love people for who they are, inside, not for their biological sex or their gender. I see beyond the societal notions of sexuality and experience it in my own way. I have always hated rules of any type and I feel no need to categorize myself with any sort of label. A label, to me, is an arbitrary definition. If someone feels comfortable using it, fine. If not, that's fine as well. I am still new to the world of Asperger's, but I am going to take a risk and postulate, that due to our different thinking style, that many Aspies would be more open-minded than the average NT. (Obviously, there are always exceptions.) Hence, a large part of our societal woes! It has taken a long time, but I have come to appreciate this about myself. While the pain of rejection is very, very difficult, your ability to see the world in a unique and less judgemental way is beautiful. My final thought on this subject (for now)- Treasure it and draw strength from it.
I sincerely hope that your girlfriend may come to understand your point of view and that you, too, can resolve this situation and not let it create a rift between you. |
|
| Back to top |
|
girl7000
Majestic Eagle Owl
Joined: Mar 11, 2007
Posts: 1263
Location: Somewhere in the Atlantic
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:40 am Post subject: Re: AM I GAY?? |
|
|
| bizmack wrote: | Have any of the male or female aspies here ever been accused of being homosexual.
My best friend is gay and i started going to a couple clubs with him and my girlfriend got extremely angry and we havent had a decent conversation for about a week and a half now...
I understand that her mother and father split for this reason and i am trying to understand her point of view..she says that she feels that i am bisexual or gay and am only with her to have kids which is completely untrue...i wrote her a long letter explaining to her that i was only being open minded and not looking to expand my sexual horizions and now i am starting to think i should just let her be...i love her a great deal but i feel shes being a giant drama queen...
anyone with anything remotely similar to my delima?? |
I agree with alexbeetle, and others who have expressed similar views.
You mention that this is how her parents split up? Perhaps she is just scared that 'history will repeat' or is just insecure. These might explain why she is having a bit of an 'over the top' reaction to this. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Bart21
Phoenix
Joined: Mar 29, 2006
Posts: 663
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:57 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Just go to the beach and see who you are attracted to.
Seriously man how could you possibly ask this question.
It's just something you should know.
If you were into guys you would know it. |
|
| Back to top |
|
LostInSpace
The Librarian
Joined: Apr 17, 2007
Age: 24
Posts: 2201
Location: New York
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:04 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Bart21 wrote: | Just go to the beach and see who you are attracted to.
Seriously man how could you possibly ask this question.
It's just something you should know.
If you were into guys you would know it. |
I can see why he might need to ask this question. Aspies often have dampened libidos, so it might be hard for him to tell who he is attracted to, if he doesn't feel attracted to anyone most of the time. For instance, even though I am attracted to guys (I'm a girl), I don't notice it much of the time- I just tend not to notice people in general. Because I didn't feel super attracted to guys, I used to wonder if I was a lesbian, and then I noticed that I was even *less* attracted to women than I was to guys. |
|
| Back to top |
|
Crazy_Ben
Deinonychus
Joined: Jun 28, 2007
Posts: 316
Location: St. Petersburg, FL USA
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
If you're gay there's nothing wrong with that. I once thought, when I was quite a bit younger that I might be bi in some way but a couple of times gay guys tried to pick me up and I realized that I am not. But if you think you might be, and you act on it and enjoy yourself, than you're at least bi. Nothing wrong with that. But it sounds like your girl is getting crazy about something that's probably not too serious anyhow.
BTW, from the selfish gene & social conformity perspectives, it's not that surprising that many gay men do have kids... only they're deluding themselves into thinking they should act "normal" or "acceptable."
I had the weird situation in the Fall term that I girl I was kind of into was trying to date me- to get with a girl that like me! Didn't work out well for me, her, or the girl she really wanted.
_________________
We are Taiyozoku, the Sun Tribe! |
|
| Back to top |
|
AnonymousAnonymous
More Riddler than Joker
Joined: Nov 24, 2006
Age: 18
Posts: 6847
Location: Portland, Oregon
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 2:46 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Your sexuality is on a spectrum, just like autism.
Most people think they are "straight" or "gay" or "bi" just because who they are attracted to.
If you think you are gay, there is nothing wrong with being gay.
Your GF is being a big b***h and if she wants to break up with you over her paranoia, let her do it.
If you love her; let her be until the heat goes off.
_________________
It's time to introduce a little anarchy. |
|
| Back to top |
|
krex
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 21, 2006
Age: 45
Posts: 5002
Location: Village of the Damned
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I have to say I feel a bit more empathy for your girlfriend then other people posting here.I think it is because I relate to her real issue ,which is low self-esteem and difficulty trusting that someone actually loves her.What her mother experienced with her father is very traumatic for anyone.She felt duped.She probably never questioned that her husband was gay and feels really betrayed......I mean can you try and imagine the thoughts that must have gone throught her mind after finding out her husband was gay......."Did he ever love me,was he actually repulsed by having sex with me,was he thinking about screwing some guy in the butt when he was having sex with me?"I think it is a very scary thing to have to question the "reality" of everything you thought you were experiencing with someone.
I dont know what your GF relationship is with her mother but there is a chance that her mom shared all these feelings and thoughts with your GF and now she is afraid the same thing will happen to her.It does seem to be a betrayal worse then just being attrated to another female,as it could indicate that you are not even attracted to her and just "faking" everything" about your lives together......which she knows is possible because she saw her father do it to her mother.If your GF is insecure about someone loving her,then if it's not the just possibility of another guy turning your head....it will be your co-worker,some girl on TV or walking by you that she "thinks" you are staring at.The issue isnt really if you are gay(though I understand her fear of such a thing,haven seen it happen to her mom),it's if she can ever trust that you actually love her and find her attractive.Until she believes that,the relationship is going no where.How to "prove" this.....?Given the medias representation of males as hormon driven monkeys who cheat on their spouses all the time....good luck with that.
Sorry for the length of this response but I can relate to well with this issue and used to drive BF insane with my insecurities.I didnt out grow it until I was in my 30's and stopped feeling like the "world would end" if a BF did leave me.This was only possible after developing a life without a guy that I found worth living.Now,my BF is the "spice" in my life and not the only reaosn I have for living.
_________________
Just because one plane is flying out of formation, doesnt mean the formation is on course....R.D.Lang
Visit my crafts store
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5412685 |
|
| Back to top |
|
Alternative
Ex-Member
Joined: Jun 30, 2006
Posts: 5610
Location: Gone To Live Life
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 3:54 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I've always been accused of gay all the time.
I just reply back:
"Hey, I just haven't found the right women yet  "
 |
|
| Back to top |
|
Roseduelist
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 09, 2007
Age: 20
Posts: 154
|
| Posted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 4:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
| Everyone is a little bit gay...whether they admit to it or not |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
|
|
