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| Are special interests important in choosing a partner? |
| Yes |
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73% |
[ 19 ] |
| No |
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26% |
[ 7 ] |
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| Total Votes : 26 |
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| Author |
Message |
Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22397
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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 Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 4:50 pm Post subject: Dating people with similar interests |
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I am interested in knowing how others feel about similar interests and beliefs being key to deciding whether or not to go out with someone.
I feel that they are very important to me.
Tim
_________________
When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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Does this even need a poll? 
I guess if personalities complement each other it'll work in spite of not sharing the same interests . But it's going to be hard to start any sorta anything without some similarities to grow on.
Especially among those with AS... if your partner doesn't like or share some of your obsessions... it's going to be tricky.
Similar interests/ideas/humor/hopes/dreams is very important.
I demand that they discuss the merrits of 2D video game design over 3D... somethings just aren't negotiable. 
_________________
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
Last edited by Pugly on Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:14 pm; edited 2 times in total |
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Phasianoraptor_hirvisaloi
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 28, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 51
Location: Oulu, Finland
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:18 pm Post subject: |
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Certainly not. Intrests have nothing to do with love, honesty, caring, loyalty or belonging together. And I mean it. My intrests change every single year to something totally different than the last one was, and I don't want to tie such an important relationship to something so uneven.
Every little difference just adds colour and respect of difference in a relationship. I'm disappointed that so many people start thinking from selfish viewpoints and want their potential partners be like themselves. That sounds disgusting to me.
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The eminent Kant scholar Lewis Beck used to say that anyone who could believe in God could believe in anything. To appeal to an omnipotent deity is to allow that at any moment the regularities of nature may be ruptured, that miracles may happen. |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:34 pm Post subject: |
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| Phasianoraptor_hirvisaloi wrote: | Certainly not. Intrests have nothing to do with love, honesty, caring, loyalty or belonging together. And I mean it. My intrests change every single year to something totally different than the last one was, and I don't want to tie such an important relationship to something so uneven.
Every little difference just adds colour and respect of difference in a relationship. I'm disappointed that so many people start thinking from selfish viewpoints and want their potential partners be like themselves. That sounds disgusting to me. |
I agree with most of your points... but I don't know how I could start to get to know anyone unless they are similar to myself on at least a few counts. I have a hard enough time engaging with folks who have the same interests... much less different. It would just be too boring and kind of pointless.
But once some connections are formed... let the differences fly... it'll be interesting and fun. Starting out, you need some similarities to work as a relationship catalyst.
A female version of myself doesn't sound that disgusting... actually I think I would like that very much.
Now I am just creeping myself out... 
_________________
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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Phasianoraptor_hirvisaloi
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: May 28, 2007
Age: 19
Posts: 51
Location: Oulu, Finland
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:46 pm Post subject: |
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I have had several friends in my life, and none of them had the same intrests as I have/had/will have.
Just a few times I've met people with the same intrests (when they were the same) and for me, that's what was boring and pointless.
_________________
The eminent Kant scholar Lewis Beck used to say that anyone who could believe in God could believe in anything. To appeal to an omnipotent deity is to allow that at any moment the regularities of nature may be ruptured, that miracles may happen. |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:50 pm Post subject: |
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| Phasianoraptor_hirvisaloi wrote: | I have had several friends in my life, and none of them had the same intrests as I have/had/will have.
Just a few times I've met people with the same intrests (when they were the same) and for me, that's what was boring and pointless. |
Wow, that's so completely foreign to me. I don't even understand how it could be possible.
But here it is.
If that's what works for you... :thumbs up:
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I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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0_equals_true
Quack!
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 5079
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:48 pm Post subject: |
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| I wouldn't want someone too similar to me with my interest. I would want someone intellectually compatible but with some different interests. |
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0_equals_true
Quack!
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 5079
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Pugly wrote: | | Phasianoraptor_hirvisaloi wrote: | I have had several friends in my life, and none of them had the same intrests as I have/had/will have.
