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criss
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Age: 43
Posts: 332
Location: London
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 Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 4:12 am Post subject: Aspergers and addictions |
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Hi, I have just recently been diagnosed with AS (3 days ago in-fact) It has been a journey that has lasted 41 years to arrive at this point. One of the great difficulties that prevented me from realizing sooner, was that I grew up in an enviroment that was cold and hostile. Both my adopted parents had drink problems and were abusive, and found my 'difference' a great threat, most likely because they were deeply emotionally troubled themselves. Such comments like, "you are mad", "why are you acting so abnormal", "look at me when I am talking to you" were daily humiliations, but the violent manner and frequency in which I endured these assults resulted in me dissociating and suffering depression.
However, back to my point with re AS and addictions. For the last 15 years I have been in various 12 step groups and therapy working on my stuff in the context of 'childhood stuff' without even contemplating AS. I know I have always had TS, OCD, ADHD and relational problems, but never linked this cluster to AS until I got so depressed in the spring with re the anxiety around parenting my 7 year old son. It started to dawn on me that this anxiety was unique from the cluster mentioned above, and then everything fell into place.
As a child it was a matter of life and death to face the world with a convincing front, but the pain of doing so, has led me to seeking affirmation from others and not myself which has resulted in me having obsessive love relationships and dependancy problems.
Any one relate?
_________________
"We are here on earth for a little space to learn to bear the beams of love." (William Blake)
Thank God for science, but feed me poetry please, as I am one that desires the meal & not the menu. (My own)
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alexbeetle
Knight of the blackest black beetle
Joined: Mar 17, 2007
Posts: 1386
Location: beetle hole
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 7:29 am Post subject: |
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Sounds a lot like my history, I only found out fairly recently that it was AS at the bottom of my anxieties. I'm also 41!
My obsession is with work and I try to steer clear of relationships as they have always turned out badly. I do need the approval of my boss and colleagues and work about 80h a week to try get it.
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Any implied social connection is an artifact of the distance between my computer and yours.
It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
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woodsman25
The Dude
Joined: May 19, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 2437
Location: NY
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:14 am Post subject: |
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Jeeze, I dont have relationship problems, cause I dont have relationships  I think u r lucky, id be soooo happy to have a relationship, even a S^*tty 1, hehehe.
I am dependent on pain medication, need it to be social, if i cant abuse it because I used it all, then I drink during social events, its a problem that needs to be brought under control, and I know the only way... I need to find a date, and get that together, change a bit.
I guess I can half relate to ya, Im so sorry about your past, i could not imagin what it is like growing up that way, and it must be hard not being diagnosed in childhood and not getting anything, at least I got some specail treatment in elementary for my HFA. |
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thoca
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: Feb 09, 2007
Posts: 50
Location: wayfaring
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 10:20 am Post subject: |
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Your story is similar to mine in various ways. I am in my 40s too, and
was diagnosed earlier this year with AS. I've been in a 12-step program and
therapy for the past few years.
As a result of a series of bad relationships, I've withdrawn from almost all
social interaction. Right now, I'm just trying to come to terms with the
idea that I have AS. It has been hard for me to accept, because my self-image has
always been that of a "normal guy" -- even if that self-image didn't fit the facts.
It's as if there has been a gigantic blunder in the wording
of the diagnostic criteria for AS. How else could it fit an ordinary guy like me so perfectly? |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8238
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 2:57 pm Post subject: |
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I am 15 years older than you guys, but I also am a recovering alcoholic ( 23 years AA) and just found out about my AS last October.
I certainly relate to being told 'you are just like everybody else' and thinking that it was just my ego that was making me think somehow I was different. I took 10 years to do 10 steps because I still could not get over the idea I was fundamentally different somehow, even though everyone continually assured me I was not.
I don't blame them, because how could THEY know? I avoid relationships because I would obsess about the 'significant other' and they could not take the intensity, nor could I take their non-intensity.
Now that I know that I am Asperger's Syndrome ( and I have learned to call it "Uh SPUR jjjer's" like they do in Australia) I am toying around with the idea of seeing men again with an idea of building a relationship. Before I knew about AS it wasn't 'honest' but now, I can be 'what you see is what you get!'
all the best to you guys!
Merle |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2609
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 3:15 pm Post subject: |
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I can relate to all of you, because I only heard about AS last year, at age 44, after having tried everything and gotten no results. I was brought up abusively too, and severely punished and blamed for my symptoms. My family refuse to believe that I have a problem, and to this day they all blame me and refuse any contact with me due to my "oddities". They call me crazy.
I have no social life, no friends. People love me at the beginning, then soon find me "weird", "too honest", "too deep", "too different", etc. and leave.
All I do is try not to lose my job (for the upteenth time) and that's enough hard work for me. Apart from that, I take care of my old and totally disabled parents (who were abandoned by their "good" kids, my siblings and therefore accept me reluctantly) and post on a couple forums on the web. I've gotten used to the aloneness, but sometimes it hurts.
I was married once and was lucky to escape alive after a year.
I helped bring up my nephews and niece, they adored me and I them, but I'm not allowed to see them anymore, nor are my parents. No reasons given.
Humans around me are so horrible that I don't think I'd want anyone near me anyway at this stage. In my personal experience, NTs are monsters.
Once in a blue moon, when I can afford it, I travel within the country or abroad, and that's my pleasure in life. I live in my internal world, where people are kind.
