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NoMore
Phoenix
Joined: Jun 29, 2004
Posts: 919
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 Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:14 am Post subject: |
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I enjoy my MT kids' social successes.  Both my older two kids (now adults) had/have friends/social lives thjat I only ever dreamed of.
When I have to do things that involve being in a social situation, I tend to do what I have to do inside a kind of "force field." That sounds strange, let me try to explain. It's like everyone and everything around me are kind of hazy, like I'm in a vignette. I can do what I need to do in a crowd and still be alone, in the crowd.
For example, I LOVE renaissance faires and SCA events. I HATE the massive crowds. I attend these events with my oldest daughter (22yo). While we are walking around these events, in period garb even, I can thoroughly appreciate the color, the history, the culture, because the rest of the crowd "disappears" into the fuzzy edges. It's just my daughter and myself having a grand old time, laughing and talking together, and interacting only with those vendors/actors we choose to speak to.
I'm not sure I've explained all this very well. Make sense to anyone? |
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Yameretzu
Sea Gull
Joined: Jul 07, 2005
Posts: 231
Location: UK
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 12:44 pm Post subject: |
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If my daughter chooses to be poplar so be it, the same if it's a son, I wont mind as long as they aren't bullies or vandals.
I wont make them go to a church, thats their choice.
I wont stop them dating, I'll just inform them on what might happen and how it can be prevented. The fact is, teens are teens, they're gonna date, they're gonna be who they want, and if they want to do 'it' then if I say no they'll just do it behind my back. I would prefer my children to be honest and repect me than be tight and controlling. I will give them my thoughts but I will trust in them to make they right choice. Trust is a major part in any relationship and I want my child to trust me, so if eg. my daughter got pregnant she could tell me and I could help her. I'm not saying I want this to happen just that it might and you cant control everything and if it does I will be there for her. |
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Aspie1
Overman
Joined: Mar 08, 2005
Posts: 2476
Location: United States
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 8:05 pm Post subject: |
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I have the opposite problem. I'm the aspie, and my parents are the most hard-core NTs you'll ever find.
Whatever you do, do not be too strict. That's the mistake my parents made. Over the years, they've alienated me to the point of no return. I now I feel like I live in a shelter, rather than a home. Basically, I obey their orders in exchange for free food and having laundry done. Kind of like a transaction. During a typical weekday, I hardly ever say more than a few words to them. I'll be moving into my own place in a few months or so, and I'm pretty sure I won't have any desire to keep in touch. I'm planning to change my numbers (both land and cell), and not give them to my parents. |
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thatrsdude
Proud owner of a custom title
Joined: Jul 15, 2005
Posts: 1176
Location: SA, Australia
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:30 pm Post subject: |
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The problem with my parents is that there'd probably be nothing wrong with their parenting... If it was for a child that didn't have AS. But I did have it, and that's why I used to be accused of being lazy, bad behaved etc. because they didn't understand my condition. But they mean well, whenever I explain things to them they perfectly agree, but working out how to explain them properly is a pain in the arse. My parents were moderate conservatives. Which meant that it could've been worse, but could've been better also. I never hated my parents, I just hated what they were doing.
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midge
Deinonychus
Joined: Oct 03, 2004
Posts: 301
Location: The Great Plains
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| Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2005 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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I would encourage them to, first and foremost, treat others well, do the best they can, and just be the person they want to be. If they do that, and become part of the popular crowd in high school, then I don't think there'd be anything wrong with that. but what would really bother me is if other people in this crowd treated them poorly, or put pressure on them to conform and do things they might not truly want to do. It wouldn't bother me if they had a lot of friends of course, I would be very happy for them but, to be perfectly honest though, I just never liked the popular crowds at school-not as individuals, but as a collective whole. Seems to me they all dress the same, talk the same, and act the same, do all the same old things for fun-partying, etc., and are anywhere from exclusive to downright hostile  I know it's wrong to subject others to my attitudes, but to be perfectly honest, if they were a part of this conformist crowd, I'd probably be disappointed  I'd try not to interfere too much (other than keeping the lines of communication open and keeping tabs on them) unless they were doing something reckless and were being mean to others-I would definately do something to stop that. But I can't say anything for sure though, maybe I would go so far as to discourage it. I have no problem with them dating, I would want to make sure they had respect for themselves and others first though, I think those are important factors in dating.
| Quote: | For example, I LOVE renaissance faires and SCA events. I HATE the massive crowds. I attend these events with my oldest daughter (22yo). While we are walking around these events, in period garb even, I can thoroughly appreciate the color, the history, the culture, because the rest of the crowd "disappears" into the fuzzy edges. It's just my daughter and myself having a grand old time, laughing and talking together, and interacting only with those vendors/actors we choose to speak to.
I'm not sure I've explained all this very well. Make sense to anyone? |
Yes, I think I know just you mean-if I go somewhere, I can tune out the crowd and the surroundings and just focus on certain things, it can be really helpful when I'm out in public places  |
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computerwidow
Snowy Owl
Joined: Jul 11, 2005
Posts: 137
Location: USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 30, 2005 12:18 am Post subject: |
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| Yameretzu wrote: | | I would prefer my children to be honest and repect me than be tight and controlling. I will give them my thoughts but I will trust in them to make they right choice. |
Bravo! Well said. |
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