Just a few times I've met people with the same intrests (when they were the same) and for me, that's what was boring and pointless. |
Wow, that's so completely foreign to me. I don't even understand how it could be possible.
But here it is.
If that's what works for you... :thumbs up: |
Why my obsessions are solitary. Stuff I do with my friends is just that. I’ve learnt to enjoy that in the actual 'sharing' sense but is more of a focal point. I think if the interests are too similar personalities would clash. In other words I couldn't be in love with myself. |
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0_equals_true
Quack!
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 5079
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:52 pm Post subject: |
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| i can't answer with just yes/no |
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woodsman25
The Dude
Joined: May 19, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 2437
Location: NY
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:53 pm Post subject: |
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| I dont need to have a GF that has similar interests, but we do need to click, personality is more important then her liking similar things as I. |
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Tim_Tex
WP's Resident Simpsons and South Park Aficionado
Joined: Jul 03, 2004
Age: 28
Posts: 22397
Location: San Marcos, Texas
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:55 pm Post subject: |
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The reason I stress the importance of similar interests is because I feel that a person's interests say something about that person's personality.
Tim
_________________
When you need something, that's a responsibility, that only an adult...of my maturity...Bunnies!!!
~Meatwad, Aqua Teen Hunger Force |
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0_equals_true
Quack!
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 5079
Location: London
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 6:57 pm Post subject: |
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| Tim_Tex wrote: | The reason I stress the importance of similar interests is because I feel that a person's interests say something about that person's personality.
Tim |
yeh I wouldn't want them to have my personality...eek  |
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Demonic_Duck
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 27, 2006
Posts: 240
Location: Herts, England
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 7:04 pm Post subject: |
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| No, I believe that it is more interesting if you both have different interests. And as they say, opposites attract . |
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Pugly
Man-child diligently becoming a Dude, man
Joined: Jan 10, 2005
Age: 26
Posts: 2567
Location: Wisonsin
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 7:06 pm Post subject: |
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| 0_equals_true wrote: | | Why my obsessions are solitary. Stuff I do with my friends is just that. I’ve learnt to enjoy that in the actual 'sharing' sense but is more of a focal point. I think if the interests are too similar personalities would clash. In other words I couldn't be in love with myself. |
What you enjoy with people is independent of what you enjoy by yourself? What is there to even discuss if there isn't some mutual interest... meta-intrests?
If you privately enjoy painting... you don't want to discuss painting with others? Get new ideas, techniques, understanding, inspiration...?
And conversly if there is something you enjoy with others... let's say listening to music... you wouldn't like this music when you were by yourself?
Aren't both these aspects of your personality and exist in the same person indepent of being with people or not?
I am not being critical. I just want to understand this concept.
_________________
I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.
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Demonic_Duck
Sea Gull
Joined: Oct 27, 2006
Posts: 240
Location: Herts, England
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| Posted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 7:19 pm Post subject: |
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| Pugly wrote: | What you enjoy with people is independent of what you enjoy by yourself? What is there to even discuss if there isn't some mutual interest... meta-intrests?
If you privately enjoy painting... you don't want to discuss painting with others? Get new ideas, techniques, understanding, inspiration...?
And conversly if there is something you enjoy with others... let's say listening to music... you wouldn't like this music when you were by yourself?
Aren't both these aspects of your personality and exist in the same person indepent of being with people or not?
I am not being critical. I just want to understand this concept. |
If you're with a person with different interests yourself, there are three directions you can go in (each is as good as the others, and you can do all three).
The first is to find some mutual ground. Even with two of the most opposite of people, there will be some mutual ground. Focus on that.
The second is to get involved in their interests, and in return they will get involved in yours. That way you are both opening yourselves up to new experiences, and you might even find that you have more in common than you thought!
The third is small talk. Obviously you can't form a whole relationship based on small talk, but it is nevertheless a way of finding something to talk about (although a lot of aspies don't feel comfortable doing it). But you still have the other two methods. |
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