Sorry, just felt like sharing about me...
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"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8238
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Greentea wrote: | I can relate to all of you, because I only heard about AS last year, at age 44, after having tried everything and gotten no results. I was brought up abusively too, and severely punished and blamed for my symptoms. My family refuse to believe that I have a problem, and to this day they all blame me and refuse any contact with me due to my "oddities". They call me crazy.
I have no social life, no friends. People love me at the beginning, then soon find me "weird", "too honest", "too deep", "too different", etc. and leave.
All I do is try not to lose my job (for the upteenth time) and that's enough hard work for me. Apart from that, I take care of my old and totally disabled parents (who were abandoned by their "good" kids, my siblings and therefore accept me reluctantly) and post on a couple forums on the web. I've gotten used to the aloneness, but sometimes it hurts.
I was married once and was lucky to escape alive after a year.
I helped bring up my nephews and niece, they adored me and I them, but I'm not allowed to see them anymore, nor are my parents. No reasons given.
Humans around me are so horrible that I don't think I'd want anyone near me anyway at this stage. In my personal experience, NTs are monsters.
Once in a blue moon, when I can afford it, I travel within the country or abroad, and that's my pleasure in life. I live in my internal world, where people are kind.
Sorry, just felt like sharing about me... |
GreenTea thank you for letting us get to know you.
I find life is like a sh** sandwich. the more bread you have the less sh** you gotta eat. I vacillate between fighing to keep a job and fighting to get a job when I lost my first fight. Money, having a lot or having none at all is my only real freedom from having to be around people. When I have just a little, I am too dependent.
Merle |
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2ukenkerl
Phoenix
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Posts: 4948
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 4:56 pm Post subject: |
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| sinsboldly wrote: | | Now that I know that I am Asperger's Syndrome ( and I have learned to call it "Uh SPUR jjjer's" like they do in Australia) |
Well, in Germany it would be pronounced like:
ah-spare-gehrs
The first r would be quieter than the second.
Last edited by 2ukenkerl on Tue Jul 31, 2007 8:38 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8238
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 5:21 pm Post subject: |
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As spare ggggers. . .
that is so totally cool!
Thank you! I get so embarassed not pronouncing things correctly!
Merle |
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Greentea
Bull in China Shop par Excellence!
Joined: Jun 15, 2007
Posts: 2609
Location: Middle East
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 6:02 pm Post subject: |
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sinsboldly, thanks. Well said, I know all about vacillating between fighting to keep a job and fighting to find a new one after losing the battle. I have such an unstable job history that nowadays I need to lie through my teeth about my resume, otherwise I'd be totally unemployable.
_________________
"It is the wounded oyster that mends its shell with pearl" - Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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richardbenson
slaughter mountain
Joined: Oct 31, 2006
Age: 28
Posts: 9050
Location: plastic makes it possible
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 7:25 pm Post subject: |
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youre story would be similar to mine if you were younger. ive done alot of drugs but nothings really got me by the balls like alcohol im sure i can quit im just lazy with no motivation 
_________________
Deafening silence reigns
As twilight fills the sky
Eventual supremacy
Daylight waits to die
Darkness always calls my name
A pawn in this recurring game
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sinsboldly
Free Range Aspie
Joined: Nov 22, 2006
Age: 58
Posts: 8238
Location: Oregon, USA
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| Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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| richardbenson wrote: | | youre story would be similar to mine if you were younger. ive done alot of drugs but nothings really got me by the balls like alcohol im sure i can quit im just lazy with no motivation |
My story is similar to yours because I used to be younger. Alcohol will make believers of it's awesome power anyone who messes with it. Denial is it's calling card and attempts to overcome it it's challenge.
And it always wins if you fight it, our only hope is to get out of it's way. |
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woodsman25
The Dude
Joined: May 19, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 2437
Location: NY
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| Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 12:55 am Post subject: |
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| I used to drink alot, now not so much, right at the moment I have polished off a 12 pack of budwiser, and even popped some pain medication, I met another girl and blew it, im sooo dissapointed in my self, again, heh, but im not an addict, i just abuse stuff when im angery or depressed at myself, usually centered around my inability to sucessfully date, meet a good girl for me... |
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0_equals_true
Quack!
Joined: Apr 06, 2007
Age: 26
Posts: 5079
Location: London
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| Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 7:32 am Post subject: |
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| I found it near on impossible to take up a vice. I did try too. I just couldn't see the point in the end. Although I got a high impulsivity score on this test when i when to this centre. That was due to my over reaction to things on the screen. I'm actually not impulsive at all, much more avoidant. They said my compulsiveness was not a problem. My stim such as pacing are an expression of my thinking and emotions, not to avert a catastrophe. My obsessions are harmless. |
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criss
Deinonychus
Joined: Jul 20, 2007
Age: 43
Posts: 332
Location: London
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| Posted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:53 am Post subject: Aspergers and addictions |
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Hey, thank you all for your contributions on the subject of AS and addictions. Each contribution touched me very deeply. It makes so much sense that we would seek ways of managing our pain and distress through addiction to something or someone. Much love to you all and look forward to keeping in touch with you all.
chris x
_________________
"We are here on earth for a little space to learn to bear the beams of love." (William Blake)
Thank God for science, but feed me poetry please, as I am one that desires the meal & not the menu. (My own)
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